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Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Hustru, Aug 12, 2015.
Hi Histru, welcome to TP
If you want to say where you're from or where you are then people might be able to engage a bit more with some local knowledge in in your first language but of course it's up to you how much you want to share.
My wife had to give up working at 50 as she couldn't cope anymore although it too 5 more years before she was formally diagnosed. If your husband is like my wife then we're 7 years down the line since she was diagnosed and life goes on, yes she has a memory like a sieve but we get along. My mother on the other hand went downhill quite quickly but on the other hand she was nearly 90.
No two journeys are the same on this road there are so many variables no one can predict how yours will be, but we are here to; help, talk and give you some cyber cuddles when the going gets tough.
I'm sorry your husband has been given this diagnosis, it must have been a great shock especially as he is so young. I can't really offer any advice as my husband has vascular dementia but I'm sure there will be people who have had a wide variety of experience of living with AD.
It's very good that you have found Talking Point. There are a lot of lovely people on here and you can get good advice and support. Very best wishes to you. Es
I'm new too
Hi Hirstru, I'm new too.
Welcome to Talking Point.
Can you tell us a bit about your situation. It will help others to give you the support you need.
Hi I am new here and looking for anyone that can help me understand is it usual for your partner to shut you out and not beable to talk to you how the dementia is making them feel? Feeling very alone
Hi meadow walker, welcome to TP. I think it very much depends on the level of awareness the sufferer has of their condition. From what I've read some are in denial so won't talk about it, some, like my husband who has vascular dementia, don't understand or can't articulate their feelings. It's so hard to find the person you have always shared everything with has effectively gone from your life, or so it seems. I think you just have to go along with whatever he is comfortable talking about. You will find loads of support on TP, so keep posting. xxx
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Morning meadowalker welcome to TP, you will get a lot of support on here. I second what Jinx has said, it really does depend on how far into the horrible decease he has got. My husband has VD and is totally unaware anything is wrong with his memory, albeit he really has no conversation but does know me and the family. Unfortunately he is now in a permanent CH as most nights he only has around 1-2 hours sleep which was impossible for me to look after him. Keep posting and more and more people will say how they are coping with the illness.
Hi Iam new to TP as well
My husband has had AD for 5 years now and has never talked about his diagnosis. He thought he only had to take tablets and it would all get better. Unfortunately, he has Parkinsons Disease as well. I too feel very lonely and isolated, however, Talking Point has been like a breath of fresh air and I wish I had found it a long time ago. It just helps to know there are other people who are kind of in the same boat.
My wife won't discuss it either, never has and can get quite aggressive if anyone does (quite out of her nature normally). I don't know if it's that she can't/won't talk about it or that she has simply never accepted it in her mind. Normal is I have to tell her to get undressed, give her new clothes and make sure she puts them on the right way round, yet to her this is "normal" now. I hate to think what she would think if the "old" her could see the "new" her.
Questioning invites confrontation and that's never a good thing so I just let her live in her own world of "normal".
I think it's pretty widely recognised that women like to talk things out where men bottle things up (a bit stereotypical I know), so maybe it's easier for me not to feel "shut out" like you do and easier for your partner not to want to discuss it
as (I'm guessing) we're both men.
If the genders or orientations are different then this won't apply.
My Oh has mixed dementia...a combination of vascular and Alzeihmers. He's been diagnosed for 2 years but showed symptoms for at least another 2 years before that. He never talks about it. Mainly I think because he can't remember he's got it.
Last year he had an operation for colon cancer.....can't remember anything about it.
So for me there's really no point in talking about any of his medical problems as he's completely unaware that there's anything wrong at all. But then we really don't have conversations about anything as he struggles to process and understand what you're saying.
My husband has dementia and my son has spoken to him about it and he thinks it like just old age to an extent he now can't drive
One or two other activities he doesn't do now and I have been really stressed
Talking to him sometimes I think he finds it very hard to explain Things to me I see it as logic and understanding of things is not there like it was
I have been finding things really stressful I was told it like a bereavement and I believe it is I think I now at another stage with it and talking to people a dear friend said to me you have to not think about what he could do just live day to day it is something we all say but for some reason this made sense
Please if you have a friend to talk to and cry if you have to I found that has been a lifeline for me good luck