Hi

[BarbD1958]

Hi i’m Barb my brother has dementia and i thought id join to see if i could get a bit of helpful advice and have a vent!
My brother won’t accept any help, it took 2 years to get a diagnosis, his wife started asking for help for him in October 21 during lockdown, she sadly died in March 22. I took over trying to get him an appointment but didnt hear anything, i finally had to use my power of attorney only to find the memory clinic were about to take him off their files because they had been in touch with him but he kept telling them he was perfectly fine, after much cajoling and a lot of bad tempers we finally got a diagnosis of vascular dementia last December.
He wouldnt accept he had a problem other than old age memory lapses. He lives alone & my niece & i both live over 3 hours away so can’t just pop in.
At present my biggest bug bear is the constant calls about the day, date & time. When it started i bought him a digital alzheimers clock but he won’t use it because he says it’s too ‘in his face’ 🫣 He’s missed a few appointments because he has no idea of the date & he hasn’t told me he has an appointment. He says he hasn't got a diary, he has..
I’m driving down to visit on Friday and since i told him i’m going he’s phoned me up to 10 times a day asking me when/if i’m going, am i about to leave. I’ve told him to look on his mobile, ipad etc but he dats he doesn’t have one.
Has anyone any helpful ideas on how to get him to accept the clock?
I know in the realm if some problems it’s nothing but it drives me mad

 

[Gosling]

Hello @BarbD1958 and firstly welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here so I am glad you have found us.

I am sorry to read about your brother. As you may know already, being in denial that there is a problem is very common, and it sounds like your brother, even with the diagnosis, is unable to accept it.
I'm afraid I have no suggestions as to what to do about him accepting the clock issue. It's not something that I had to deal with. I did, however, have to deal with constant phone calls from my dear Mum. It did get to the stage where I didn't answer (sorry if that sounds harsh), but Mum had no memory of trying to call me anyway, so there was no upset. Just a thought.
Others may well be along shortly with their suggestion about the clock issue.
Please remember this is a safe space to let off a bit of steam when you need to. You'll find understanding from people who really do want to help. Take care.

 

[canary]

Unfortunately, a dementia clock only has a small window of time when it is useful.
Eventually, they lose understanding of time and the clock becomes meaningless to them. I suspect that this is what it happening with your brother

 

[BarbD1958]

Unfortunately, a dementia clock only has a small window of time when it is useful.
Eventually, they lose understanding of time and the clock becomes meaningless to them. I suspect that this is what it happening with your brother

😊 that was my thought but it would have been nice for him to have used it at least for a while