Apologies for the monster post: My mum is not yet, I think, quite ready for a care home, but this week has been very stressful and the suggestion was made to me yesterday by the local over-75 team. So it's in my mind. It probably won't be for a good while yet, but I can't go through many more weeks like this one with her and she has deteriorated markedly in the past few months. Currently mum is having carers coming in three times a day and on Monday they couldn't get her to the door to open it for them. So the carers had to ring me, couldn't get through (I was driving down to Thanet from Medway) so called my sister in Norfolk who told them to call the police, which they did. The policeman turned up, broke in, and found her lying on the floor in the living room. She told him that she had been napping on the sofa (though I believe she's actually been sleeping there), rolled off it and was simply more comfortable on the floor. He called the paramedics, by this time I had arrived, and two lovely paramedics turned up and did all the tests they could. Everything physical is fine, ECG normal, blood pressure, blood glucose, all fine. The paramedics then said she should see her GP and rang the surgery to get him out - no GP, but the over-75 team came out yesterday and it was them that suggested that she might be better off in a home. On Tuesday I had a call to say she hadn't eaten or drunk for over 24 hours so off I went and practically forced her to eat while I stood over her - I know it's the completely wrong thing to do but I was very blunt and explained what will happen to an 86 year old who doesn't eat or drink. Yesterday she got a lecture from the over-75 team about dehydration - I've been putting a glass of squash by her to sip on over the day which the carers refill as necessary. They recommended a load of stuff I've already got in place but mum refuses to entertain - for example they started talking about a high-density cushion which she already has but constantly removes when I place it in her chair - they made her have it on her chair yesterday but I'm confident when I go round today, that it will be shoved down the side of the chair again because it makes her feel as if she's tipping forward and she's going to fall out of her chair - I'm going to look for a second hand recliner, but she will refuse to use it. They've also referred her to ICT (don't know what that means!) and Age UK who will be able to arrange Lifeline (which she won't use) and a keysafe (which is one of the conditions of Lifeline, up until now she has refused to entertain the idea but it's no longer a matter for discussion, she's having one!) - ICT will be able to arrange stuff like a zimmer frame and delta frame as her mobility has become very poor and for the past week she hasn't moved from her chair. No pressure sores, they checked for that, and apparently her bum is "like a peach". She does smell quite bad as she refuses personal care, and I'm going to try to persuade her to get in the shower today. So how do you go about looking for a care home? I understand that I will need to visit each one but how do you find one? Just Google? There are two near where she lives, but I don't suppose it really matters where she goes - there's actually one across the road from me, which would be really handy for me, but if it's no good for her, then it isn't. What do you look for? I presume you need one that specialises in dementia care, but what else? I will involve my older sister in the decision but she's got a 3 hour drive to come down here so she can't do anything hands on and she trusts me to make those decisions. I won't expect her to do much else for mum as my sister detests her (and I understand very well why and I really don't blame her) and I wouldn't ask her to.