Hospital killing my Husband!

TyJane

Registered User
Aug 19, 2006
101
0
My husband has been in name of hospital deleted by moderator Hospital, in Shorehan by Sea, for three weeks. He refuses to eat or drink.

They say they can not force him to eat, he has lost a terrific amount of weight. He is dissapearing before my eyes.

When he went into hospital he was not incontinent, but is now!

Do I have to watch him die?

Would appreciate anyone's views on this,

Jane
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,456
0
72
Dundee
How awful for you. Can't advise but wanted to say I am thinking of you. I am sure someone here will have practical advice. Izzy x
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
14,697
0
Dear Jane,

I am so sorry to hear about what you and your husband are experiencing. It sounds horrific. Is your husband on a drip to keep him hydrated? It is not really possible to make positive comments because it would require so much more information. I suppose you have tried feeding your husband yourself with little tasty, nourishing morsels?

I feel so inadequate to offer constructive advice but I do hope that you get some help Jane.

Love x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,810
0
Kent
Hello Jane.

I have had to delete the name of the hospital as it contravenes TP`s Terms and Conditions;
Health and care providers

Where you have had good or bad experience of health and care providers such as NHS facilities, care homes, or their staff - please do not name the organisations or associated individuals on the forum.

I`m really sorry your husband has reached this stage in his illness but what would you like the hospital to do? Would you want him to be force fed? Would you want him to be tube fed? Would you want a PEG fitted?
Have you asked for intervention?
I understand how distressing this must be for you but is there an answer?
 

TyJane

Registered User
Aug 19, 2006
101
0
Thank you moderator!

Yes it awful, unfortunately, he is not the only one there. It is third world.

I asked for an intravenous drip last week, and was told no!

The doctor saw him 2 day's ago, and relented, unfortunately it pooled and had to be taken out, and it was put in again, yesterday lunchtime, after my request.

I take him in food, which he always eats, with lots of encouragement, they are short of staff at all times with only one qualified nurse, and do not have the time.

I do not drive, it takes two and a half hours by bus to reach the hospital, and £25 for a taxi both way's. At the moment I have spent over £300 to get there. Regardless of this I go every day, someone has to look after him.

I feel they are turning his lights out!!!

Jane
 

TyJane

Registered User
Aug 19, 2006
101
0
Understand Hazel!

The family are trying to get him home, because he does not want to be there. He recognizes all the family! always has. On Monday there's a meeting as to organising care for him at home.

I am quite confident that with the right care, I will be able to look after my husband.

After the all, most of people working there, have the same qualification as me NVQ3.

Jane
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
Complaints process

Dear Jane, I'm copying below a page from the Western Sussex Hospitals trust website, which I'm guessing is the correct authority covering the hospital your husband is in. The webpage gives details of complaints processes and contact details for the PALS officer.

There is also a freephone number for a local information service which may be useful, (not sure).


http://www.worthinghospital.nhs.uk/Patients_and_visitors/patient_advice/PALS.htm

I will also look up some more information for you in a minute.
 

DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
9,222
0
Help with transport costs

Jane, I don't know whether this is relevant to you or not, but I have been looking up information on help with transport costs, and came across this link on the Help The Aged website. Most of the page is about claiming transport costs if you are the patient, but if you scroll down to the bottom end of the page, there are suggestions about claiming transport costs as a spouse or carer.

Hope this is helpful.

http://www.helptheaged.org.uk/en-gb...laimingBenefits/Health/as_health_160106_6.htm
 

TyJane

Registered User
Aug 19, 2006
101
0
Thanks Debra

They do not have Pals at the hospital my husband is in!

Have been in touch and they are helping me, as I made a complaint to the NHS.

Also the social services have got involved, and are looking into the complaints I have made, will know more next week.

I just want to get my husband out of there, that is my goal.

Jane
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
When he went into hospital he was not incontinent, but is now!

If hospitals, respite and assessment centres could simply address this major issue it would be such a good step forward.

It is almost as if they force it to happen, to save work. Realistically, it is short staffing, poor quality staff, no training, lack of concern for the patient and their family - plus a major lack of supervision generally of staff and the care they provide.

Never, in any institution, have I seen a member of staff, whose responsibility is to review, minute to minute, the care their colleagues give. In other words, Quality Assurance.

I guess it might be a perceived infringement of the staff's human rights to be monitored in what they do.......;)
 

Sandy

Registered User
Mar 23, 2005
6,847
0
Hi Jane,

What a distressing picture - I hope the meeting on Monday will find a way for your husband to come home. Please make sure that he is considered for NHS Continuing Care.

What was the original reason for being admitted to hospital?

Take care,
 

maryw

Registered User
Nov 16, 2008
3,809
0
Surrey
It is almost as if they force it to happen, to save work. Realistically, it is short staffing, poor quality staff, no training, lack of concern for the patient and their family - plus a major lack of supervision generally of staff and the care they provide.

So sorry for your worries Jane. Just wanted to add to Brucie's comment, that, sadly this is what I observed when my own mother was in hospital. There were so many of we relatives hunting around for staff to help the patients to the toilet, or even seeking a bedpan. We would sometimes walk up and down several wards looking for a member of staff. The ward was busy so I do have some sympathy for their situation, at the same time, we did notice that if someone was due a coffee break, they were going to have their coffee break no matter who wanted the toilet.

At night-time they moved the button out of my mother's reach so in the end she wet the bed....

