Hi everyone 👋🏻

[Paul Morier]

I'd just like to say hi to everyone, my mum has been in a care home for the past 6 years now with dementia and even though I was her sole carer for almost 6 years before I had to get help from carer's to help her get ready and showered and ready in the morning and then changed in the evening, I still haven't really accepted or admitted to myself how mum's illness has affected both of us 😞 I am starting to find it harder to visit, although I still do it and always will as long as she is with us 💖 I know that I will be shattered both mentally and emotionally when I finally face the truth and admit that I have to deal with these feelings that I have just bottled up and put aside because I was obviously dealing with caring for mum. I don't want to worry my partner or son if I break down, which I feel like more and more as I leave mum behind after a visit, I see the person who was such a selfless, vibrant and outgoing warm loving person who was my mum, now reduced to the point she can no longer eat solid foods 😢💔 but as long as she is with us I will continue to treat her as just my mum, she may not be able to respond or even remember who I am 😢 but I like to believe that she has some moment's of clarity as she will sometimes be looking at me and suddenly her eyes will change as if in recognition and it may only last a moment 😔 I like to believe that maybe the neurons in her brain found a brief bridge in her memory and she did recognise me for that brief instant and she knows that I am still there for her 💗

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi Paul and welcome to Dementia Support Forum. We are a friendly community of members who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your mum. My wife has been in a care home for 5 years now so I do understand what it is like visiting when someone seems unresponsive. Sometimes when I visit my wife is either asleep or just keeps her eyes closed. At other times she will respond to touch or the sound of my voice. Whether she recognises me I can't say but she seems comfortable in my presence. Occasionally she will smile or make a familiar gesture that reminds me that the person I have loved for 43 years is still there, despite dementia. That's about the best that I could wish for.

This is a great place to share with people who truly understand and I hope that we can help you when you need it.