Help needed please
- Thread starter Pipeth
- Start date
Yes you're right. Love dogs too but not practical at moment due to being out at work. Mum had 2 budgies which I now have as she is in a care home. I'm glad your husband loves the cat. Pets are a great comfort.
I hope things work themelves out regarding moving house & that your husbands anxiety can be alleviated.
It will come out in the wash, my mum always said. Animals have always been loved by hubby, persuaded him to get an again last year, we left one behind at our last home. He was depressed and it lifted his spirits as soon as the initial setting up was done. It is difficult working and having a dog, something we avoided doing, now we are retired our cat would be most put out with a dog or even another cat, she is totally spoiled. Thank you for the chat.
That is supposed to an AVIARY I persuaded him to get, I think its time to get some sleep!
Morning all!
I always liked driving, but now it’s a necessary chore. There are times I can’t feel my feet properly, not good when driving! Bring on the driverless cars! For OH, driving was a means to an end. On the other hand, when the DVLA stopped his driving ( he had mixed dementia, Alzheimer’s and vascular) he went for assessments, then I wasn’t allowed to sell his pick up, he just loved that vehicle. If it wasn’t for a friend of a friend that bought it, I’m sure it would have been on the drive until he went into a care home.
Also I love maps. Always have, still do. I didn’t do geography A level, but I’ve used geog a lot in my jobs and hobbies, especially the last job. Now retired, btw.
I’m a dog person. Our last one died not long after OH diagnosed, in 2008. Never had another one, dementia and arthritis got in the way. I quite like cars, so long as they are somebody else’s, and not chasing my (wild) birds!
Pipeth, hope you had a better night than you anticipated!
I always liked driving, but now it’s a necessary chore. There are times I can’t feel my feet properly, not good when driving! Bring on the driverless cars! For OH, driving was a means to an end. On the other hand, when the DVLA stopped his driving ( he had mixed dementia, Alzheimer’s and vascular) he went for assessments, then I wasn’t allowed to sell his pick up, he just loved that vehicle. If it wasn’t for a friend of a friend that bought it, I’m sure it would have been on the drive until he went into a care home.
Also I love maps. Always have, still do. I didn’t do geography A level, but I’ve used geog a lot in my jobs and hobbies, especially the last job. Now retired, btw.
I’m a dog person. Our last one died not long after OH diagnosed, in 2008. Never had another one, dementia and arthritis got in the way. I quite like cars, so long as they are somebody else’s, and not chasing my (wild) birds!
Pipeth, hope you had a better night than you anticipated!
Hi Pipeth
Got home from hospital at 1.15. Surgery seemed to go fine. The local anaesthetic has worked well and not worn off yet, I guess when it does it will be pretty uncomfortable. They've given me paracetamol and ibuprofen to take. The thumb is working well and I have to keep it moving. Time will tell whether the cortisone injection into the other joint is successful. Thanks for your interest.
We have a cat. We'd had them before but after the second one died we decided against another as we were travelling a lot. When I say we, they were all my husbands cats really, I'm not a huge fan. I decided to suggest he had another against my previous wishes when he seemed depressed after hip surgery. This one is a rescue cat and has definitely become the most important thing in his life. He is much more concerned about her than he is about me. She is the only one he will jump up from his chair for. He will open the door or window for her even though she has her own door and he panders to her every need. The only regret is that she is not a lap cat!
Since I got home he took a phone call from the GP surgery. They wanted to book a blood test for him that it seems the doctor had requested. He didn't know what it was for and didn't ask! I don't think that's normal, certainly not what would have been normal for him in the past. I'll find out what its for when I see the form. Very strange.
Hope you've had a better day.
Got home from hospital at 1.15. Surgery seemed to go fine. The local anaesthetic has worked well and not worn off yet, I guess when it does it will be pretty uncomfortable. They've given me paracetamol and ibuprofen to take. The thumb is working well and I have to keep it moving. Time will tell whether the cortisone injection into the other joint is successful. Thanks for your interest.
