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How do i move on

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Hi i lost my mum yesterday and i am devasted.
I have followed a few threads about dementia and the people on here are incredible.
I know you have all had to deal with grief but any tips how to deal with it in the first days of passing i would be so grateful for.
We saw mum the day before and she was agitated they did give her something but i keep seeing her like that will this fade .
A day before she looked so peaceful
I would be so grateful for any advice thank you
Roseric
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,450
0
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is devastating. We all deal with grief differently. I hope that you can focus on the good times. It is very early days and it takes time. How long, I’m sorry but I don’t know. Do look after yourself - sending a virtual hug x
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is devastating. We all deal with grief differently. I hope that you can focus on the good times. It is very early days and it takes time. How long, I’m sorry but I don’t know. Do look after yourself - sending a virtual hug x
Thank you for your reply its awful just feel sick and empty x
 

Picture

Registered User
Nov 14, 2021
24
0
Hi @Roseric
It’s very early days. I would say be prepared for a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s normal, but can be very confusing. Dementia is such a horrible illness that even grieving is complicated and confusing.
Look after yourself: basics; eat, sleep, gentle walks etc.
If you have kind friends then take them up on any offers of help. Keep telling on here. It helps to speak to people who’ve been through it.
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Thank you picture i think because the day before seeing her agitated is why im more upset and like you say its then thinking of them and realizing you carnt see them any more .
And yes the fact that you double grieve first as they become more detached then when they pass i feel for everyone who has had to deal with this awful illness x
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
How are you doing @Roseric ?
Hi was feeling a little more excepting then had to get her things from the home that was really hard she had a really big out pouring of love on the carehome website which was lovely and im sure shes looking down smiling at how well liked she was x
 

Picture

Registered User
Nov 14, 2021
24
0
That must have been really hard. But lovely for you to know your mum was so well liked.

I always liked visiting the care home as the staff just loved mum for who she was, they didn’t mourn her for how she’d been once. It taught me a lot about accepting things for what they are now, and trying to have no regrets. A simple cup of tea and a biscuit brought mum a lot of pleasure in the final days. That she was happy and comfortable meant everything.
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Completely agree picture its the small things in life .its weird really i carnt remember mum as she was although she had only become noticable about 18 months ago .
I guess its because it becomes more intense your checking on them all the time .making sure their ok .
Eating enough being looked after ect.
I had videos of mum on good and bad days and when i look back on the bad days i am glad shes not suffering.
However when i look at the good its heart wrenching x
 

karenbow

Registered User
May 24, 2021
85
0
hi roseric, im so sorry you are going through this- i lost my mum in october- i try so hard to remember mum before she had alzheimers but all i seem to remember is how this horrible disease destroyed my lovely mum- i find i have good and bad days but always wake up with this sadness- it is early days but i find most comfort when i look at photographs and i know this may seem weird but mum and i spoke and sounded exactly the same so i talk to myself and tell myself that things will get better and i hear mums voice. im sure you will find a way to ease your pain , not completely but you will find some things help. i know i cant give you any advice, i dont know how im coping myself but just to say i understand and so do so many people on here- thats why im still posting 6 months later take carex
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Bless you im sending a hug even when you tell your self things i believe that in side it is your mum that is speaking there are so many ways they come through to us have you noticed any white feathers or perhaps a butterfly when its not even the right time of year .
These are all signs of them coming through sorry if i sound deep but i am a bit psychic it just happens sending love
 

Picture

Registered User
Nov 14, 2021
24
0
I am starting to remember my mum as she was before the dementia. I had forgotten during the horrible dementia years. It is such an evil disease.
 

Picture

Registered User
Nov 14, 2021
24
0
@Roseric I never thought I believed in signs but a rainbow appeared recently just when I was struggling. I like to think that was mum helping me x
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,498
0
68
Toronto, Canada
My mother was in care for 15+ years. At the beginning, it was very tumultuous as Mum was violent and, frankly, could be quite horrible. I don't think she knew who I was and she was wheelchair-bound for the last 10 years. The last 4 or 5 she gradually stopped speaking. I don't think she said anything at all the last 2 or 3. She died in August 2016.

There were many, many difficult memories. But gradually, the memories of my mother as she really was have come back. @Roseric your good memories will come back also. It will be gradual and patchy but it will happen.

For now, grieve and release your emotions.
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
@Roseric I never thought I believed in signs but a rainbow appeared recently just when I was struggling. I like to think that was mum helping me x
I believe it was just coming at the right time before your depression got to deep she will be with you i honestly belief that x
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
My mother was in care for 15+ years. At the beginning, it was very tumultuous as Mum was violent and, frankly, could be quite horrible. I don't think she knew who I was and she was wheelchair-bound for the last 10 years. The last 4 or 5 she gradually stopped speaking. I don't think she said anything at all the last 2 or 3. She died in August 2016.

There were many, many difficult memories. But gradually, the memories of my mother as she really was have come back. @Roseric your good memories will come back also. It will be gradual and patchy but it will happen.

For now, grieve and release your emotions.
Thank you so much.i am really sorry your journey was so difficult mine was short in comparison.
I read storys like yours alot on here and i think to myself why am i feeling so bad when there are so many people who have had to watch there love ones for years.
I really feel for you it was bad enough going through this for 18 months .
But because you have been there for so long supporting your loved one you will be rewarded when your time comes which will be many years from now this i belive x
 

SamOakes14

Registered User
Mar 17, 2022
13
0
Hi i lost my mum yesterday and i am devasted.
I have followed a few threads about dementia and the people on here are incredible.
I know you have all had to deal with grief but any tips how to deal with it in the first days of passing i would be so grateful for.
We saw mum the day before and she was agitated they did give her something but i keep seeing her like that will this fade .
A day before she looked so peaceful
I would be so grateful for any advice thank you
Roseric
Hi @Roseric I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few days are almost the most difficult. I found that spending time with family and remembering the good times that you had is a big thing. It makes it a little more bearable. Even though it still hurts, it just reminds you of the love. This can also help replace the memory of how she was in her last day with happier moments, just remembering that it wasn't always like this. It does get better and sending hugs.

Sam x
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Hi @Roseric I'm so sorry for your loss. The first few days are almost the most difficult. I found that spending time with family and remembering the good times that you had is a big thing. It makes it a little more bearable. Even though it still hurts, it just reminds you of the love. This can also help replace the memory of how she was in her last day with happier moments, just remembering that it wasn't always like this. It does get better and sending hugs.

Sam x
Thank you so much sam for taking the time to reply. You are right of course i have been keeping my self busy and talking to family and every so often you hurt because you know you aren't going to see them i find thats when it really hurts but in time it should hopefully not be so intense.
And i keep thinking of her back to normal and being really happy to be free of her body the way it had become . So cruel isnt it sam x