I joined this group because I know I can't say this to people who know me.
I live with overwhelming guilt, about something that I haven't heard about from anyone else.
My husband had a massive stroke 23 years ago, I had 4 children at home at the time.
After 6 months of re-hab, he came home, he was a different man, almost a stranger. I had to get on with life, I had to work, juggle the family and care for my husband. I got a job with hours to fit around all this, and had the advantage of parents 3 doors away, to help.
20 years later, his personality changed again, and as is so common, I had to fight to get him tests, because the consultants made up their minds he was depressed. Finally, it was proved, he has mixed dementia, Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's.
Now the stranger that I looked after for all those years, has changed personality, again.
I feel that my husband is gone, but I can't grieve because he's still here. Only it's so hard now, the care he needs goes way beyond personal care, it involves me taking verbal abuse, and me feeling trapped as I stay with him 24 hours a day. His children won't visit us because of his nastiness, the same goes with all my friends.
His Dementia's are not advancing quickly, in fact after 2 and a half years with medication, he's probably still in the first stages. It doesn't seem to be affecting his memory enormously, but has taken his character away, he has no empathy anymore.
My problem is, he can't be left on his own because of his lack of mobility and the epilepsy (also caused by the stroke) I am waiting for Adult Social Care to decide if they will fund him for a weeks respite. My problem is how to care for someone I don't love. I hear all the sad stories about people caring for their loved ones, but how do I care for someone I don't even like sometimes? There, I've done it, I've admitted my guilt.
I live with overwhelming guilt, about something that I haven't heard about from anyone else.
My husband had a massive stroke 23 years ago, I had 4 children at home at the time.
After 6 months of re-hab, he came home, he was a different man, almost a stranger. I had to get on with life, I had to work, juggle the family and care for my husband. I got a job with hours to fit around all this, and had the advantage of parents 3 doors away, to help.
20 years later, his personality changed again, and as is so common, I had to fight to get him tests, because the consultants made up their minds he was depressed. Finally, it was proved, he has mixed dementia, Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's.
Now the stranger that I looked after for all those years, has changed personality, again.
I feel that my husband is gone, but I can't grieve because he's still here. Only it's so hard now, the care he needs goes way beyond personal care, it involves me taking verbal abuse, and me feeling trapped as I stay with him 24 hours a day. His children won't visit us because of his nastiness, the same goes with all my friends.
His Dementia's are not advancing quickly, in fact after 2 and a half years with medication, he's probably still in the first stages. It doesn't seem to be affecting his memory enormously, but has taken his character away, he has no empathy anymore.
My problem is, he can't be left on his own because of his lack of mobility and the epilepsy (also caused by the stroke) I am waiting for Adult Social Care to decide if they will fund him for a weeks respite. My problem is how to care for someone I don't love. I hear all the sad stories about people caring for their loved ones, but how do I care for someone I don't even like sometimes? There, I've done it, I've admitted my guilt.
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