We have a cat. We'd had them before but after the second one died we decided against another as we were travelling a lot. When I say we, they were all my husbands cats really, I'm not a huge fan. I decided to suggest he had another against my previous wishes when he seemed depressed after hip surgery. This one is a rescue cat and has definitely become the most important thing in his life. He is much more concerned about her than he is about me. She is the only one he will jump up from his chair for. He will open the door or window for her even though she has her own door and he panders to her every need. The only regret is that she is not a lap cat!
Since I got home he took a phone call from the GP surgery. They wanted to book a blood test for him that it seems the doctor had requested. He didn't know what it was for and didn't ask! I don't think that's normal, certainly not what would have been normal for him in the past. I'll find out what its for when I see the form. Very strange.
Hope you've had a better day.
Hello Spamar, I have never driven so have always relied on public transport when travelling alone. I enjoyed trains (as long as I had a seat). It must be hard to give up a car when your a driver, I used geography in my job, as a tutor at an environmental center. Night before last was better than I expected, but I couldn't sleep last night and was on here just reading and searching various things, it rattles my husband when I am on my laptop, keeps saying he doesn't know how to do things on his and I need to show him, which I have done time and time again. Bungalow saga over I think, I didn't mention it yesterday, husband said at about 2pm, "We must go and collect your keys from those people", (he hasn't used Estate Agent once) I just said "Yes", I'm learning. Our cat has never paid attention to wild birds, I think it might be because she has lived with am aviary since a kitten. Take Care
Yorkie 46, happy for you that the op seems to have gone well, hope it's okay today. I am surprised that you are moving it around, I imagined it would be strapped up. Yesterday went well, as I have said above to Spamar, bungalow saga seems to be over. I couldn't sleep last night though and was not feeling up to writing on here, so hence replying to you today. At least your husband answers the phone, I always have to stop what I am doing and dash for the phone even if he is sitting right alongside it, he sometimes come out to the garden to tell me the phones ringing
We tend to get blood test to check on cholesterol levels regularly. We have had our cat for twelve years and she is lovely, almost human. Loves to be where we are, watches TV, 'talks' back to us and loves being on a lap. We will both miss here, my husband though is always asking how long do cats live because he doesn't want to loose her. he wants to go first! Take care of that hand.
I Know just how you feel .I had this yes we will /no we won't move problem.Our doctor advised against it because of the anxiety caused.on balance it is less stress to stay put.In 3 months time he may have forgotten.Look after yourself and do what feels best for YOU.
Hi,
Hopefully your OH will forget all about it! Sometimes a poor memory is a good thing! (Tongue in cheek, of course). I think my OH answered the phone twice in the 8 years after diagnosis. And he didn’t switch the phone off or out it back on either. Neither did he pass on the messages.
Would you believe, I’m (was) an ecologist! Couple of grasses on salt marshes are my real love. Though I did quite a lot of courses for UEA extra mural. As I live here, I concentrated on coasts, the Brecks, the Broads. Bit of geology as well. If it was more than a bit, I know our local expert! Coasts here are some saltmarsh, some shingle. The rest are sand cliffs, which fall down with monotonous regularity! Unfortunately someone got killed last year, walking too close to the cliff.
I used to love trains as well, in my younger days. Platforms now a problem! Too long ( for me).
Keep smiling!
Hopefully your OH will forget all about it! Sometimes a poor memory is a good thing! (Tongue in cheek, of course). I think my OH answered the phone twice in the 8 years after diagnosis. And he didn’t switch the phone off or out it back on either. Neither did he pass on the messages.
Would you believe, I’m (was) an ecologist! Couple of grasses on salt marshes are my real love. Though I did quite a lot of courses for UEA extra mural. As I live here, I concentrated on coasts, the Brecks, the Broads. Bit of geology as well. If it was more than a bit, I know our local expert! Coasts here are some saltmarsh, some shingle. The rest are sand cliffs, which fall down with monotonous regularity! Unfortunately someone got killed last year, walking too close to the cliff.
I used to love trains as well, in my younger days. Platforms now a problem! Too long ( for me).
Keep smiling!
