Mum's memory has been bad for some time and was finally diagnosed with dementia in February this year. The memory clinic said she was too far advanced for them to help much but they have put her on medication. Mum lives with dad on a farm and they are both in their 80s.
So now we are in November and she has gradually grown worse since Christmas. I have been reading up on behaviour and a lot of what I have been reading doesn't fit in with mum. She was always a woman on the go. Always doing housework, being very house proud. She would even refuse the offer of a coffee out with me because the hoovering needed doing or it was a Monday and wash day. She also used to always have a jigsaw on the go, or knitting, or reading a book and cooked a meal every day. typical farmer's wife! But now, she does nothing. She no longer cooks, cleans. Nothing. So dad, at the age of 86 is for the first time in his life having to learn how to cook. I am going to their house as often as I can to cook them a hearty meal to make sure they eat something hot. The house has grown really filthy over time. Dad refused to let me do anything for a long time because it would upset mum to have someone else do it. But a few weeks ago I had an honest discussion with him and told him that it can't go on. The house needs to be cleaned. So I am going there once a week and have started room by room giving the house a thorough clean. But it is very upsetting for me to do so. Mum no longer recognises me as her daughter and sees me as a stranger going into her house and interfering. If I start to hoover she will shout at me and tell me she did that this morning. She can be quite nasty with me. I always keep calm and explain to her that I am her daughter and I am trying to help but I am met with blank looks. The work needs to be done so I just carry on and do it. Of course, 10 minutes later she has forgotten that we had words and all is ok. Although she no longer cleans she is obsessed with wiping down the surfaces of the kitchen with kitchen roll. She will wipe straight over anything sticky etc so she is not really cleaning. Just surface wiping. She also grabs anything that needs washing up straight after it's finished and will swill it under the tap and dry it with kitchen roll, not a tea towel. She no longer uses a bowl of hot soapy water, even if they have eaten something that needs a thorough wash. her tidying seems compulsive. She has now started a new habit. She goes to the lawn and picks up any leaves to keep the lawn clear. She will do this all day long.
So, I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this behaviour and how they manage to handle it. Especially with the housework I need to do.
So now we are in November and she has gradually grown worse since Christmas. I have been reading up on behaviour and a lot of what I have been reading doesn't fit in with mum. She was always a woman on the go. Always doing housework, being very house proud. She would even refuse the offer of a coffee out with me because the hoovering needed doing or it was a Monday and wash day. She also used to always have a jigsaw on the go, or knitting, or reading a book and cooked a meal every day. typical farmer's wife! But now, she does nothing. She no longer cooks, cleans. Nothing. So dad, at the age of 86 is for the first time in his life having to learn how to cook. I am going to their house as often as I can to cook them a hearty meal to make sure they eat something hot. The house has grown really filthy over time. Dad refused to let me do anything for a long time because it would upset mum to have someone else do it. But a few weeks ago I had an honest discussion with him and told him that it can't go on. The house needs to be cleaned. So I am going there once a week and have started room by room giving the house a thorough clean. But it is very upsetting for me to do so. Mum no longer recognises me as her daughter and sees me as a stranger going into her house and interfering. If I start to hoover she will shout at me and tell me she did that this morning. She can be quite nasty with me. I always keep calm and explain to her that I am her daughter and I am trying to help but I am met with blank looks. The work needs to be done so I just carry on and do it. Of course, 10 minutes later she has forgotten that we had words and all is ok. Although she no longer cleans she is obsessed with wiping down the surfaces of the kitchen with kitchen roll. She will wipe straight over anything sticky etc so she is not really cleaning. Just surface wiping. She also grabs anything that needs washing up straight after it's finished and will swill it under the tap and dry it with kitchen roll, not a tea towel. She no longer uses a bowl of hot soapy water, even if they have eaten something that needs a thorough wash. her tidying seems compulsive. She has now started a new habit. She goes to the lawn and picks up any leaves to keep the lawn clear. She will do this all day long.
So, I am wondering if anyone else has experienced this behaviour and how they manage to handle it. Especially with the housework I need to do.