Holidays/Weekends away alone

[mandyp]

Hi all

It's been a while since I posted and Mum is now settled in the home as well as we could hope and we are as contented as we can be with her care.

My question isn't related to Mum, it's Dad.

I wondered what some of you in similar situations do about holidays/wee breaks where your partner is in care. Dad only has family and friends they both spent time with. He has no friends that arent part of a couple. He does go to concerts etc with friends etc and has no problem with this (apart from missing Mum).

However, I think he needs a wee break and I would like to get him one for Christmas (not sending him away at Christmas, I just meant a wee weekend somewhere afterwards). Him and Mum often went away weekends and he still talks about it and says he'd like to go away but can't afford it.

I'm not sure if he would hate to be on his own (I've tried to get him to come with us for a weekend, but he doesn't want to!!)

I just wondered what other people thought/if anyone had been away on their own/if anyone thought it was a horrible idea!

He does enjoy his own company and likes doing his crossword with a pint of real ale in a wee pub.

Oh I'm wittering on, I'm just not sure what to do and if he'd 'really' like to get away. If I asked him he'd say it was too expensive and he didn't want to go.

Thanks!

 

[Stewart]

It's a very difficult question as it depends so much on the person.

My wife went into care a few months ago, she is not aware that she has moved and appears content in a small home for younger people with dementia. I am now just a familiar face.

For me, the change has been very hard, it is desperately lonely when you have lived happily with someone for over 30 years. It is also a strange situation as you will be in limbo for a long time, grieving but with no closure.

To have a positive future I recognise that I need to change. I make much more effort to socialise with people than I used to (even in small ways such as when I walk the dog) and I am actively seeking good sociable holidays.

I would only enjoy a weekend away if it was some sort of group activity where I am likely to be with people of a similar age and background. eg walking. I recently went on a sailing holiday with a guy who I did not know very well (he was recently divorced) I had the most fun I've had for years.

So, for me, a weekend away purely by myself would be very lonely. I would have thought that a weekend away with family would be the best bet for your Dad, although you say that this is not for him.

Tough one! Hope you can find something that he will enjoy.

Best wishes

Stewart

 

[BeckyJan]

Personally I would not want our daughters to arrange a holiday for me without a discussion.

When given emergency respite some years ago, my first break was a two night retreat - I slept and walked for 3 days completely alone and in silence. I needed that then.

Since I have had 2/3 day breaks but always with someone or in a group.

Have you thought of looking up 'singles' breaks? I think there are good ones in a variety of age groups. If you had appropriate leaflets maybe you could plant this idea to gave your Dad time to consider it.