Hi Pipeth
Yes my hand is pretty bandaged up but thumb and fingers are free and I was told to keep them moving. I've been pleasantly surprised that it hasn't been too painful. I can remove some of the big bandaging and padding myself in a week. So far things haven't been too stressful for my husband. He's never been much good in the kitchen and even worse now with his memory problems. He panics about it so I have to have plans in place for occasions such as this when I can't cook. Today we had a meal from a local delivery service that we haven't used before. They deliver a hot plated meal and bring it to your table. It was very good, roast chicken with roast potatoes and three veg. We're having two meals from them this week.
This morning he was in a panic again about feeling there wasn't enough oxygen in the room. He is like this every morning at the moment. Keeps going outside to get some air. I said he would have to see the doctor about it or speak to him on the phone whichever he preferred. He started to get upset and said don't leave it up to me to make the decision! I just said there was no need to get upset about it. Later I asked if he wanted me to make the appointment, he said its probably best but tell them I'm having g breathing difficulties. I said if its that bad do you want to see someone today but it won't be your doctor. He didn't so I phoned and had to make a phone appointment for tomorrow afternoon. At 4.30 this afternoon he asked if we'd made an appointment! When I said yes he said he was going to tell the doctor the sleeping tablets he gave him don't work! I said you're supposed to be speaking to him about you're breathing. He said yes I will but I think its just that I don't breath deeply enough. I really wonder what the doctor thinks sometimes. I hope I hear some of the conversation.
After lunch someone at the surgery phoned to speak to him again. She asked when his hospital appointment is. I was telling him to ask what appointment but he didn't. Turned out there had been crossed wires and she didn't realise he had a blood test appointment. I asked him what hospital appointment it was but he didn't know, thought eye appointment. I said it won't be that because it's nothing to do with the doctor. I phoned the surgery back and as I thought it is for the memory clinic appointment. I asked if we need to collect the form before the day of the appointment as he'd told me but she said no collect it when you arrive. So many things he gets mixed up and confused about. I explained it all and after half an hour he asked me if we have to collect the blood test form in advance!!! Boy does this memory issue make me frustrated.
It's OK that he answers the phone but sometimes it would be better if he didn't because things take a lot of unravelling. I also find it a bit embarrassing to have to phone people back to explain.
Have to get some sleep now, he slept most of the afternoon!
Pleased you're feeling things are calmer regarding the issue of moving house. I really feel keeping things as calm and routine seems the best way forward but it isn't always easy. Regarding the cat he is constantly trying to get her to sit with him but she won't and she's not a cat who tolerates being picked up. Unfortunately she probably wasn't the best choice for him, I think he hoped he could win her round but it's not happening. Still, he loves her and wouldn't part with her. Like your husband he wants to outlive her.
Good night, hope you sleep better!
Yes my hand is pretty bandaged up but thumb and fingers are free and I was told to keep them moving. I've been pleasantly surprised that it hasn't been too painful. I can remove some of the big bandaging and padding myself in a week. So far things haven't been too stressful for my husband. He's never been much good in the kitchen and even worse now with his memory problems. He panics about it so I have to have plans in place for occasions such as this when I can't cook. Today we had a meal from a local delivery service that we haven't used before. They deliver a hot plated meal and bring it to your table. It was very good, roast chicken with roast potatoes and three veg. We're having two meals from them this week.
This morning he was in a panic again about feeling there wasn't enough oxygen in the room. He is like this every morning at the moment. Keeps going outside to get some air. I said he would have to see the doctor about it or speak to him on the phone whichever he preferred. He started to get upset and said don't leave it up to me to make the decision! I just said there was no need to get upset about it. Later I asked if he wanted me to make the appointment, he said its probably best but tell them I'm having g breathing difficulties. I said if its that bad do you want to see someone today but it won't be your doctor. He didn't so I phoned and had to make a phone appointment for tomorrow afternoon. At 4.30 this afternoon he asked if we'd made an appointment! When I said yes he said he was going to tell the doctor the sleeping tablets he gave him don't work! I said you're supposed to be speaking to him about you're breathing. He said yes I will but I think its just that I don't breath deeply enough. I really wonder what the doctor thinks sometimes. I hope I hear some of the conversation.
