1. Beesbee

    Beesbee New member

    Oct 19, 2019
    I have a husband how has been diagnosed with dementia ,but after having a brain scan it has come back with in normal range for his age,he has a follow up appointment in November with the memory clinic at addenbrookes but has hidden the appointment and will not be go and be seen,he is very confused and unable to do everyday task and always calling out to where I am in the house, what can I do .....help
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    #2 karaokePete, Oct 19, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
    Hello @Beesbee you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

    I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there



    You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done. There is also a Dementia Guide in the list.

    Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.

    In relation to the Addenbrookes test, it may be possible to have this done at home. I was able to make contact with my local care team via my GP and my wife was tested at home just 2 weeks ago. I feel these tests are important as the recent test of my wife showed a drop of 13 points since the last test taken at the Clinic at the time of diagnosis. The drop was in keeping with my reported deterioration and care team observations so it has kept the care team on board with me. Luckily my wife is cooperative and I hope you get such cooperation in the future.
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    Find out from the Memory Clinic, when the appointment is, and where.
    On the day, you are both just going out for coffee and cake, nothing needs to be said before about the memory Clinic.
    Besides if he goes, he can show them just how good he really is.

  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Beesbee
    A warm welcome to DTP
    I do agree with Bod .... sadly, it's now time for you to make any necessary arrangements and not discuss them with your husband ... especially if talking about something may only build his resistance
    with dad, I used to prepare some explanations/rouses in my head so I wasn't having to think on the spot ... so when you get there if he becomes suspicious/negative maybe be surprised that this is where the clinic is and, oh dear, you'd better just pop in and check about that appointment they tried to make as you've heard they can charge you for missed appointments ... or anything he may accept to get him in ... behave as though this is all an everyday situation as he'll pick up on any hesitation or nervousness; not easy, I appreciate, when you're not used to fudging over anything with a loved one

    just to mention ... if you haven't yet put LPAs in place, for the both of you, it would be wise to get these done ... have a couple of Attorneys to act jointly and severally and, if possible, a named replacement (for just in case)
  5. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    Agree with all that has been said.

    This is actually good news.
    His dementia symptoms may be caused by a long term treatable condition.
    By hook or by crook get him to the appointment
  6. Andrew_McP

    Andrew_McP Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    South Northwest
    Hate to be a downer, but I was told exactly this after my Mum had a scan because she'd been uncharacteristically delusional on heavy antibiotics while in hospital for diverticulitis. "It's probably the antibiotics" I was told.

    The next year she fell apart as dementia took control and major symptoms became obvious. So I'm not in the least bit convinced by this kind of wording. Normal ageing includes a degree of brain shrinkage, but they can't see the causes or know what's happening in the surrounding 'normal' tissue. Behaviour tells us more about that, and Mum's delusions were a sign that her rational brain was only just in charge at that point.

    You're right though, there's always a slim chance the symptoms aren't dementia-related. We don't often seem to get folk coming back saying that's the case, but then bad news always spreads fastest.

    Anyway, getting folk to appointments they don't want to attend is not fun. My tactic of getting Mum so cross she wanted to go to doctor, then memory clinic to give them a piece of her increasingly frazzled mind was not fun, and gave me weeks of grief beforehand. But desperate times, desperate measures. Hopefully a bit of gentle subterfuge will be effective in Beesbee's case.
  7. Beesbee

    Beesbee New member

    Oct 19, 2019
    Thanks for your reply’s it’s,helped and I guess it’s down to me to get the help he needs,but he tells me there’s nothing wrong with his memory !
  8. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    It's best not to argue with him @Beesbee (this link may be helpful in terms of how best to respond to him)


    It should be easy to find out the appointment time, do you think you can get him to the clinic by subterfuge? It would be best not to mention it beforehand as he will become angry and increasingly determined not to go, but if you present it on the day as a 'done deal' and are bright and brisk about it, you may get him there. If not, please speak to the clinic about getting a medic to come to the house to assess him.
  9. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Im afraid that this is really common in dementia. One of the symptoms of dementia is the inability to understand that you have something wrong with you. Its no good trying to reason with him, or arguing with him, you wont be able to change his mind and it will probably just make him dig his heels in.
  10. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    My mum's scan came back with normal age related shrinkage ie normal and diagnosis was made based on reported behaviour. I thought alz didn't show on scans and scans show vascular other dementias.

    On the plus side if they say it is alzheimers then there is medicate to slow it down so worth getting him to clinic by subterfuge

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