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How do we continue to think we have done the right thing?

nanny37

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
My dear husband, aged 94, has just gone into care and now is suddenly isolated from all his family too due to lock down. Will he realise why we have left him? It is impossible to care for him at home any longer but this is such a cruel end. How can I stop thinking I have failed him?
 

M&P

New member
Mar 28, 2020
2
You haven't failed him, you have done the best you can, for as long as you could. Be proud of all the care you have given.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,162
Bedford
You certainly have not failed him. It sounds like you have kept your dear husband at home as long as possible. It is these terrible exceptional times that have made the situation worse
 

sadWife11*

New member
Mar 27, 2020
8
My dear husband, aged 94, has just gone into care and now is suddenly isolated from all his family too due to lock down. Will he realise why we have left him? It is impossible to care for him at home any longer but this is such a cruel end. How can I stop thinking I have failed him?
I feel exactly the same about my 68 yr old husband. I have been his carer for several years, but the nature and progression of his illness means that I can no longer look after him on my own. He is at present in an assessment ward, and is moving shortly to a care home, but we can’t have any control over any of this because of the virus. I haven’t seen him since Monday, and it seems like ages. The staff are wonderful, and I know they’re looking after him well, but it’s so hard not seeing him, and I feel so guilty that he’s not with me, though I know how dangerous it would be for us both. Our one day pass at home proved that. Just the worst time fir this happening. Everyone, including our daughters, tell me not to feel guilty, that I just can’t do it any more, but every night in particular I feel so sad that my lovely husband is away from me, particularly during this terrible period.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
hello @nanny37
a warm welcome to DTP
you have been sensible and brave to have found your husband the support he needs .... it is tough accepting that you, even with home care, cannot provide the care he has to have now ... in no way have you failed him
I'm sorry the move had to be made in these strange times ... I hope ypu can find ways to cope, to rest and be ready to visit when restrictions are lifted
in the meantime, keep posting here ... sadly, we understand
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,960
south-east London
Hello @nanny37 and welcome.

You have not failed your husband at all. You took the right decision to make sure that he would be safe, having reached a point where you needed help. It is not a decision that is made lightly but one which shows both love and bravery to do the right thing.

These are extraordinary times, and none of us could have envisaged where we would be right now - but that does not detract from the fact that you did the right thing.

Having to stay away for the time being is a huge weight on your shoulders, I am sure - but please take comfort in knowing that, even though you are temporarily away from him, he is still safe, warm, fed and cared for.
 

nanny37

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
Hello @nanny37 and welcome.

You have not failed your husband at all. You took the right decision to make sure that he would be safe, having reached a point where you needed help. It is not a decision that is made lightly but one which shows both love and bravery to do the right thing.

These are extraordinary times, and none of us could have envisaged where we would be right now - but that does not detract from the fact that you did the right thing.

Having to stay away for the time being is a huge weight on your shoulders, I am sure - but please take comfort in knowing that, even though you are temporarily away from him, he is still safe, warm, fed and cared for.
Thank you for being there.
 

nanny37

New member
Mar 28, 2020
3
It is so nice to speak to people who really understand, as a result of their experiences. Unless you've made this journey you cannot possibly know what you might meet up with, do you?