After lunch someone at the surgery phoned to speak to him again. She asked when his hospital appointment is. I was telling him to ask what appointment but he didn't. Turned out there had been crossed wires and she didn't realise he had a blood test appointment. I asked him what hospital appointment it was but he didn't know, thought eye appointment. I said it won't be that because it's nothing to do with the doctor. I phoned the surgery back and as I thought it is for the memory clinic appointment. I asked if we need to collect the form before the day of the appointment as he'd told me but she said no collect it when you arrive. So many things he gets mixed up and confused about. I explained it all and after half an hour he asked me if we have to collect the blood test form in advance!!! Boy does this memory issue make me frustrated.
It's OK that he answers the phone but sometimes it would be better if he didn't because things take a lot of unravelling. I also find it a bit embarrassing to have to phone people back to explain.
Have to get some sleep now, he slept most of the afternoon!
Pleased you're feeling things are calmer regarding the issue of moving house. I really feel keeping things as calm and routine seems the best way forward but it isn't always easy. Regarding the cat he is constantly trying to get her to sit with him but she won't and she's not a cat who tolerates being picked up. Unfortunately she probably wasn't the best choice for him, I think he hoped he could win her round but it's not happening. Still, he loves her and wouldn't part with her. Like your husband he wants to outlive her.
Good night, hope you sleep better!
Hello ianrut, decision has been made, we are staying put. It is not worth the anxiety it caused and the anxiety that would have followed settling down again. Thanks to all the advice from the experienced people on here I was guided to take control and put a stop to our dilemma sooner rather than later. I feel much stronger now. Thank you for your reply, take care.
Wow! I was based in Lincolnshire we used the Wolds and Salt Marshes to take children on field trips. I was thrown in the deep end with the geography and ecology, we used crossed curricular activities to inspire the use of the outdoors. Loved it and miss it! I ended up doing a food technology course and we grew our own vegetables, the schools came on residential visits and I ran gardening groups for children with learning difficulties and disabilities... Getting nostalgic now. Better day for us today, much more relaxed, hubby mentioned moving before he went to bed, by saying have we done the right thing, I said YES! Enjoying our chats
Hello Yorkie, well you have made me feel lucky that my hubby doesn't answer the phone. It was difficult watching the looks on the estate agents faces when he was confused. So pleased your hand hasn't given you to much discomfort, it sound successful so far. My hubby would not be able to cook a sausage! It has never been his forte, but he has always washed up. He has been getting breathless more lately, but we are waiting for a cardiac result, he has a slightly dilated aorta being monitored. We have had a good day today, much more relaxed, looking forward to getting out in the garden now spring is here, need to get sowing seeds for the allotment. As I said to Spamar it so good chatting on here. Hope your next meal is tasty and all goes well for you. Take Care
Finally got through to MRI dept. at the hospital, results have been available since Nov.27th online. I can only think that we are now waiting for memory clinic appointment
Good that the MRI report is available but it's unfortunately typical that nobody could tell you that before now. It seems t be an awfully long wait for a memory clinic appointment. I would be inclined to chase that up now that you know about the MRI. I know its sometimes difficult but I always feel better if I'm being pro active.
My husband received his appointment yesterday. He told me that he should have someone who knows him well with him. I said that I always go with him. He thought he'd only been once before and wouldn't believe he'd been three times until I showed him the paperwork. Even then he said he could only remember two of them.
He's been having some breathing issues in the mornings so I said he'd better either see the doctor or speak to him on the phone, he started to get upset and told me not to leave the decision to him! I made arrangements for a phone call yesterday. By the time the doctor phoned at 7pm he had decided that his breathing was OK and he wanted to tell him that the sleeping tablets he was given weren't working! After some discussions the doctor told him to try taking two tablets. He did that last night and this morning told me he slept too well, no pleasing some people! He still managed t sleep for half an hour this morning.
Yesterday he managed to burn one of my saucepans. After struggling to drain the peas it seems he hadn't completely turned the gas burner off and had put the dry pan back on it. He was washing it and I haven't looked at it yet!
This morning he managed to fall in the house. Its something I've been worried might happen. He was opening a door for the cat and he says he caught his foot on a chair but I didn't actually see whether it was that or the cat. He fell on the floor against the door. His walking has become much worse recently which is a worry.
