Hi – My name is Pauline and this is the first time I have posted. I’m not sure where to start so it might be a bit of a ramble but I just need a listening ear and advice please. I am only child and my 85 year old mother lives in Yorkshire and I live over 200 miles away in NE Hampshire. Mum has dementia (no-one has ever actually said she has Alzheimers) and has been on 4mg Reminyl for around 2½ years. She lives alone in a warden assisted flat and the warden is brilliant, helpful beyond the call of her duty. Mum also has a boyfriend, Les, living in the same flats who is a wonderful help to her. Apart from them she has no help and no contact with any agencies. I spoke to Social Services when she came out of hospital in early December following an emergency operation for a ruptured ulcer but because she is still coping with everyday life they see no need to do an assessment. Until last September I was visiting every few weeks and always going up for hospital appointments etc. Then I was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, had an operation and started chemo. I was told I that 6 chemo sessions should mop up any remaining cancer cells and I would, hopefully, be in remission. Unfortunately, after 5 sessions the cancer has become resistant to one of the drugs and my oncologist is going to use another one. No guarantee that it will be successful. On the advice of various people I have never told Mum I have cancer, although she knows about the operation and that I am having follow up treatment. I even mentioned chemotherapy but it didn’t appear to have any significance. I have visited her twice since my operation, but had not intended going again until after my treatment which should have finished in February. Now that is going on longer than that and with no guarantee of success at the end I am getting in a state about what to do. Should I tell Mum. If so, when and how. How am I going to cope with visiting if I become more ill. What will she do if I die. I have 2 sons, who I know will look after her, but they live in Devon and Bristol. She has a brother who lives reasonably close and who visits her but he has problems of his own. I was hoping to go up next week to take her to her appointment at the memory clinic and was going to ask if her Reminyl dose could be increased but because I’m feeling worried, frightened and anxious about myself I’m not sure if I will cope. Les would take her instead of me but he is a bit deaf and doesn't always hear properly, doesn't like the doctor anyway. Sorry I’ve gone on. I’m tired after another sleepless night. If anyone’s got this far I’d be grateful for any advice.