How to get help for parent who doesn’t want help

[Wildhorses]

Hello,

I am really concerned about my father who’s memory loss has been in decline for a few years now and has become very noticeable now.

My mum is struggling and doesn’t know how to get him to the gp for a diagnosis as he is in denial, or fearful of being told he has dementia.

What should I do? Is there an online test?

Many thanks,
Mia

 

[Collywobbles]

You could try emailing their GP outlining your concerns and suggesting that your Dad is called in for a “routine Well Man check” (without mentioning dementia), where the doctor could carry out an initial memory test. The GP couldn’t respond other than to acknowledge your email, but it if nothing else, it might get something placed on your Dad’s notes to prompt relevant questions if he ever went in for something else.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Wildhorses and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. Getting someone to see their GP is one of the most common, difficult things to do. I finally got my wife to go as a follow up to a short stay in hospital. Her doctor knew me by then because I had taken to accompanying my wife whenever she went to the surgery. This made it easier to ask for a double length appointment to cover the follow-up from the hospital stay and a memory test. It was essential for me to be in the room as I knew my wife would deny any memory or behaviour issues. At the risk of being accused of 'betrayal' I could give a different and more accurate picture. The doctor asked for my wife's permission before seeking my views.

Not all GPs are so understanding and amenable. Some may quote patient confidentiality but that is not helpful when the patient both denies the facts and can't remember what they discuss with the GP.

Giving the GP a written list of issues may prompt a call to attend for a 'routine' checkup. People are often more willing to agree if invited by someone in authority such as GP. If an appointment can be arranged it would then be important for your father to be accompanied during the consultation (by your mum or you, whichever seems best).