How much worse does it get?

[Cathy67]

When I went in to see mum a couple of weeks ago she was in a bad way, shouting, screaming, thumping her fist on the chair and pulling her hair out. She also was throwing her food (sandwiches) at the carer who brought it in to her. She tipped her drink on her table and he had to clear everything up. I couldn't cope with all this and came away after about 15 minutes trying to stay composed. When I got home (luckily only a five minute drive) I burst into tears.

When I went in last week she seemed better, no screaming or fist thumping or food throwing. However when my uncle visited last Friday she was back to throwing things. I am going in to see her this afternoon and am dreading it as I usually do now. She has been sat in a chair in her room every day for weeks and has nothing but the TV to keep her occupied (although she gets muddled with who is on it). We were told before she was moved into this unit that it would be better for her as they have activities, but I haven't seen much evidence of this, just a session of bingo a few months ago. They do try to take some of them out but mum refused to go recently which was a shame, as it was a garden centre and she loves plants and flowers.

We have been told that she is on a drug to help her but as she is not eating much it is taking time to work. They have had to do it covertly as she was spitting out her medication. Its all so sad as mum was extremely active even just 18 months ago, church twice a week, shopping with me and visiting her friends, driving etc. To see her reduced to sitting in a room all day is heartbreaking.

 

[PaddyJim]

Cathy

I am so sorry you are experiencing such a torrid time. I can empathise with your situation. It seems many of the types of behaviour you experience are similar to the ones my mum experiences. we very rarely now get two visits the same, I know it is all part of this awful illness but it is heart-breaking and more so when our loved ones were so active and 'with it' before the onset of this disease. It has been said many times this illness is cruel and I only wish I had a magic wand to make it better.

Best Wishes

 

[Cathy67]

Thanks PaddyJim,

Yesterdays visit wasn't too bad, although mum was doing a lot of banging fist on arm of chair, some shouting and screaming. They've had to take all her magazines away and also several Bibles she had, as apparently she was tearing them up, also restricting her TV watching as they say it agitates her. At least she was eating a small amount and not saying the food was poisoned as she had been saying.

Yes it is very cruel this illness, seems to get the nicest people too

 

[Jessbow]

Could you put her in a wheelchair and take her out for a push?

Can she have some magazines?, she might look at them, she might tear them up....but it wouldn't matter

Does she have anything to fiddle with? Anything that might take her mind back? her old sewing box or whatever it was that was her interest? Just to rummage about in?

Is there anything she could do to keep occupied for a bit ( even if the task doesn't need doing as such) sort out an old button tin for you? UNRAVEL SOME KNITTING WOOL ( WHICH YOU COULD LOOSLY RAVEL!)

 

[Varandas]

It is sad! No comfort saying it will calm down.
Try to remember your mom as she was - not now. This is this dreadful illness.
I remember my mother doing the same. I would give her her sewing box, some fabrics and she would spite it all and cut it, destroy it all - at least she was briefly distracted I suppose to verbally abusing other people present.
Stay calm and may God grant you and your mom some respite.
Difficult times, but stay positive.
All the best

 

[Cathy67]

The care home people must have taken her mags and Bibles away as they had all gone when I got there yesterday. The manager asked me not to bring in any more for her as she was tearing them up. It was mostly my uncle who had brought her magazines to look at, not cheap ones either, Essex and Suffolk Life, Countryfile etc. He had even made a lovely folder of photos of the family now and past, she has pulled out quite a few pages of that and they have vanished. The manager reckons mum is better (!!) but I certainly can't see it and wonder if they just say things like that to try and placate the relatives?

She hasn't got anything now as they said they have had to restrict her TV watching as it was making her more agitated, so they reckon.

Don't think she'd be able to go in a wheelchair as she isn't really mobile as far as I know, also there isn't anywhere to take her there, as the grounds are very small.

Damn this illness, first my Granddad and now my mum

 

[Beate]

I am sorry but what is it to the care home if your Mum tears up magazines that belong to her? But something must be done about her agitation and I really recommend calling a doctor who could assess the situation. I don't recommend pumping her full with anti-psychotics, in fact I think that's the last thing they should do, but something needs to be found to calm her down as she is only going to make herself more ill. Maybe she is deeply sad or depressed, and she is certainly frightened and unhappy. The care home simply restricting what she can do is not going to help and might even make her worse! She is clearly missing her old life and a care home treating people as individuals would recognize that and try to occupy her mind with other things.