He's just asked me what we're having for lunch. I reminded him that we have a meal deliver today, he had clearly forgotten but he said yes but I can't remember what we're having. I only told him half an hour ago!!!
Not the best day so far.
Good luck with chasing your appointment Pipeth.
My husband received his appointment yesterday. He told me that he should have someone who knows him well with him. I said that I always go with him. He thought he'd only been once before and wouldn't believe he'd been three times until I showed him the paperwork. Even then he said he could only remember two of them.
He's been having some breathing issues in the mornings so I said he'd better either see the doctor or speak to him on the phone, he started to get upset and told me not to leave the decision to him! I made arrangements for a phone call yesterday. By the time the doctor phoned at 7pm he had decided that his breathing was OK and he wanted to tell him that the sleeping tablets he was given weren't working! After some discussions the doctor told him to try taking two tablets. He did that last night and this morning told me he slept too well, no pleasing some people! He still managed t sleep for half an hour this morning.
Yesterday he managed to burn one of my saucepans. After struggling to drain the peas it seems he hadn't completely turned the gas burner off and had put the dry pan back on it. He was washing it and I haven't looked at it yet!
This morning he managed to fall in the house. Its something I've been worried might happen. He was opening a door for the cat and he says he caught his foot on a chair but I didn't actually see whether it was that or the cat. He fell on the floor against the door. His walking has become much worse recently which is a worry.
He's just asked me what we're having for lunch. I reminded him that we have a meal deliver today, he had clearly forgotten but he said yes but I can't remember what we're having. I only told him half an hour ago!!!
Not the best day so far.
Good luck with chasing your appointment Pipeth.
Hi pipeth and yorkie, OH used to be a good cook, but the skills were gradually lost. That’s the name of the game, unfortunately.
His experiences with fire - we had friends to dinners and he couldnt find anywhere to hang his wooden walking stick. Eventually he put it across the kitchen island unit. Five minutes later, one of the guests said, there’s a fire! I turned around and there was his stick, lying across the gas hob ( where I’d forgotten to turn off one of the rings!) gaily shooting flames! I put it under the tap, then took it outside and hung it in a full water butt!
After that, he loved that stick and ignored my suggestions that he get a new one. Eventually, he was at daycare one day and an OT came in, saw his stick, shrieked with horror and took it away before replacing it with a new one!
When we had builders working, I said that all directions would be from me, as OH had a poor memory and wouldn’t necessarily remember any decision we had made. So when I queried an action, they said, but your husband said.... I should of asked them if they also had dementia!
Grrrrr
When OH was being diagnosed, 10/11 years ago, it took at least 6 months, and there was only an MRI scanner at the county hospital. Obviously things have got even worse!
Hope appt goes well and everybody has a good day!
His experiences with fire - we had friends to dinners and he couldnt find anywhere to hang his wooden walking stick. Eventually he put it across the kitchen island unit. Five minutes later, one of the guests said, there’s a fire! I turned around and there was his stick, lying across the gas hob ( where I’d forgotten to turn off one of the rings!) gaily shooting flames! I put it under the tap, then took it outside and hung it in a full water butt!
After that, he loved that stick and ignored my suggestions that he get a new one. Eventually, he was at daycare one day and an OT came in, saw his stick, shrieked with horror and took it away before replacing it with a new one!
When we had builders working, I said that all directions would be from me, as OH had a poor memory and wouldn’t necessarily remember any decision we had made. So when I queried an action, they said, but your husband said.... I should of asked them if they also had dementia!
Grrrrr
When OH was being diagnosed, 10/11 years ago, it took at least 6 months, and there was only an MRI scanner at the county hospital. Obviously things have got even worse!
Hope appt goes well and everybody has a good day!
Hi Spamar and Yorkie, Not having a good day today, feeling down myself. All day yesterday my hubby having a go at me about moving, he wants to move, I didn't tell him I was phoning those people, He liked the other place... on a loop all day. Eventually I'm afraid I lost it and told him as it is, that he has a MCI and we had to stay here because he won't cope. He said there was nothing wrong with him. I said we are waiting for memory clinic appointment and the MRI results were back. He says what MRI, and I'm not seeing those people again, didn't want them here last time (2016). He went very quiet after that and I felt awful for losing my patience.
