How to answer the question "What can we do to help you?"

[Nanawendy6]

My husband's dementia suddenly escalated a few months ago. Memory Clinic advised
me to get advice from various agencies. Most constant question is " What can we do to help you?" I'm curious what other people would answer to that question. A blank cheque is not an appropriate answer apparently.

 

[Beate]

Well, what would make your life easier? Would you like more time for yourself? Then how about a day centre, befrienders or respite? Does he need help with personal care? Then how about carers? You can ask an OT to check out the place and give you things like grabrails - they are usually free of charge if he's assessed as needing them. Check out what is available to carers in your borough - can you get a reduced leisure centre card of get into the cinema for free? Are there any one-off payments you could use on a holiday or a washing machine?

But yes, I agree it's no good to ask you if you don't know what's out there. They should tell you what's available.

 

[Amethyst59]

I'm guessing that a night out with Pierce Brosnan would be out of the question?

 

[Jo Sutton]

I know exactly how you feel, NanaWendy. I always want to reply "I have no idea what help is available. There may be things out there that would make our lives a lot easier, and I don't necessarily know what they are. You're the expert ..."

I find the best response is to tell them about the difficulties you have and ask them if there is anything to help with it. For example: "Mum is always getting up in the night, every few hours, distressed and panicking. Can you do anything to help with that?"

Hugs

Jo xx

 

[john1939]

I'm guessing that a night out with Pierce Brosnan would be out of the question?

Why? is he an expert on Alzheimers?

 

[Selinacroft]

There's quite a lot of "assitive technology" available i fyou think it would help- door alarms, smoke alarms, chair and bed alarms, lifeline pendant, an done that detects falls, dementia clocks and telephones , hearing and eyesight tests- often both affected with dementia. Make sure you are getting all the financial help you are entitled to claim.
I'm a bit further down the road with Dad and awaiting a second referral back to the memory clinic and wondering the same thing- what practical help they can really give me besides writing a blank cheque.

 

[marionq]

There's quite a lot of "assitive technology" available i fyou think it would help- door alarms, smoke alarms, chair and bed alarms, lifeline pendant, an done that detects falls, dementia clocks and telephones , hearing and eyesight tests- often both affected with dementia. Make sure you are getting all the financial help you are entitled to claim.
I'm a bit further down the road with Dad and awaiting a second referral back to the memory clinic and wondering the same thing- what practical help they can really give me besides writing a blank cheque.

I begin by trying to solve problems rather than looking to others to help solve them and I’m wondering if this has been a big mistake. I spent weeks looking for suitable cover for my husband to allow me to go to a family event and in a last gasp attempt phoned a social worker I dealt with three years ago. Immediately she said she would deal with it and as I never asked for anything there would be no charge.

It was as if a big weight was lifted not only because the problem was solved but also the feeling that someone else was supporting me.

 

[Nanawendy6]

Why? is he an expert on Alzheimers?

Who cares?!

 

[Nanawendy6]

Well, what would make your life easier? Would you like more time for yourself? Then how about a day centre, befrienders or respite? Does he need help with personal care? Then how about carers? You can ask an OT to check out the place and give you things like grabrails - they are usually free of charge if he's assessed as needing them. Check out what is available to carers in your borough - can you get a reduced leisure centre card of get into the cinema for free? Are there any one-off payments you could use on a holiday or a washing machine?

But yes, I agree it's no good to ask you if you don't know what's out there. They should tell you what's available.

I've been in contact with assistive technology and had advice from Altzheimers society.
Id love more time away from caring but he's too difficult for volunteers and Carers have to be paid for. Hence the blank cheque comment. However... I've just been given a one off grant I can use for anything except existing carers fees. Bit stunned really. Have booked tickets for musical and to see Sarah Millican with family. I can use it for 'sitters' while I enjoy shows. So looking forward to it. I asked for Carers Assesment which was done over phone. Was told at end of assessment about grant after being asked what they could do for me and couldn't answer.