Can someone please give me some advice?? Feel like I'm at my wits end and wondering where to turn for help. My Mum's 88. She's been living on her own since we lost Dad just over 5 years ago. We knew Mum had started to have memory problems, but Dad didn't let on how bad. Mum was diagnosed with dementia around 4 years ago and during this time we had our 'family plan' set up, eventually involving the help of home care and Dementia Care Trust. About 6 months ago, Mums behaviour pattern changed and it was obvious she wasn't going to bed, either sleeping in her armchair, or staying up 'busying' herself with moving kitchen items into the bedroom. When I slept over I also noticed she would get up in the night wanting to use the loo, but would go in the corner of her room, rather than find the bathroom. I knew things wouldn't get better, but we were getting by. 6 weeks ago Mum 'wandered' for the first time. Thankfully she came to no harm, but it was a shock and it panicked us. My sister (who lives close by to her) immediately said she wanted Mum to go in a home to be safe. I wanted to know the avenues we could take before this final step and suggested we get some advice..... Mum has been in a home for 5 weeks now. This is a place where my sister was 'recommended'. I didn't get an opportunity to look at the place before Mum went in. It was all done and dusted before I knew it. I held a family meeting the week-end before Mum went in, hoping to air my views, but they'd made their minds up and said it was on a months trial anyway, so I could look around other homes if I wanted. My daughter who lives 200 miles away, went on the web and downloaded care home reports for me to look at. I work full time, so I took a day's holiday and visited care homes local to me. One was full and had a long waiting list, others were not 'keypadded'. Mum has an attic room in this care home. There's a smell everytime I go in there. She has a commode, although she's not aware of its use, and the carpet's been taken up. There are 30 dementia residents in all, and 3-4 staff on duty when I've visited. I can only make one visit a week during the weekend and everytime I've been there, I accompany Mum to the loo and find she's not clean, so I tidy her and take her underwear home to wash. I told my sister of this, who advised the manager and was on to this. The staff seem really nice, but due to the ratio of staff and residents, I know they can't always make sure Mum's personal care needs are met. I'm sorry to go on, but my brother's rang me tonight. Mum's house is up for sale tomorrow, the rubbish from her house is being taken to the tip on Thursday, Oh, Mum was upset for the first time today - she didn't want to pack her bags, and Mum's wrist was swollen so my sister took her to the hospital for an x-ray and she has a hairline fracture! I was told of this news in that order. I told my brother how I felt about the way things had been done, so hurriedly. I told him of my concerns for Mum and we had words. He put the phone down on me. I feel it's them against me and I'm at my wits end wondering what to do. I have looked at another care home last week. I told my sister to take a look - she's reported it's like solitary confinement (there are 12 dementia residents, everything on ground floor) - not as busy as the one Mum's in. What can I do?? I find it hard to sleep at night thinking of Mum in that small bedroom at the top of the house, let alone her led there tonight with a cast on her wrist. The first broken bone she's ever had!