Hi

ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
I think that you are doing you're best to try and sort the situation out but the thing is even if you have the bank card your brother might just get your mum to have her money sent a different account, and I think social services need to put more effort into sorting this because they say she doesn't have capacity but don't seem to be providing solutions same goes for the police, I'm sorry that this is happening, I hope it gets sorted out fast💐💐
I've removed all financial paperwork from mums house to keep it away from him and Mum does have other bank accounts but because of her memory she won't have any idea who with or any other details. As for the police they have been useless all they had to do was check the cctv from when my brother last used mums card at an ATM and they would caught him in the act but they wouldn't do it. It's hard to understand.
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
30,282
0
Bury
the report from the social worker after her visit to see mum and she recommends I take this report and the report from the psychiatrist to mums bank and try and get a flag put on her account for any suspicious activity like a new card being requested etc, this was her Idea. I'm not even sure the back will speak to me as I have no POA or deputyship.
Careful, the bank might just close the account, they have a duty of care to the customer.
Are the various reports to the LA going direct to Adult Safeguarding?
 

ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
Careful, the bank might just close the account, they have a duty of care to the customer.
Are the various reports to the LA going direct to Adult Safeguarding?
Yes as far as in know. Each time a report was made a safeguarding person would phone me saying at this time there is nothing they can do because mum was giving him money by paying his bills, they ignored all the thefts, drug use in mums house, coercive behaviour and the smashed window because of his debts. They also told me if the psychiatrist made a report they would take it much more seriously but even after the psychiatrist made the report they still did nothing other than tell me to get deputyship, it was literally a 2 min phone call then they closed the case.
 

amIinthewrong?

Registered User
Jan 24, 2024
111
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Yes as far as in know. Each time a report was made a safeguarding person would phone me saying at this time there is nothing they can do because mum was giving him money by paying his bills, they ignored all the thefts, drug use in mums house, coercive behaviour and the smashed window because of his debts. They also told me if the psychiatrist made a report they would take it much more seriously but even after the psychiatrist made the report they still did nothing other than tell me to get deputyship, it was literally a 2 min phone call then they closed the case.
I'm so sorry to hear that they aren't taking matters further, the thing is your safety needs to come first, you aren't putting your self at risk are you by being involed? I say this because of the smashed windows at your mums place and the fact, that usually when someone is cut off from something, they are so used to having and they know who cut that source off they usually retaliate, it might be an idea to step back a bit from the situation,in order to get some breathing space and a bit of rest to weigh up you're options and how you go forward regarding this matter in the future.💐💐
 

ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
I'm so sorry to hear that they aren't taking matters further, the thing is your safety needs to come first, you aren't putting your self at risk are you by being involed? I say this because of the smashed windows at your mums place and the fact, that usually when someone is cut off from something, they are so used to having and they know who cut that source off they usually retaliate, it might be an idea to step back a bit from the situation,in order to get some breathing space and a bit of rest to weigh up you're options and how you go forward regarding this matter in the future.💐💐
I doubt my brother would retaliate against me himself but It has crossed my mind what would happen if my brother told the dealers about me. But I don't see what else I can do.
 

RiverB

New member
Sep 10, 2023
2
0
Hi my mum who is 90 was recently diagnosed with early dementia which is hard enough for me to deal with but my older brother still lives with mum, he's 54 and a drug addict, using class A drug in mums house and also steals from her regularly. Mum pays all of his bills and she gets no money off him at all. He works full time. Mum wouldn't do POA accusing me of wanting to take over her finances. The psychiatrist mum saw at the memory clinic made a safeguarding report as it all came out about my brother. Mum is very vulnerable because of her memory so it's been difficult for me, my mental health has taken a huge hit. Today my brother phoned mum and asked her if she had been to the cash machine yet so he's asking her to get money for him. Any advice for this nightmare situation?
As a retired Police Officer I have to say that difficult though it may be for you to deal with, a drug addict only has one objective - to get funds for drugs. Absolutely nothing else. Any love or consideration is so far down the list that it is insignificant. Drug addicts lie and deceive as their need for drugs overrides everything.
It's easy to say and hard to do, but you need to get fully authorised control of your mother's finances as a matter of urgency and probably make the police aware, if not actively involved just yet. See if your local police have a public protection unit or similar and make an appointment to speak in person and in confidence to one of them. From what you say, it would seem that getting supervision and control of tour mother's finances is vital - for both her and indeed your brother's best interests over the short and long term. Perhaps speak with the Office of the Public Guardian as well. They are very helpful. This won't be easy, but it will be short term effort for longer term peace of mind.
 

ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
As a retired Police Officer I have to say that difficult though it may be for you to deal with, a drug addict only has one objective - to get funds for drugs. Absolutely nothing else. Any love or consideration is so far down the list that it is insignificant. Drug addicts lie and deceive as their need for drugs overrides everything.
It's easy to say and hard to do, but you need to get fully authorised control of your mother's finances as a matter of urgency and probably make the police aware, if not actively involved just yet. See if your local police have a public protection unit or similar and make an appointment to speak in person and in confidence to one of them. From what you say, it would seem that getting supervision and control of tour mother's finances is vital - for both her and indeed your brother's best interests over the short and long term. Perhaps speak with the Office of the Public Guardian as well. They are very helpful. This won't be easy, but it will be short term effort for longer term peace of mind.
Hi I can totally relate to the lying and decieving. When he stole the £2000 he got very angry when we confronted him he denied it all until we said we could get CCTV then he came clean and promised he'd never do it again but he continued with the drugs and stealing. He's always desperate for money, he has known for over a year I keep an eye on mums bank using her banking app on my phone but he still continued to steal showing how desperate he is and knowing he would be on CCTV. Even now he still denies everything and sadly mum believes him and not me as he manipulates her so much. A few weeks ago I found paper snorting tubes the same as I found in his bedroom but these were in the drivers door pocket of mums car so he's using cocaine in her car which is incredible stupid. But anyway like you say I need to get control of mums finances asap to make it as hard as I can for him. Thanks for the advice.
 
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ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
Mum told me today that my brother keeps telling her she needs to get cash pressurising her, ringing her 5 or 6 times a day when he's at work and she's getting very upset with me because I have her card and I have to keep saying no.

Today I enquired at the CAB about deputyship and they said they don't have anyone with knowledge and just told me to go on their website or .gov

Anyone who has done deputyship through a solicitor how much did you pay? I'm getting desperate.
 

maggie6445

Registered User
Dec 29, 2023
587
0
Mum told me today that my brother keeps telling her she needs to get cash pressurising her, ringing her 5 or 6 times a day when he's at work and she's getting very upset with me because I have her card and I have to keep saying no.

Today I enquired at the CAB about deputyship and they said they don't have anyone with knowledge and just told me to go on their website or .gov

Anyone who has done deputyship through a solicitor how much did you pay? I'm getting desperate.
Is there an age UK or dementia charity near you? They may be prepared to talk you through filling the form in even if they don't have experience. A well being centre or carers resource may be willing to help you complete the form . I've not done this form but others on this site have so it's possible for people to do.
 

ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
Is there an age UK or dementia charity near you? They may be prepared to talk you through filling the form in even if they don't have experience. A well being centre or carers resource may be willing to help you complete the form . I've not done this form but others on this site have so it's possible for people to do.
I'm struggling to find someone that can help. I thought the cab would have been more helpful. I am registered with a local carers centre so I'll contact them but have a feeling they'll just say to use a solicitor.
 

phill

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
45
0
Thanks, so if I apply do I have to tell mum? because if I do she will tell him about it. He obviously wouldn't want it to happen as it'll mean he wouldn't get any more money from mum.
If you are unsure whether or not to apply for deputyship in relation to her finances, why not take some initial advice from a solicitor. The solicitor will explain what is involved, how long it’s likely to take, and answer your other queries. Then you can decide whether you want to instruct the solicitor to make the application for you, or have a go at making it yourself.
 

ian01

Registered User
Dec 10, 2023
78
0
If you are unsure whether or not to apply for deputyship in relation to her finances, why not take some initial advice from a solicitor. The solicitor will explain what is involved, how long it’s likely to take, and answer your other queries. Then you can decide whether you want to instruct the solicitor to make the application for you, or have a go at making it yourself.
Thanks Phill.