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Hi just joined......

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Area1, Jul 17, 2017.

  1. Area1

    Area1 Registered User

    Jul 17, 2017
    Good afternoon to everybody..

    I have just joined the site,as my wife has early stages of dementia..
    As we have just found out....I thought I would start finding information about this condition Asap!and have read some very heartfelt and difficult situations
    At the moment my situation is fairly light compared with many of you,but after reading so many stories and comments I know it's only the bottom of a very large mountain I will be climbing with my wife....
    By the way I am 61 and my wife is 10 yrs older love her to bits and she is scared as hell of her future,I have already reassured her that she will not be alone it's going to be a two man job...
    My main worry at the moment is that I will have to give up work,but we still have the dreaded mortgage around our necks...and not enough to pay it off....to give us some ease of money worries....
    As I have found out reading so many things on the site the sooner you get sorted the better you'll be for the later stages...like the power of attorney etc...

    All I wanted to say was hi to you all....and there is me ranting away already.....
    So to all have a good afternoon/evening
    From me(area1=Chris)and my wife
  2. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Hello there Chris and Mrs Chris, welcome!
    It may never come to you needing to give up work (unless you want to that is). Or maybe you might be able to work part time instead of full time.
    Your wife will likely be eligible for lower rate Attendance Allowance (not means tested) so you could get the ball rolling and apply for that asap which will give you a little more income. You might have to wait until a certain amount of time after diagnosis, others will advise.
    Ask away on here and you'll get lots of support too.
  3. Area1

    Area1 Registered User

    Jul 17, 2017
    Thank you

    Thank you for the welcome hillbilly....
    Most kind of you.
    I will be asking questions and be reading with interest the many post here on the site..they are all very interesting and informative....its just a shock for both me and the misses at the moment and we are coming to terms with it......once again many thanks
  4. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    Welcome from me too, Chris. I wouldn't give up your job unless and until the situation is desperate! You will need the space, apart from the money, and also, frankly, you need to think about your own future financial needs, like Pension Rights etc. I'm not familiar with how things work over there, but I would say keep your job if at all possible. Tbh, at your age, it would be difficult to get back into the workforce in years to come.

    Don't be put off by reading of situations here where people are dealing with very difficult things. You may not ever get to those difficulties, or not for years. In the immediate future, you will find that you and your wife will be carrying on your lives the same as you were right before she was diagnosed! You are right about taking care of practicalities like POA though. Now is the time to get things sorted.
  5. Area1

    Area1 Registered User

    Jul 17, 2017
    many thanks

    many thanks ladyA.....
    I have been at work today and all I have been thinking about is how I can keep my wife healthy and in good body and mind.and convincing her it very early stages but she has changed in her attitude, knowing she has been diagnosed.........I will do anything to keep her in a positive outlook...I work for a big company and they have a works chaplain I have been thinking approaching him as a mediator between me and my company about our situation...maybe it could shed some light on our futures.....
    many thanks for reply ladyA
    and all my best
    chris plus his lovely misses
  6. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    Chris, maybe some of the Alzheimer's Society factsheets would help your wife? You can take a look at what's available on the main site here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/?_ga=2.6144115.1566914524.1500021812-726126186.1498292883 and some more specific resources here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/...01.1566914524.1500021812-726126186.1498292883
  7. Oh Knickers

    Oh Knickers Registered User

    Nov 19, 2016
    #7 Oh Knickers, Jul 18, 2017
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2017

    As though it has come as a bit of a brick wall for you. Dementia in its many forms has its own trajectory. It can be fast progressing (unusual), or just a slow dawdle. It is a case of getting your head round it but only crossing the bridges when you come to them.

    Mother has had FTD (Fronto Temporal Dementia) for over 15 years. We were aware that she was more 'vague' than usual. It has been a slow process. Our father's vascular dementia meant that he decided to die when his last stroke took away his sense of taste. In all, he lasted 4 years.

    You have mentioned talking with your works chaplain. Good idea. I have also found the organisations listed below pools of sanity, great sources of information and sympathetic to offload to.

    In the meantime, get the things in place you need to. AA (Attendance Allowance) as it brings in welcome finances. It is also the necessary threshold for SS (Social Services) to take the situation seriously should it be necessary. Once you and your wife have the diagnosis letter apply for Council Tax Disregard. It will reduce the Council Tax by 25%. You go onto the local Council website look for Council Tax, Council Tax Disregard, Mental Impairment Disregard (totally, totally, tactless). You need AA in place before applying. (The organisations below will help you with AA). You also need the letter from the GP or Consultant. Print off the form online and ensure that when your GP or Consultant signs it that the date of diagnosis is correct as you will then get the Disregard backdated.

    As already suggested, sort out Wills and POA (Power of Attorney) for your wife. Also look into what is 'yours' and what is 'hers' financially. Saves having to do it when you are, potentially, in a lather. Sounds very cold blooded but should it come to it SS will look over your finances to assess whether your wife will be self-funding or they need to fund her. But the last one is a bridge way into the future.

    Here are the organisations for you. Scroll down the page on the first two and put in your postcode. The LOcal number will come up. The local group will have the information on what is available in your areas as well as a lot of other useful information:

    Alzheimers Society
    Age UK
    Admiral Nurses

    Try and build up as many good, happy memoeis whilst you can. At least you will feel you have some semblance of control. Those memories will be important in that you will feel you will have done as best you could and they will give you good memories to look back on.

    Keep posting as there is a lot of support and information here too.
  8. Area1

    Area1 Registered User

    Jul 17, 2017
    The memory test

    Hi all
    Many thanks for all your comments I really appreciate all your help
    We went for the memory test but the wife was so upset that we could not carry on with it....the tester stopped the test as she was so upset....now we have another test booked for Tuesday and I hope that she will be able to do this,I was amazed that I could sit in on the first test but it upset me knowing it was so difficult for her to answer some questions,this time around I will sit it out and hopefully she feels slightly better by going it alone....and not trying to impress me.....hope she relaxes and does her best......
    At the moment we are dealing with anxiety and depression,I think these go hand in hand with all the test what are out there.......and being told that you may have dementia it's coming to terms with it.......
    Until we have been told how progressive she is I have not taken any poa etc.....just her medical stuff for now.......
    Once again many thanks for your help and support keep you all posted on how things are going
    Chris and his lovely misses jan
  9. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Hi, you will probably not be told how long the illness will last, cos nobody can do this. It may be related to the exact diagnosis, there are many types of dementia, the most common being Alzheimer's and vascular dementia. My OH had both.
    So do the paperwork, wills, POAs, AA and council tax disregard now!
    Good luck!

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