1. Fed Up

    Fed Up Registered User

    Aug 4, 2012
    I sympathise but isn't it really a case of facing reality if he plays with the tv the bottom line is its dangerous. So he doesn't want to go into a home, neither did my mum but it was not the horrible workhouse vision she had but a nice warm friendly place she now loves. Unpopular as this may be look at a respite package for him, and see if he will enjoy a break and go from there.
    My belief is that a lot of elderly people are lonely because we imprison them in there flats houses etc because they say that is where they want to be despite seeing no one for days on end except the Tesco delivery van or meals on wheels and that is another thing does he fiddle with the cooker?
    I'd do what you know he may need to have done he can't live with you and soon won't be ab;e to live alone. But do you claim attendance allowance for him because this could and should pay for him to get help in his day to day living. If you don't, you should it will help in paying for help for him at the time he needs it or provide somebody nearby to pop over and check on him. He might just be lonely and playing with the tv for attention a befriending service might help as well. Good luck and hope he doesn't get a porn channel by mistake instead of the BBC as well as a german one.
  2. pippop1

    pippop1 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2013


    Not sure about meditation classes but someone I know who looks after her MIL says when things get stressful she tries to regard it all as a very interesting experiment and is then learning about how the person's brain works. In other words she tries to detach herself from the situation and become an observer.
  3. 1954

    1954 Registered User

    Jan 3, 2013
    I have always said since having MIL why on earth are we not given more information at diagnosis appointment??? I was only told that I would never ever get any help which has actually been a lie because I do get help. Why can't the diagnostic team have a folder with information in like this forum information. Why are we not warned with what could happen?? Why can't the GP surgeries have packs for dementia carer's to have. I really don't understand it. I for one would love a job to do that for others, as this is a guessing game and lots of things come as a shock and until one find this forum you also feel you are alone and isolated

    Rant over...........
  4. Pottingshed50

    Pottingshed50 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2012
    Having read all of the previous posts I now realise that our Mum wasn't so odd as we had thought and that this behaviour is just part of AD. She is now in a Care Home and has been for about 18 months now but prior to going in there she would regularly , unplug TV, Freezer, etc and far from unplugging in this instance , she managed to plug in the microwave and blow it up. I always said one day we will laugh at all this, but it is still very raw but we do have a chuckle now and then. When she started to 'throw things on the fire' in the lounge, which unfortunately was not an open fire but a gas fire, it was then we started to look round for her to be safe somewhere.

    Now that she is in the Care home and happy we realise it was a wise decision.
  5. Nick99

    Nick99 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    I think we're on the same page 1954, I have often thought that there was no clear advice given once a diagnosis has been made. I wasn't prepared for how bad it was going to get and how tough it would be. But reading some of the posts on TP I know there are many people in a far worse situation.
    FIL was in the masons and they have someone who visits sick or elderly members, FIL saw him off after one visit. He point blank refuses befrienders and I can understand why, its hard holding a conversation when you cannot remember 30 seconds ago. He claims AA and it pays for his meals on wheels , his weekly shopper and the carer for teatime. He simply won't accept any other help except from us.
    We have taken him around a care home and he was like a sulky child, very rude and embarrassing. We have suggested respite care in all sorts of different ways but he only wants to come and live with us. There is no way that is going to happen, tried it for a couple of months and we nearly committed suicide.

    There was a kindly neighbour he took him under her wing for about six months, popping in every day, helping in all sorts of ways. But like everyone else she could not put up with his rudeness, lack of understanding, constant repetition and forgetfulness.

    I know it's the illness but I sometimes think people revert back to their basic and underlying character and his was always stubborn and controlling and he always wanted his own way. Yes, I've lost patience with him today and am not feeling very charitable.
  6. Fed Up

    Fed Up Registered User

    Aug 4, 2012
    Nick you are not alone my mum well I was just not charitable but could easily have ended up in Holloway Prison for mum slaughter. Its no joke the moaning, repetition, bad temper, rudenesss, accusations cleaning cooking, washing etc is enough to drive a saint into desperate measures.
    At some point, you have to look at the reality he is not looking after himself he is in effect being fed but has little other stimulation which will distract him from tormenting you and your family.
    Others may disagree but I'd say ignore the protests and get him into a good care home if you can he is putting himself in danger after all. Then do visit and be strong he is not going to get his own way and stop feeling guilty. Guilt will make you ill and it is a sad situation but one many of us have learnt from.
  7. carpe diem

    carpe diem Registered User

    Nov 16, 2011
    Hi Nikky99
    Its a really interesting thread and has brought up some good replies.
    I also live 200 miles away from my mum and I can understand how difficult it is.
    My mum has carers everyday and if I asked them to plug in the TV ariel I know they would do it, maybe you need to get a new agency.
    There is always going to be risks when someone with dementia lives alone at home and after seeing how my mum deteriorated when she spent a week in hospital I have come to the conclusion that the benifits to living in a familiar home outwiegh the risks.
    My mum has totally different difficulties but is always throwing things on her gas fire and skips meals (not good for a diabetic). But she never phones me I don't think she can remember how. I'm sorry I don't have any solutions but I do hope you can get better home care and wish you luck.

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