Helping my Mum help my Dad

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sally P, May 6, 2018.

  1. Sally P

    Sally P New member

    May 6, 2018
    6
    Hi, my dad has alzheimers at 77, he is otherwise relatively fit but is very dependent on my Mum who is his main carer, my Mum has arthritis and finds the caring and dependency exhausting. My brother and sister and I do not have the same experience and are not sure how to repsond, for instance recently my Dad has been walking in the night and doing random things 'i need to get the balls out from under the bed' i think it would help my Mum if she could chat to others about these experiences .... I guess i am kind of testing this chat page out for her and hoping to show some responses .... hope that's ok though i'm not sure how anyone will respond to this post ...thanks
     
  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,399
    Female
    England
    Hi Sally and welcome to Talking Point.

    Your Mother will find lots of help and support from the forum and she can post anywhere to get that help and support. I suggest you post her questions in the part of the forum, β€˜ I care for a person with dementia. The post will be seen by far more members there than in the chat part of the forum which is really for members to talk about anything, not necessarily dementia.

    Look forward to seeing you posting.
     
  3. Sally P

    Sally P New member

    May 6, 2018
    6
    Great , thanks ... see you there!
     
  4. 4nannyjan6

    4nannyjan6 New member

    May 6, 2018
    4
    Hi this is Jan Sally mum having just registered...not sure what to say just yet
     
  5. scattysue

    scattysue Registered User

    Aug 20, 2015
    65
    Welcome to Talking Point Jan - I'm sure you will find lots of help here - I certainly have.
    Take your time and post questions or comments whenever you feel ready. Have a look around too - I spent quite a bit of time just reading other people's posts and learned lots from them.
     
  6. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,399
    Female
    England
    Hi Jan and welcome to Talking Point.

    There is no rush, take a look around and when you are ready post away.

    No question is a silly one and I am sure that what ever hits you as you care, someone else will have experience of it and can offer help. We are also hear to listen when you want to let off steam. It’s not an easy job being a Carer but at least you will know you are not alone.
     
  7. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,840
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @Janprescott and welcome to Talking Point.
    Im sorry that your husband had dementia - it is a tough road and a steep learning curve.
    There is a wealth of information and support on here and I do hope you find it helpful
     
  8. Malalie

    Malalie Registered User

    Sep 1, 2016
    307
    Female
    Hello Jan,

    Welcome and I'm sorry about your obviously dear husbands diagnosis, but it sounds like you have a most helpful daughter!

    Just post whatever you want to say or ask - there are always people willing to put suggestions forward and give practical advice and moral support. You are never on your own here.

    Wendy xx
     
  9. myss

    myss Registered User

    Jan 14, 2018
    327
    Hi Jan, welcome to TP, you will find this place useful for ideas, advice and definitely empathy as well as sympathy from others in your situation, or was in your situation, or know of the situation.

    I only joined here this year (I think as the time has gone by so quickly!). My dad has dementia and, up to 3-4 years ago, my mum was his main carer. I thought she was handling things well, especially as the dementia symptoms were not so strong then as they are now. With hindsight now, I think she was handling the repeating herself and reminding him many times but not all the other stuff like being needlessly tearful over small things, strange requests, etc.

    My dad's symptoms now include wandering too, mostly at night. Thankfully most of the time the cold air has 'woken' him where he realises that he shouldn't be outside, goes to a neighbour who then calls one of his kids. We've also have taken other steps which seems to work in but these are personal to him as it was at his request and may not be relevant to you. I suggest you do a search on this topic, there are a few of us who have been through this!

    I wish my mum took the step to seek further assistance from her children, carers or websites like this. She was one very much into handling personal matters like this herself, not that she didn't want to admit she needed help, I think she didn't want to 'bother' anyone as her kids live elsewhere, work, own family, etc but we wouldn't have minded, and it is definitely not a failure to have to call for external assistance either. Enjoy TP! :)
     
  10. Sally P

    Sally P New member

    May 6, 2018
    6
    Thanks for the warm welcome for my Mum everybody, I'm really hoping (and feel cautiously confident) this community will help :)
     
  11. Juliasdementiablog

    Juliasdementiablog Registered User

    Oct 23, 2017
    80
    Female
    Brighton
    Hi Sally and Jan Can I suggest you see if there is an Admiral Nurse in your area. They are great and can support carers who are supporting someone living with dementia. Another great resource are the dementia helplines. When I first started caring for my mum I found both extremely helpful. Both can be found here https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/
    Good luck. Best, Julia
     

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