How do I reassure her?

[LazyZog]

Mum believes that the memory clinic people are spies for the DWP who are going to prosecute us for benefit fraud due to an inheritance.
Our GP asked today if I'd tried to reassure her (that that isn't the case - I cut him off mid sentence, so I'm guessing there).
If I try and suggest we haven't done anything wrong it doesn't matter to 'them' and I'm niave and need to start living in the real world. If I make minimal comment or agree I'm not taking it seriously.
I know avoiding the topic is probably the best cause of action, but that seems to be easier said than done. I was only asking to pop into town tomorrow before a visit from CAB which got us onto the prosecution ect, I should have just left it but I tried to reassure (disagree / reason / argue / smack my head against the proverbial brick wall)...
So... How do I reassure her?
The memory clinic Dr asked if I could change anything what would it be & I said mum's breathing / chest etc as she has COPD. On the 23rd May that was still my biggest worry, how quickly things change.
If there was a point to this when I started writing it I've well and truly lost it lol.
Night all x

 

[karaokePete]

Oh dear @LazyZog, we've all been there. Hard isn't it?

There's a great thread with advice on how to communicate. It's a bit of a code for absolute saints but I read it every now and again to remind myself of the contents and have picked up some useful hints from it. In case you haven't seen it already, here's a link to it (I hope it helps) https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Duggies-girl]

Oh dear, I completely understand. Once it is in their head, it is well and truly in there. I can only sympathise with you. My dad has got it into his head that the lovely people who live opposite him are a lazy family and don't get out of bed until the afternoon. All because they keep their blinds closed during the day. They keep them closed because it stops their dogs from barking every time someone walks by.

They are lovely people who have been great and would help dad any way they could and I feel that I have to defend them so I tell him that they are all at work because their cars are gone. Makes no difference because he will tell me the same thing tomorrow and he has taken to moaning about another neighbour who occasionally parks on his drive. She is also a nice person and she does keep an eye on him so I don't want him to fall out with her. He told her that she could park there any time she wants to and I have to keep reminding him about that. I am glad that she parks there because it looks like someone is there (dad no longer has a car) and she only parks there on the odd occasion.

Drives me mad sometimes.

 

[Sarasa]

@LazyZog, my mother says exactly the same things to me, and from what others I said I guess it just goes with the territory. Her usual complaints are that I think the best of everyone, I'm prissy, we are not being supportive children because we doubt that her version of events is true etc etc.
The only thing that sorts of works is just listening but not venturing an opinion and then changing the subject. The trouble is I feel that doing that gives my mother permission to go and be vile to the neighbours.
It's so tricky isn't it?

 

[canary]

Delusions are par for the course with dementia and you are never going to change their mind - no amount of logic, reasoning and arguing will do any good and it will probably just make it worse as they will dig their heels in.
I used to just make non-committal noises and change the subject if mum wasnt upset, but if she was I would say something like - dont worry, Im on to it or, oh I'll get them sorted out. The trick is love lies. Dont let them know that you dont believe them and dont tell them they are wrong as they know that they are right . You cant bring them into reality, so you have to enter theirs. Give them some reassurance that would make sense from their view of the world - Oh Ive got their number (wink), they wont get anything out of us, or, Ive moved that inheritance to another account, they wont find it. Its not easy to think on your feet, so try and think of something in advance and once you have found something that will pacify him, stick to it.