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How much is too much


Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
I've noticed that if Mum has a lot of things going on on one day, she is more confused and very down the following day. If I talk about what we did on the busy day, she brightens up, but still doesn't want to do anything but sit and read. Although she's 88, she is physically fit for her age with the help of a pacemaker. On Saturday, she skimmed through her paper - she rarely reads it properly but likes to have it, read her book, spent an hour in the garden doing some leaf sweeping, which she said she enjoyed doing as she loves to be outside and to help. Some friends dropped in for a cuppa for half an hour and the evening was spent reading again.

On Sunday, a friend came to lunch. Mum tried to lay the table and got it in a muddle, (which I quietly unmuddled when she wasn't looking) and read. She chatted happily to my friend, of whom she is fond, and relaxed with her book and a bit of tv and chit chat in the evening. Today she says she is in such a muddle that she just doesn't want to do anything at all except sit with her book - no walk, or washing up etc.

To an extent, she responds well to exercise and stimulation, but it seems to me lately it takes less and less to send her in a downward spiral to a "confused day". Anyone else find this? How do you help get her out of that mood? She's not miserable per se, just subdued.


Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
She is probably just very tired. It is exhausting having memory loss. My Ma was always exceptionally tired after an 'activity' day - especially if it involved anything new. Is it possible that tiredness and a bit of lethargy could be presenting as being miserable? just a thought xx


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
Is it possible that the effort of socialising tires her? I notice my husband is exhausted when he comes home from daycare. At the moment I have him tucked up in his armchair under a blanket with tea and scrambled egg on toast and a newspaper by his side. That is all the energy he can muster now.


Registered User
Apr 3, 2014
near Folkestone
My husband also needs a day to recover from a busy day . I try to stimulate by having a day out or activities and the next day is a quiet day. He copes quite well like that

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Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
When you have memory loss just doing ordinary things like having someone visit take such a lot of effort that you get worn out. Try not to let her overdo it during the day, allow for naps and dont worry about a quiet day after a busy one.


Registered User
Mar 4, 2013
Auckland...... New Zealand
My Mum has a whitboard of what is happening that week.
Mon/Tues she goes to an Alzheimers activity group for 2 hrs.
Wed is shopping day with me.
Thurs she goes to another senior citizens club which is for 4 hrs.

Fri-Sun there is generally nothing planned, but ocassionally there will be a birthday lunch, or visit from someone etc

I wish I could get rid of Mums whiteboard as she says its all too much for her and how can she do everything, and gets quite anxious about how she will fit everything in, but then she likes everything written down.
The days that she doesn't have something on, she then moans that she has been no where, and has been sitting in the house ALL week :)


Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
south-east London
My husband always needs a 'rest day' after an activity day - he ends up totally exhausted and very confused if we don't have that break.

He currently attends a Monday group and goes to the day centre on a Thursday. I have recently found a Memory Cafe that opens once a month on a Saturday (hooray, something that doesn't rely on people not having to work during the week!) and we'll be trying that out this weekend for a change. Hopefully it won't be too much for him as we also do the weekly shopping on Saturdays too, time will tell :)


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
I think maybe you need to be guided by your mother in this. If she's happy to do something, fine, if not, just leave her be. When my mother was still in relatively early stages I soon found that she couldn't cope with much activity,any more. Even a couple of extra people in the house would tire her - more conversation to try to follow and things going on.

It did sometimes seem awful that she was just sitting in front of the TV for much of the day - and there was a relative who castigated us - 'You should be making her use her brain!' (one of those people who know all about dementia despite zero hands-on experience, of course) but her poor old brain just wasn't up to much more any more.


Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
Sounds like she was physically and mentally very active. I suggest she needs a rest after that. My OH always needs a day to recover after just a busy mental stimulating day and he's only 70. I just let him rest ,am lead by him . So don't worry about it.


Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
Thanks everyone. It's helpful to know how other people find things. She does enjoy seeing people and getting out; it's trying to get the balance right between enjoyment and over tiring her. She's a lot better this evening for her rest.