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How about moving?

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
128
Looking for advice on moving. We are 3 yrs in, not too bad, just the usual, confusion, not knowing where things are, Loo, bedroom, shop etc, but are in a rural area, semi with stairs.. I want to move 35 miles away, to a town where my daughters are, maybe a retirement flat, where there is more going on. Has anyone else approached this? What is the start of a conversation?is there one, or is it a no.
 

Olliebeak

Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
127
Buckinghamshire
Hi @Thethirdmrsc
I think it’s a real plus and minus situation. I have a friend who says moving was the worst thing he did as his wife with dementia could not find anything in the kitchen and was really disoriented. BUT if you are moving to a home that will be more suitable (on one level) and somewhere where you will have more support from your daughters and the possibility to have more social contact the pluses probably outweigh the potential problems.
 

Mustang66

Registered User
Nov 27, 2019
53
Yes I moved from Oxfordshire back to London where my family are, sold & rented to ease some of the stress, I know its costly but it does put you in a better position to decide where you want to buy, moving is no easy feat, single handed & having to make the right decisions for both of you is daunting, I decided to get rid of everything we had collected , accumulated over the years, so the baggage you take with you is so much lighter, even things that I loved but had been kept in boxes in the loft all went, it definitely made the move easier, just being in the rental on the first night I felt so much happier being nearer my daughters, and in some way more protected, rented six months and moved again, I don't know how long for as already downsized twice for financial reasons as OH diagnosed at 60 although had symptoms much earlier so we are not retirement age yet, I think I amazed myself ( cause no one else is going to pat you on the back) but it was not easy, but 100% worth it, OH seems content and having family round us I don't feel so isolated, I am sure you will make the right decision
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
704
Basingstoke, Hampshire
We moved from Wales to Hampshire as the property we lived in was unsuitable for me to manage alone and I wanted to be nearer my daughter. With such a distance to move we were unable to buy straightaway not knowing the area. So we too rented a property, for us it was for a year before we could find a property to buy. I say "we" but of course I had to do everything.
I strongly believe that my husband's condition worsened with the two moves, especially his walking. But I do not regret it. We are now in a flat in an over 50's complex and I am now mixing with others much more than I was in Wales.
Just remember that things will get worse with the disease and if you feel you will be better off within easier reach of your family, do it now.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
1,153
South East
My pwd was confused and disorientated in her own home even before she moved in with me , she has done really well here and occasionally forgets what’s where . I think you accept it will happen, but you also need to do what’s good for you too and being closer to your family support is an important factor .
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,702
Kent
We relocated from the north west to the south east, three years before my husband was diagnosed, to be nearer our son.

My husband agreed to the move and knew the area because we had been visiting every school holiday for ten years.

Once we arrived here he said it was the worst decision he had even made and then spent all his time trying to return.

Because he was so upset and disorientated I agreed to put our bungalow on the market and return to Manchester.

We sold the bungalow twice and each time, just before exchanging contracts he had a panic attack and wanted to stay here.

After that I realised he was unable to stay with a decision so made the decision to stay in the south east near our son.

It was sad for my husband but even so turned out the best for both of us and our son too. Our son was a source of support which we would not have had anywhere else. He was on hand to know what was happening instead of being hundreds of miles away and commuting to try to help.

Now I am on my own. I live in an area I really like, in a small bungalow which is easily managed and on the doorstep of a very supportive family.

Because dementia is a progressive illness I do believe spouses are justified in making the decisions which they hope will work out to be the best for everyone concerned.
 

rhubarbtree

Registered User
Jan 7, 2015
492
North West
I moved from south east to north west to be near family and also had to rent until I found somewhere suitable. Renting does have the advantage of separating sale and purchase and avoids that one day move. It also gave me the chance to get to know the area. Who would have thought I would take such a dislike to the level crossing? Like your PWD my OH had poor navigation in our home so being in a different house did not seem to make much difference. Furniture and furnishings are familiar though and he still had his favourite chair. It took quite a while to find a suitable place as I wanted to be near family, a shop and transport. These are so important as we age. I was also able to have building work done - an extended kitchen where he can watch tv or look at the garden and a wet room which makes life a lot easier.

Make the best decision for yourself. If you are happy and settled it will ease the burden of caretaking.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
128
Thank you all. One of the hard things about all this is the constant decision making of anything really, on your own. Someone else said that it is like being a mother to a 13st toddler with behavioural problems. The stairs are the biggest issue. I hadn’t thought of renting so that’s an idea. Off to the drawing board!
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
420
We moved so I could be near to my family - for me it was the best decision and I'm so glad we did, it helps so much to have family close by. I have seen a deterioration in my partner but impossible to know if it's because of the move or if it is the natural progression of the disease. It has had it's annoyances in that, for example, he doesn't know where any of the light switches are and I'm up and down in the night switching the light on so he can go to the loo. You need to keep all your furniture and their precious things to help the PWD feel at home and settle. It took a couple of months for my partner to settle but he's OK now and doesn't remember our previous home, although for a few weeks he was asking to go home. Moving is of course very stressful for the person dealing with it - if you can afford to get a removal company who do all the packing that will make things a lot easier. There are a few drawbacks to renting, e.g can't make the home your own, can't put pictures up, might not be able to get a live in carer, risk to the landlords carpets/flooring if the PWD becomes incontinent, etc. You would also want to avoid moving again if possible which would just further confuse the PWD.