Holiday Blues

[chridgets]

Recently my partner and I went away for a 10 day holiday with extended family. There were only 5 of us. we went to a place that we had never been before. After the first night's sleep Bridget wanted to know when we were going home. With some explanations and support, she understood but everyday wanted to go home. THe two of us went home half way through the holiday. My concern is that we are planning a trip to Ireland (home of her birth, where she has visited many times though she has not lived there for many years.) Our plan is to go for 3 weeks (we live on the west coast of Canada). Given our recent experience, I am concerned. Does anyone have any experience, thoughts, suggestions?

 

[Mamsgirl]

Did your Mum settle down when you went home?

 

[chridgets]

Bridget is my partner and yes she did settle down when we got home.
Then yesterday I had a friend visit her and she took Bridget to visit her former workplace. Bridget came home saying that everything had changed. She told me that the offices had been changed around and it was not the same. "I'm not going back there again. No place like home." It seems that familiarity has become very important to her. Anyone else have this experience?

Also she obsesses about things. tries to remember the names of former co-workers and can't rest until we have all the names.

Another thing is immediacy. Everything has to be right now. Even when I'm on the phone, she will ask me a question.

Any suggestions? And I am still concerned about this trip.

Did your Mum settle down when you went home?

 

[Izzy]

Not sure what to advise. I'm lucky that my husband is still managing holidays despite a 12 year diagnosis of Alzheimer's. he somehow seems to accept wherever we are as where we are supposed to be. Sorry, not being much help here.

 

[1954]

Sorry to hear about your disastrous holiday

We have found that we could not manage 2 nights away and the one day yesterday we went to France tried out patience to the core! MIL seemed to like it

I don't how you will personally cope with such a trip. MIL does not understand anything, can not see in front of her nose except alcohol! And unfortunately gets more and more confused with being away. We will never go away with MIL again. It was awful.

If you did go and she was so confused how would you get home, if she did have to do home early?

 

[Mamsgirl]

Ah Chridgets sorry for the mistake <Toe curling embarrassment>, teach me to check the forum first, although referring to a parent by their first name didn't tip me off......

Wondering if looking at photos of Ireland, specifically where you'll be staying, would give an indication of Bridget's enthusiasm. My Mum's from the West coast of Ireland and enjoys looking at photos of her home town and hearing all the news, but just doesn't want to go back there any more. Mum says it's changed too much and she would feel too sad.

Could the obsessive attempts at remembering former coworker's names and the need for things to be attended immediately be Bridget's way of fighting back against memory loss?

Toni.

 

[Brucie]

It is a major dilemma, to figure out when that last trip might not be a good idea.

The first thing I would be considering in your case is not Ireland, but the flight. It will be a long one and in your place I would be checking whether your travel insurance would cover it, and whether the airline would permit it. I'm not saying that the answer would be no to both, but you need to check.

The last long trip with my wife was to Barbados. She was ok on the way out, but had mishaps while there - including hospital trips - and confusion all through. Worst was her agitation and when I asked the travel rep if we could arrange for a 3 seat row on the plane for the two of us, and explained why, she said "for goodness' sake don't tell the airline or they may not let you travel home". So the story was that Jan was scared of flying and that worked.

In the event, she was fine on the return trip, but we never ever travelled far again as it was so painful to see her anguish at being away from what was still at that time, familiar.

That being said, each person is different. Jan was 58 at the time, and 8 years into her early onset dementia.

 

[chridgets]

Thanks,Bruce.
I'm not sure what to ask the insurance company. This is my first experience traveling with Bridget since her diagnosis. Thanks for you advice.
Chris

It is a major dilemma, to figure out when that last trip might not be a good idea.

The first thing I would be considering in your case is not Ireland, but the flight. It will be a long one and in your place I would be checking whether your travel insurance would cover it, and whether the airline would permit it. I'm not saying that the answer would be no to both, but you need to check.

The last long trip with my wife was to Barbados. She was ok on the way out, but had mishaps while there - including hospital trips - and confusion all through. Worst was her agitation and when I asked the travel rep if we could arrange for a 3 seat row on the plane for the two of us, and explained why, she said "for goodness' sake don't tell the airline or they may not let you travel home". So the story was that Jan was scared of flying and that worked.

In the event, she was fine on the return trip, but we never ever travelled far again as it was so painful to see her anguish at being away from what was still at that time, familiar.

That being said, each person is different. Jan was 58 at the time, and 8 years into her early onset dementia.

 

[Izzy]

When I get travel insurance I have to 'declare' Bill's Alzheimer's. This means I have to fill in a medical declaration form and pay extra! Not all insurance companies include Alzheimers in their list of conditions. To be honest I'm not entirely sure I know what this all means. I am at the stage now of needing to find out exactly what this does or does not cover us for as Bill's condition is worse than it used to be. If I find anything out I'll get back to you!

 

[chridgets]

Thanks, Izzy.

When I get travel insurance I have to 'declare' Bill's Alzheimer's. This means I have to fill in a medical declaration form and pay extra! Not all insurance companies include Alzheimers in their list of conditions. To be honest I'm not entirely sure I know what this all means. I am at the stage now of needing to find out exactly what this does or does not cover us for as Bill's condition is worse than it used to be. If I find anything out I'll get back to you!

 

[meme]

If she wants to go home every day again then how will that be for you???? You could go to Ireland, and use this trip as a decider of future ones. Let us know how you get on.....

 

[starryuk]

The first thing I would be considering in your case is not Ireland, but the flight.

Hi Chridgets,

I too, would worry about the long flight. Perhaps it won't affect your wife, but this is what happened when I brought my mum back from Australia Mum is a very experienced traveller and had done that flight many times before.

'We made it back (just)' my post on 14th November last year, describes the nightmare I had at 38,000 feet.

How will your wife cope with the jet lag? that is something else to think about...

I don't want to scare you and your wife is probably at an earlier stage in her dementia journey than my mum (and younger), but it was an unexpected shock for me and seemed to cause a sudden downturn in mum's condition.

 

[SueShell]

Mum doesn't go out anywhere anymore, but when I did have two attempts to take her away, she played up merry hell and I had to drive the 300 mile round trip without any sleep because she went absolutely ballistic during the night on both occasions as soon as we got there and I had to bring her home. Never again!

 

[Austinsmum]

Recently my partner and I went away for a 10 day holiday with extended family. There were only 5 of us. we went to a place that we had never been before. After the first night's sleep Bridget wanted to know when we were going home. With some explanations and support, she understood but everyday wanted to go home. THe two of us went home half way through the holiday. My concern is that we are planning a trip to Ireland (home of her birth, where she has visited many times though she has not lived there for many years.) Our plan is to go for 3 weeks (we live on the west coast of Canada). Given our recent experience, I am concerned. Does anyone have any experience, thoughts, suggestions?[/QUOTE)

I would be very concerned about the major shift in routine - I think as the disease progresses, routine is at the core of caring and any alteration can cause distress and agitation.
This summer we took my mum on a seven hour train journey to see her brothers in the north of Scotland - no doubt the last time they’ll see each other. Her brothers (who don’t have AD) were a little cold and uncommunicative, probably because they were surprised to see the change in their sister. I had warned them but the disruption of the trip made her completely withdrawn in company; head down, hiding in the corner. She gained nothing from the trip but I suppose her brothers in a way came to terms with saying good bye.
What I’m saying is maybe you need to ask ‘who is the trip for? And what is it’s purpose?’ If it’s just for your wife and old times sake I’d advise against it.
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