My father was diagnosed with vascular dementia four years ago. Up until this year mom coped very well with dad at home but his repetitive behaviour, lessening abilities and confusion have worsened. She does accept he has dementia and understands why he does what he does but she still persists in arguing with him about things he says/does wrong. She shouts at him, gets very cross & exasperated but won't accept any advice on dealing with matters differently either from myself who she thinks is undermining her authority or from her dementia adviser. I am not worried about my dad, sad though it is to see him living in this confusing, angry world. However, I am worried about my mom who has always been a very strong willed woman who has done things her way and only her way. I love them both very much and we are thankfully a close family but I fear that mom's own mental and physical health is suffering because of her attitude in dealing with dad. She will not attend any courses that have been offered to her either to learn how to deal with someone with dementia or on how look after herself as a carer. Has anyone else been through this scenario that can give me some advice on how to try and help mom without her feeling that I know better than her, which is not what I am trying to prove. I would just like to see her deal with matters in a calmer manner as her stress levels must be mega. Ultimately I can see dad in a care home because mom is her own worst enemy but cannot see it. If he did this would break her heart as she has always seen herself as a 'do-er' & a 'coper' under all circumstances. She has passed those genes on to me but presently I'm at a loss what to do! I visit them regularly, help with chores & sort out their household and financial matters, take them out every week etc.to try to lessen mom's load but of course I appreciate I am not the one living with the bizarre behaviours that mom has to cope with the majority of the time, when I'm not there. Sorry for the rant! Any advice appreciated,