I am thinking that the memory clinic might be waiting for six months to pass so they can do another assessment, because the last one has been 'lost', I'm guessing they are going to need something to measure against. This morning nothing from hubby. He has been in the garden painting some tree stakes and playing with the cat. Lunch time said that I looked tired and should look after myself, bless him.
Sorry Spamar but I must confess I giggled at your walking stick story an smiled at the builder's remark, though it probably wasn't funny for you, thank you humor does help. Yorkie it certainly is difficult to please some people, I am going to try and lighten up for the rest of the day. Hope the day is going well for you both. XX
I am thinking that the memory clinic might be waiting for six months to pass so they can do another assessment, because the last one has been 'lost', I'm guessing they are going to need something to measure against. This morning nothing from hubby. He has been in the garden painting some tree stakes and playing with the cat. Lunch time said that I looked tired and should look after myself, bless him.
Sorry Spamar but I must confess I giggled at your walking stick story an smiled at the builder's remark, though it probably wasn't funny for you, thank you humor does help. Yorkie it certainly is difficult to please some people, I am going to try and lighten up for the rest of the day. Hope the day is going well for you both. XX
Another stressful day, hope yours was better Pipeth.
He can't seem to retain things for very long at the moment. I'm sure as my daughter says that everything is magnified because I can't drive to get out anywhere at the moment. He's slept again this afternoon for a couple of hours and has gone to bed tonight with one and a half sleeping tablets! He asked me earlier if the doctor is phoning at the end of the week, don't think he realises that's tomorrow. I said well that's what you told me. He now wants me to phone the surgery tomorrow morning to check!
He had a phone call this morning from another NHS department who's time he's wasted regarding a back problem. Now told them he doesn't want to see anyone for a surgical opinion because he doesn't want surgery and is managing with painkiller tablets, I had to tell him to say he now also has patches but he thinks these are just for his arthritis!! I'm going to have to try to not let the doctor keep referring him to other departments because its a waste of everyone's time. Bad enough he wastes the doctor's time.
I've been thinking that I might decide to write a list of the areas where he has difficulty with some examples, but not too much, so that I can take it to the memory clinic. I haven't had much luck with this sort of thing in the past but as we're seeing someone different might be worth a try. I just find it so difficult to say things he does or doesn't do in front of him, it feels like betrayal. On the other hand if there's something wrong and a possibility of something to help I'd like him to have it. Without me he won't.
I'm pretty exhausted with today and feeling quite low so I'll say goodnight and try to get some rest if not sleep.
Hope you're day improved. It's important for us all to have some light relief, I had a vision of a fire scarred walking stick being snatched by an OT! Priceless.
He can't seem to retain things for very long at the moment. I'm sure as my daughter says that everything is magnified because I can't drive to get out anywhere at the moment. He's slept again this afternoon for a couple of hours and has gone to bed tonight with one and a half sleeping tablets! He asked me earlier if the doctor is phoning at the end of the week, don't think he realises that's tomorrow. I said well that's what you told me. He now wants me to phone the surgery tomorrow morning to check!
He had a phone call this morning from another NHS department who's time he's wasted regarding a back problem. Now told them he doesn't want to see anyone for a surgical opinion because he doesn't want surgery and is managing with painkiller tablets, I had to tell him to say he now also has patches but he thinks these are just for his arthritis!! I'm going to have to try to not let the doctor keep referring him to other departments because its a waste of everyone's time. Bad enough he wastes the doctor's time.
I've been thinking that I might decide to write a list of the areas where he has difficulty with some examples, but not too much, so that I can take it to the memory clinic. I haven't had much luck with this sort of thing in the past but as we're seeing someone different might be worth a try. I just find it so difficult to say things he does or doesn't do in front of him, it feels like betrayal. On the other hand if there's something wrong and a possibility of something to help I'd like him to have it. Without me he won't.
I'm pretty exhausted with today and feeling quite low so I'll say goodnight and try to get some rest if not sleep.
Hope you're day improved. It's important for us all to have some light relief, I had a vision of a fire scarred walking stick being snatched by an OT! Priceless.
