I am the primary carer for an elderly mum with dementia. I live in her house. Her wish to stay in her home is very clear. As well as being her primary carer, I work full-time. Over the last few years I have done everything concerning mum's welfare, medical visits, legal and financial bits and continue to do the lion's share meeting her needs; particularly her need for emotional support snd companionship. I work weekends, evenings and bank holidays when I should be on leave/ resting to make up working hours disrupted by meeting her needs. I work from home 60% to 70% of the week in order to meet her needs and this has really impacted on my job satisfaction and mental health. My family fill the afternoon and early evening when I'm on site. Nights and weekends I am mostly looking after mum with some afternoon support occasionally. I pay all my food bills and most of household cleaning stuff etc. My question is: should I also still be contributing to water, gas and electric? If I'm perfectly honest, and I don't like myself very much, I feel resentful paying. If and when mum goes into care, the house will be sold to take care of her. I am not intentionally trying to take advantage.
Household bills
- Thread starter Molly66
- Start date
Hello @Molly66 . Welcome to the forum. I can understand how you must feel as you are putting so much effort in to caring with no reward. I'm assuming you're in the UK.
Do you get paid an allowance for fuel for working from home? If so, then I think that should be paid ,less tax, towards the bill as you have been given that money for a specific purpose. Also pay the council tax as your mum would likely be exempt due to her mental impairment.
Other overheads,insurances etc your mum would have to pay regardless so personally I think it's ok to not contribute to those. But... others may feel differently . Caring is a thankless task and on a personal level I don't think that could be seen as taking advantage.
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Hi @Molly66
i was in a similar situation. I moved into mums to care for her for two years. I reduced my working hours to cope but like you had no other life.
what does your mum say? Can she contribute at all to the discussion? We had discussed such scenarios with both parents pre dementia and it was always agreed that any child who cared should not lose out financially. I have done BUT whilst living with mum she paid all the bills. This was to compensate me for lost earnings and as a thanks for caring. I also had to pay my own mortgage tho on my empty property For that time.
The bills will not be much more for 2 people that 1 so I would say feel free not to contribute. You’re doing enough.
i was in a similar situation. I moved into mums to care for her for two years. I reduced my working hours to cope but like you had no other life.
what does your mum say? Can she contribute at all to the discussion? We had discussed such scenarios with both parents pre dementia and it was always agreed that any child who cared should not lose out financially. I have done BUT whilst living with mum she paid all the bills. This was to compensate me for lost earnings and as a thanks for caring. I also had to pay my own mortgage tho on my empty property For that time.
The bills will not be much more for 2 people that 1 so I would say feel free not to contribute. You’re doing enough.
