• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Help me please

Dawn40

Registered User
Mar 16, 2015
3
Hi all, I have been reading a lot of helpful things on here and think everyone is amazing. It's my first time of posting because I have been trying to cope and suddenly feel I cannot cope with my mums dementia any more.
Mum has had dementia for about 4 years now and dad has been her carer with me supporting the both of them.
I live about an hour away and work full time with a family of my own so only get to visit once a week.
I can see mums dementia deteriorating and it's killing me inside. I am a nurse and can see how this will all eventually end, but can't deal with the thoughts and emotions. How do you? I live in Essex and feel I need to talk to someone about it all but don't know where to turn, can anyone help me, please? I don't want to go and just talk to any old counsellor as I need someone who has a clue what I'm talking about.
I feel so alone right now, does anyone have any ideas where I can turn?

Thank you so much

Dawn


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,748
69
Dundee
Hello Dawn and welcome to TP. I'm so sorry to read about your mum and how difficult unit you are finding things. You. Old telephone the Alzheimer Society National Dementia Helpline. I'm sure you would find this useful. The contact is here-

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200365

The phone number is here - 0845 300 0336. You will find their opening times on the website.

The other avenu you might want to try is the Admiral Nurse Service. I'm not sure if there are any in your area but they also have a number you can telephone. Although there are none in Scotland I emailed them and got a lovely supportive reply. Their number and times are in this link -

http://www.dementiauk.org/information-support/admiral-nursing-direct/

I'm sure you will also get lots of help and support here on this forum. Keep posting!
 

Dawn40

Registered User
Mar 16, 2015
3
Thank you so much for your reply, I shall give it a go.
Sometimes when you feel alone, you can't see what is around you, I know I need to lift my head up and start looking, but I just didn't know where to start, you have helped, thank you.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,291
SW London
You can always have a good old rant/offload/let off stem here, Dawn. There will always be others here who know exactly what it's like.
 

Pattywicklow

Registered User
Mar 15, 2015
11
It is very tough, my story is similar. Can't recommend the admiral nurse helpline strongly enough, I've wept down the phone to them, the are kind and understanding and give excellent practical advice, you know they know what you are going through and all the issues of supporting your mum and dad. U can also get into touch with local alzhiemers soc and other groups see if they offer any support, I think fundamentally I just want someone to be able to make it not like this but of course that's impossible. Admiral nurses have just been commissioned for my area, you can check on their website but phone line is compassionate and it does help to unload x good luck x


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
 

janetlynn

Registered User
Jul 22, 2012
107
England
Hi Dawn,

Sorry that you are feeling so low. All I can say is take one day at a time and take care of yourself. I say that because usually people in your line of work are that busy caring for others that they forget to take care of themselves!!!!
You are not alone. We are here for you.

Janet.
 
Last edited:

Risa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2015
482
Essex
I live in Harlow, Essex and I went to the local Memory Cafe for the first time on Monday. Tons of useful info there and very nice people to speak to. Hopefully you should have one in your town as Essex has quite a few :)

My sister and I both work full-time but support my Dad who is carer for Mum (we live in the same street so see them pretty much daily). Think she has had dementia for around 7 years although she was only formerly diagnosed with Mixed Dementia last month. My sister and I both worry tremendously about the future but have found taking practical steps (such as organising POA/on-line banking/AA etc) have made us feel a little bit more in control.

Unfortunately we don't have Admiral nurses in Essex but I second the Alzheimer Helpline as have called them a few times with questions about local facilities/Memory Clinic concerns.

If you look at the thread below, I mentioned the work of the local PCSO and since we are in the same county, your local one may be equally as helpful as I get the impression that promoting dementia awareness is a bit of a hobby horse for the Essex police force :D

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?84957-Escapologist

Lovely people on here to 'chat' to and ask for advice/share your feelings with which helps enormously.
 

jasmineflower

Registered User
Aug 27, 2012
335
Hi
I'm in SE Essex and our local Alzheimer's Society support worker was absolutely brilliant . They are well worth a phone call, plus their local site has lists of clubs and memory cafes etc.

I hope you find someone to help but you can always have a rant here on TP. Lots of virtual hugs available
 

henfenywfach

Registered User
May 23, 2013
332
rct
Hi!

I'm my dad's carer. He lives with my mum but she's disabled.

Our local carers project has arranged free counselling sessions for my mum. I m able to talk to people that listen.
Have you had a carers assessment? And your folks had an assessment?. The social services do it.

There's the national dementia holiness the details are on the alz society website.

It takes a lot of courage for us carers to admit when struggling. You've made the first step..well done..
You don't have to live with them or near them to be carer. Make sure you're known as a carer..

Ring your local all society officer they can offer you support and someone could offer your folks support local.

Best wishes
 

Dawn40

Registered User
Mar 16, 2015
3
Thank you so much everyone, you are all strangers but so willing to help, that means a lot to me.
I shall take everything you have all said and make sure that I make some calls and get some support as you have made me realise I don't have to feel alone, and that in fact, I'm not alone xx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point