1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

How to feedback to a Care/Nursing Home?

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Concerned1966, Apr 29, 2015.

  1. Concerned1966

    Concerned1966 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2015
    #1 Concerned1966, Apr 29, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2015

    Apologies if I have posted in the wrong location, but I am new to this and not overly familiar with forum chats.

    I was just wondering if anyone could give any advice based on their own experience regarding how to proceed with the following issue?

    My partner recently lost her father, and he was the main carer for his wife. My partner's mother is in the later stages of dementia and requires 24/7 type care. My partner's father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly and so we had to look at finding a suitable home in a short period of time. We found what we thought appeared to be a nice home, and also in an ideal location, very close to the immediate family.

    My partner lives on the other side of the country from the rest of her family, but has always regularly visited them during the holidays, but with all the best will in the world she will not be able to visit her mother as often as she would like.

    We are not familiar with care homes but our family has looked after my mother-in law for many years. Over that time we have learnt how Alzheimer's has affected her in particular. We know that individual cases vary, and my partner's mother is no exception. We weren't given a great deal of information by the home though, and so we thought we should make them aware of some important factors.

    We've only sent a couple of emails to the home, but haven't received any acknowledgements or responses. A member of the family went to speak to the Manager recently regarding a separate issue (concerning my mother-in law being left on her own in a communal area late in the evening). The Manager then told this family member that nasty emails had been sent, and that we were trying to tell the Manager how to do their job. We were astounded! The emails were polite, informative and perfectly reasonable. I have never known a company, institution or business to react like this!

    How is anyone supposed to feedback anything? We would have raised the exact same points via the phone or in person.

    I'm sure you will appreciate that this is a massive change for all of us, and as mentioned above we live hundreds of miles away, so keeping up to date with my mother-in law's care is essential. We thought that emailing the home would be an efficient way of ensuring that we didn't overlook any important information regarding my mother-in law (my partner's family have been visiting my mother-in law every day and have also been trying to speak to staff at the home).

    Any advice would be most appreciated.
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    I'm replying to your post to 'bump' it to the top. I'm sorry that the Manager of the CH has reacted in such a negative and hostile way. Unfortunately I have no advice to give because the CH my Husband was in had a very good and compassionate Manager. However, what you have described seems very reasonable to me.

    Is it possible the family members who live closer could ask for a face to face meeting? Alternatively, is a SW/CPN involved? Perhaps you could ask them to act as mediators?

    Take care

    Lyn T
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    What about copying the relatives who are closer to the home on all emails to the home? That way, the rest of the family is in the loop and the home will have to stick to the truth.
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    To be honest, I would look for another care home. One that behaves so unhelpfully and with disdain to relatives' email enquiries is perhaps hiding something or has no idea how to handle external input. Either way, why should you have to fight to get answers? Find a home that is more open and wiling to cooperate.
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Oh dear I should have read through what I had written. When I wrote 'However, what you have described seems very reasonable to me.' I meant you were being reasonable not the CH.:eek::eek::confused:

    Sorry if I gave the wrong impression
  6. Concerned1966

    Concerned1966 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2015
    Hello and thank you all so much for your replies and posts.

    Apologies for not responding sooner, but we have only just received a reply. It wasn't from the Manager though, but from a Doctor. It was quite brief (5 lines) and didn't really address any of the points we made. It mentioned that they do know professionals to consult if they require their input as they all work as a team. It also stated that they would still encourage my mother-in law's independence and her involvement in her care. They attached some supporting evidence, which was handwritten, describing that my mother-in law had been given a bath and enjoyed it (we were pleased by this as in the past she was more comfortable with bed baths).

    We're still a bit concerned as we don't feel that my mother-in law is able to be independent or can be reliably involved in her own care - her condition has meant that her husband and family have had to make these decisions for her. This is what we were trying to explain in our original email to the Care home; we also thought that this coincided with one of their commitments (paraphrased below):

    Working with our resident’s families to learn as much about our resident as possible. Taking their history, likes & dislikes and using these as references to shape their immediate environment.

    We just don't know how to work with the Care Home.

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