How much more can Mum take?

sue_1

Registered User
Mar 29, 2017
92
0
Bristol
Mum has been on end of life care for well over a year, three times over Christmas I was told that mum might not get over a chest infection but she did. Mum is bed bound, lies in a fetal position as her legs are bent right up, only says yes or no if she does talk, she is asleep most of the time, she has to be woken up to to be fed or given a drink meal times for her takes forever even though she eats and drinks very little, she has now got cataracts, her hands are stuck in a fist position, one arm is bent into her side, she can raise one arm but that one is now slowly bending as well, her weight is only 34.5kg she is just a bag of skin and bone it is heartbreaking to see. Mum would be horrified if she could see herself. Such a cruel cruel way to live your final years. Only one good thing is mum was rewarded CHC a few weeks ago ( all thanks to the care home manager who dealt with the claim) which will be reviewed in three months, somehow I can not see her getting better can you?
 

Jools1402

Registered User
Jan 13, 2024
160
0
This must be so awful for you to watch - I can't imagine how horrible. I hope they are managing to keep your Mum free of pain or discomfort.
When she had the chest infection was it treated with antibiotics? When my Dad was virtually comatose and in obvious distress at the end of his Vascular dementia the nurse at his nursing home called a "best interests" meeting - herself, my brother and I (POAs) and GP. It was decided between us that he would receive no more active treatment and just be treated palliatively until nature took it's course. Would that be something that you might consider @sue_1 or do you feel it is too soon or against what your Mum would have wanted?
 

Jacaranda16

Registered User
Jan 19, 2022
58
0
Mum has been on end of life care for well over a year, three times over Christmas I was told that mum might not get over a chest infection but she did. Mum is bed bound, lies in a fetal position as her legs are bent right up, only says yes or no if she does talk, she is asleep most of the time, she has to be woken up to to be fed or given a drink meal times for her takes forever even though she eats and drinks very little, she has now got cataracts, her hands are stuck in a fist position, one arm is bent into her side, she can raise one arm but that one is now slowly bending as well, her weight is only 34.5kg she is just a bag of skin and bone it is heartbreaking to see. Mum would be horrified if she could see herself. Such a cruel cruel way to live your final years. Only one good thing is mum was rewarded CHC a few weeks ago ( all thanks to the care home manager who dealt with the claim) which will be reviewed in three months, somehow I can not see her getting better can you?
Oh bless you. Life, such as it is, is cruel. It is wrong your Mum is suffering and so are you. We don't animals like this. I know I am booking into Switzerland if I ever get this problem. I am not doing this to my kids. Big squeeze to you All.
 

Annamalina

Registered User
Apr 28, 2023
33
0
Mum has been on end of life care for well over a year, three times over Christmas I was told that mum might not get over a chest infection but she did. Mum is bed bound, lies in a fetal position as her legs are bent right up, only says yes or no if she does talk, she is asleep most of the time, she has to be woken up to to be fed or given a drink meal times for her takes forever even though she eats and drinks very little, she has now got cataracts, her hands are stuck in a fist position, one arm is bent into her side, she can raise one arm but that one is now slowly bending as well, her weight is only 34.5kg she is just a bag of skin and bone it is heartbreaking to see. Mum would be horrified if she could see herself. Such a cruel cruel way to live your final years. Only one good thing is mum was rewarded CHC a few weeks ago ( all thanks to the care home manager who dealt with the claim) which will be reviewed in three months, somehow I can not see her getting better can you?
Why do they keep feeding her if it only prolongs everybody’s suffering? It would be more human to let her die.
 

Rae44

New member
Jul 26, 2022
9
0
Mum has been on end of life care for well over a year, three times over Christmas I was told that mum might not get over a chest infection but she did. Mum is bed bound, lies in a fetal position as her legs are bent right up, only says yes or no if she does talk, she is asleep most of the time, she has to be woken up to to be fed or given a drink meal times for her takes forever even though she eats and drinks very little, she has now got cataracts, her hands are stuck in a fist position, one arm is bent into her side, she can raise one arm but that one is now slowly bending as well, her weight is only 34.5kg she is just a bag of skin and bone it is heartbreaking to see. Mum would be horrified if she could see herself. Such a cruel cruel way to live your final years. Only one good thing is mum was rewarded CHC a few weeks ago ( all thanks to the care home manager who dealt with the claim) which will be reviewed in three months, somehow I can not see her getting better can you?
 

Rae44

New member
Jul 26, 2022
9
0
I am so sorry for you and your mum. In my opinion it is time to stop feeding your mum. I had to make that decision with my husband. It wasn't easy but it was the right decision. Just to get the fleeting moments when I tried to give him that half teaspoonful of food was really difficult. Without the advice of doctors or nurses I had to make the decision. It was time to let go and let him die peacefully and I'm glad I did it. With family and friends around during his last week, it was what he would have wanted. It was a very special week for us as a family. We were very blessed that we were able to keep him at home. It's time for you to let go and have peace just to be with your mum till the end.
 

Darth Sideous

New member
Jun 17, 2023
5
0
I am so sorry for your mum. My mum is in exactly the same situation. It is heartbreaking to watch and see when there is nothing you can do.

I take comfort that I am not alone and your post, although sad and heartbreaking, gives me comfort and support. Thank you