Oh dear, what a state for our hospitals to be in. It all seems so short-sighted not to ensure the dignity of the patients.
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
0
near London
If we think about, in particular, the situation where patients are not toileted, then it makes us very angry, coupled with outraged, saddened, even guilty.

None of which does anyone much good, of course.

I was thinking just now how one might try to bring home in training to people how dreadful this whole single issue of toileting appears, and is.

I was imagining standing with a suitable member of staff [and we could start with management], and saying... as part of your training now, we want you to put a pad on, and we're going to fill it with some typical contents. Then we're going to sit you down for perhaps 10 minutes, just so you see how those in your care experience life.

I reckon we could all predict the replies...

- degrading
- indecent
- filthy
- unhealthy
- etc

The next sentence I might say would be all too obvious: "that was just ten minutes. So, how do you think those in your care feel, when they are left for very much longer in that state?"

I wonder if training ever includes role play? I wonder how much a part of training is the whole issue of engagement with the person?

I'm just interested.

In the software industry, I've been on sales courses too many to mention. Engagement with a customer, telephone training, understanding their needs, addressing their problems. All are considered critical.

A software sales manager doesn't retain the position for long if their staff don't do their job; neither do the staff.

The problem in the hospital/care home context comes down to money and the right kind of person doing the job. But also supervision.

In care homes, the status of the job is extremely low, and is matched by the remuneration. Hospitals fare better but something has gone badly wrong in many places there too.

Society rates care homes and those with dementia too far down the food chain to enable the sort of care we all wish. Society needs to re-establish what is important.
 

Marianne

Registered User
Jul 5, 2008
301
0
NW England
Tyjane So sorry to hear about your husband we are currently experiencing similar problems with my MIL who was admitted on the 18th December after slipping off the bed at home and breaking her hip. They operated on her hip on the 24th Dec and wanted to send her home on the 28th Dec at this point and even to this day she still has not been out of bed once. My brother in law and his wife are her main carers but they cannot manage her at home in this state. Even when the nursing staff move her in bed slightly she is screaming out in pain, how they could think of sending her home like this is beyond me.

She had slight dementia before her admission but this has worsened since being admitted resulting in her refusing food. When we visited the nurse handed me a yoghurt and a spoon to see if she would have it from us, I did my best as did my husband but she insists she isn't eating anything and she says she is proud of herself, which I would imagine is due to her dementia but is so frustrating. She has a drip and is catheterised but there has been no mention yet of help with her care at home.

I hope the meeting on Monday goes well for you.
Best wishes
Marianne
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
0
Jane - while the specific hospital may not have a PALS unit, there maybe one within the PCT that would be applicable. Have you looked at this website http://www.pals.nhs.uk/ ?

Bruce - I could not agree more. Role playing would be a very worthwhile thing particularly with regard to incontinence (or rather, not incontinence).
 

sad nell

Registered User
Mar 21, 2008
3,190
0
bradford west yorkshire
Dear Ty jane i am so sorry you and your husband are in this situation, my husband went into hospital continent within a week was doubley incontinent, just do not know how this can be, but it happens so regulary, the staff said they would have to have a rethink when i questioned this, i know the desease can change rapidley but this is to much of a coincedense, At change over time, no staff to be seen, husband soaked and soiled know this has to happen but discussing what they did at the weekend put my husband at risk and i said so ( can imagine what was said when i left)to pacify me they asked me to sit on the board that was selecting a new manager, this i did , but think it was just a bit of damage limitation, The consultant was excellent and supported me in bringing trev home with huge care package, which trev would not accept. but 3years down line he had deteriated, but his easier to handle and with carers help i can just manage. and i accept any help going which i found hard to do initially, hope my story gives you abit of hope for the future, if i can assist in anyway please pm me love to you both, will hubbie drink fortie sips, tins of rice pudd, custard and cream
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
0
SW Scotland
I wonder if training ever includes role play? I wonder how much a part of training is the whole issue of engagement with the person?

I'm just interested.

Yes Bruce, we use role play as part of our dementia champions course, though that's for nurses on the wards, not basic training. And I don't think we've ever asked anyone to wear a filled pad!:eek:

Perhaps next year?:)
 

Winnie Kjaer

Account Closed
Aug 14, 2009
2,011
0
Devon
Dear tyjane,
So sorry to read your thread and the situation you are finding yourself in.
My mother was in our local hospital last year the last week in August, due to dehydration. I expected her to be put on a drip straight away but they refused saying she was able to swallow but refused to.She did not eat nor drink anything whilst hospitalised. She was in for 1 week and then they told me to take her home adding that she was depressed and normally they would give her antidepressant but as they take 3 weeks or more to kick in it was pointless as my mother only had 3 weeks left to live.I brought her home and slowloy but surely got her to eat. First yoghurt then custard then orange mandarins and so forth few weeks on and she was eating properly and even managed to start going to daycentre once a week with my husband from the 1st January. My mother had further strokes and died this September but I think as your mother is nowhere near as far ahead with the dementia as mine was you will be able to nourish her once she comes home. Keep taking whatever she fancies to the hospital in the meantime or ask if you can have food for her when you are there. They always have yoghurt in the fridge and cereals available and can warm some milk in the microwave, just make sure she has something, it does not really matter what it is.
I hope everything works out for you quickly.
 

Winnie Kjaer

Account Closed
Aug 14, 2009
2,011
0
Devon
I am so sorry I have just realised it is your husband not your mother you are worried about, so sorry I got mixed up again. The advise still applies though and so do these hugs. Take care