How do I keep upbeat?? what's the secret :)

[JoJo36]

Hi everyone,

OK, I admit that I feel overwhelmed and quite lost at the moment (trying to get my head round Dad's diagnosis of Alzheimers). I know we're all in the same boat. I feel so sad for Dad. I will do everything in my power to keep things upbeat and as normal for Dad for as long as possible xxx

Can anybody offer any words of wisdom/inspiration? or tips on coping?

Many thanks
Jojo xx

 

[ellejay]

Hi Jojo, The best advice I can give is to try not to look too far into the future. Everyone is different and no one knows how things will turn out and at what speed.Enjoy the good times and cope with the not so good only when you have to. Have a ran't on here if you need to and know there will be support for you. Others may have more practical advice for you. Good Luck. Lin x

 

[Christin]

Hello JoJo36

Can anybody offer any words of wisdom/inspiration? or tips on coping?

I am sorry to read of your dad's diagnosis.

The one thing that I repeated to myself to help me cope with care was, 'One day at a time.' Some days were good, some not so good, but try, if you can, to enjoy the good days.

Very best wishes to you both.

 

[littlegem]

Hi, I cope by putting myself in my hubby's shoes- trying to imagine what it is like and then how I would like people to treat me.
And, as everyone says, one day at a time.
take care
xx

 

[lin1]

Get the practicalities sorted asap both financial and health & welfare LPA's , wills ,you dont need to register them till needed , get assessements done by social servises you are entitled to a carers assessment as well , you can contact adult social services yourself

One thing I wish I had thought of was to keep a diary of good times with my mum .

Enjoy the good times with your dad ,
Look after yourself
Rant on here when you need to
join a carers group
Join the Alzheimers society
I found age uk (formally age concern ) so helpful and offer many services
Look after yourself, repeated deliberately coz its vital.

Two months is such a short time , you are probably hardly over the shock.

 

[Izzy]

Good advice already. Make the best of the good times and try to get through the not so good times. x

 

[hongkongsandy]

i would add its ok to feel sad, you can't change the way you feel and its better to find an outlet - away from your dad - than bottle it up. Put a brave face on for your dad, he needs you to be strong. just don't try and be a machine. I saw a counsellor but the biggest help was meeting with other people in the same position, i would recommend a local support group when you feel ready.

goodluck

 

[grobertson62]

Hi Jojo

it is surprising how much you can cope with. We were in shock when we found out dad had vascular dementia

we learned to adapt as he steadily got worse,changed the way we did things, labelled stuff, got bigger calendars with room to write on
we just changed small things as they became a problem

As said previously we didn't look too far in the future...not sure if we were ostriches burying our head in the sand. but for us it was the way we coped

take each day as it comes & cherish the time you have together

we always knew when dad had an infection as he would have what we termed as "his dippy days" unfortunately he is dippy more often than not now & I am so grateful for the time we shared no matter how painful
This meant a lot to me:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference

It is amazing but you will get through this, one day at a time


Love Gill

 

[larivy]

Hi jojo I would say take one day at a time and like others have said enjoy the good times love larivy

 

[JoJo36]

Thank you everyone for your sound advice I'll take it on-board.

Many thanks
JoJo

 

[JayGee]

Dear Jojo
My motto while my husband was on this hellish journey was:-
Never take things personally -
it isn't your loved one talking and doing - it's the disease!!
Put yourself in their heads i.e. in a strange place
at the mercy of people you don't know!! Frightening isn't it!!
sending you love
June x

 

[piedwarbler]

And don't forget to make time for yourself, you are important too. xx

 

[sunray]

Jojo, I have learned to take a day at a time,especially to try to wake up without any expectations of how the day is going to be. My husband Ray is the one with dementia (I also have my Mum with severe Alzheimers in a nursing home close by) and he has had multiple strokes too so I have learned to slow things down to his pace.

I have stopped being the go,go,go person I always used to be, although there are times when life gets busy and I have to rush around. If I have to rush I do it where he doesn't see me as I know he gets agitated otherwise. Being out to much can build up his anxiety so I try to keep things calm around him.

I try to build good things into our lives, an hour in the sun sitting side by side, a trip to the shops for morning tea or lunch not just shopping. Ray is better am than pm so I plan good things in the morning finishing with the lunch.

I guess I am saying I have lowered my expectations and live more of my life with his needs in mind.

Sue.

 

[Barnowl]

Pace yourself

Dear Jojo
Tears come to my eyes reading your message as I know those feelings only too well. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2005 and died in July last year. It will be a long and rocky road and you will need all your strength and inner resources. When mum was first diagnosed I lavished so much energy and empathy on her that I ended up like a zombie, too emotionally exhausted to even smile. I would spend hours trying to find the right way to communicate with her, to explain her situation in ways she could grasp etc. It was like trying to fill a glass with no bottom. Later I learned to pace myself. Do try and sound upbeat for your dad but remember that you're only human.

You may be surprised to discover that despite really terrible cognitive impairment humour often remains in tact, and that is so important when things get dark. There were times when we had a real laugh with mum, right up until the end. Take care. I wish you all the best, Barnowl

 

[Jon Harris]

Upbeat?

With my wife, I just think pretty much everyday that if the circumstances were reversed she would only be doing the same for me or better. So I guess in your Dad's case if you had been in a accident, he would care for you in pretty much the same way as you care about him.

And in Connie's own words she would always say "Tell it how it is" so care for who you have now and dont think too much what they were like. There will be a time for reflection later, so at the moment be open honest and true with the person you have now.

You dont need luck, its just the way life is. never think why me or why us, 'cos why not you or why not us....just the way it is

Of course humour is essential. we have never stopped making each other laugh, even though she hasn't known who i am now for the past two years, but we still make each other laugh, whether its the atriocious noises she makes whilst on the toilet or the quisical frown she makes when I give her spicy food.

Even though she says very little, the one thing she does know is that she is Connie, so when I playfully put the sling for the hoist over her head instead of under her head etc and said "where is connie?' a little voice squeaked from under the sling "here!!!!"

 

[rosaliesal]

Keep yourself happy

Keep yourself happy. That sounds like daft advice I know but it works. The more you treat yourself to moments of happiness the better life seems. The more life appears brighter, the easier it is to cope. Its that simple. It took me a long time to work this out. I listened to self help CDs, read books on how to meditate or to improve my life. Here and there I picked up vital information. Breathing exercises to help me keep calm and keep my blood pressure down through worrying and stress. Vizualisation...thinking of a nice scene and holding on to that picture as I walk through the scene. These are things that cost nothing but are worth an absolute fortune. When you are not accustomed to this it sounds a bit freaky but I have found it truly does work and works so well. These two techniques have helped me through difficult times and prevented me from having sleepless nights. Its about tricking the brain into being happy. Tell yourself how well you are doing.

 

[annafelicity]

Keeping upbeat

Hello Jo

Live for the moment with your Dad, and make every minute a calm one if possible. Keep smiling even if you are feeling down and speak in a quiet tone, even if you are angry. Do one thing at a time with him, and do not confuse him with too many ideas. This has helped me all over the world when I have helped care for Dementia persons. Write a diary and vent your anger and frustrations in that, it soooo helps. with love Anna

 

[maryw]

Keep yourself happy. That sounds like daft advice I know but it works. The more you treat yourself to moments of happiness the better life seems. The more life appears brighter, the easier it is to cope.

Yes, exactly, searching for the joys in life, the things that YOU really enjoy doing. Small things, scented baths, reading a book, going out for a meal, being kind to yourself and then also giving yourself the mood-booster pat on the back for dealing with difficult circumstances! All mind games but they work