Help! How do I do this?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Memori, May 28, 2007.

  1. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Mum has got a lot worse lately, she now is not sure whose house she is in, but most of the time she seems ok, I visit every weekend but she lives alone, my time otherwise is spent looking after my housebound daughters children, and she needs me there, but my mother needs me too, I am agrophobic and have problems traveling mum lives an hour away, her neighbours and her doctor have said to me they are worried but she does not want to see the doctor, tomorrow I may have to ring the doctor to see if he will visit but I dont know how she will take this or if she will let him in, and I dont want to upset her by telling her tonight, what should I do I need help bad.
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    First step would be good idea to talk to your mother doctor voicing your concerns , hear what advice he can give and if he would go to your mother house Not sure if they can do that now days .

    But if you don't ask phone voice your concerns your never no, have you spoken to doctor already about your mother ?
     
  3. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Hello Memori, so sorry to hear the worrying news. I'd make that phone call tomorrow to the doctor because someone needs to suss out what is happening to your mum and the GP might be a good person to start the process off. Good that your mum's neighbours are aware of what is happening, to some extent. It sounds as if you may need to get a community care assessment set up and the GP should be able to set that in motion. You really have your hands full by the sounds of things but if you need to go and see see your mum, then somehow your daughter may have to arrange some 'relief' for you. You can't be tied day in day out to your daughter's needs if you feel you should sort things out for your mum. ( I hope that doesn't sound too drastic, but you deserve time-off and things sound a bit urgent. By the way, have you had your own needs assessed, as a carer?) The AS factsheet section and advice team may be able to help you further. Can you get out more happily if you are accompanied? Are you getting any help for your own health problem? I do hope that things work out OK for you, but I wouldn't hesitate in contacting the GP and putting some of the responsibility for your mum's health at the feet of the professionals who should be able to help. Finally, I can't help thinking that you are about to get embroiled in more caring responsibilities whether you like it or not and you need to look after your own health. There is only so much you can do, and it may be that you have to tell someone, whether the GP or your daughter, that the line in the sand has been reached for you. Kind regards Deborah
     
  4. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Thank you for your replies, some days are better than others and make me wonder if I should wait, but I will hear what the doctor says, its just such a long story to tell him.
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    If you could find the time before you rang him could you write it all out on paper your worry about mother , high lighting the key issue , so you can break it down , when your on the phone to him . Just a thought ( so it would not be so long )
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,584
    Kent
    Dear Memori,

    When I couldn`t get my husband to go to the doctors, he did offer to do a home visit and even said he would pretend to be `just passing` so my husband wouldn`t know I`d asked him to call.

    Margarita`s suggestion that you write down your concerns before you phone is a good one. So often we forget important points, because they haven`t been written down.

    Good luck. I hope your doctor is able to help.

    Take care
     
  7. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
  8. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    I would agree with the advice that has already been given, in particular about your daughter arranging other cover for the children. Clearly you need the time to make secure arrangements to keep your mum safe. She must be very frightened if she is not sure where she is living, she may also start to wander, and one day may not find her way home, I dont wish to frighten you, but this is a possibility.

    I agree with Maggie you need to voice all your concerns to the doctor before he/she visits so that he/she has a clear understanding what the problems may be. I am sure if you explain your own situation, the doctor could arrange to call to see mum at home at a time when you could be there with her as support and also to let the doctor in.

    Best wishes
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    wondering if you rang doctor Memori ?
     
  10. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Yes, I rang the Doctor, and was told I could have a home visit, but then the Doctor rang my mothers number, not mine while she was sitting next to me, so it was difficult to say too much, he explained that there were two ways to go, one was for her to go into hospital for tests, then he said that if she could come in to the surgery the tests could be done there, so I said ok as I knew she would not agree to the hospital, when I put the phone down she was very cross and didnt want to go to the surgery, so after a few raised voices I said I would ring and cancel it, but luckly I couldent get a reply, so she said ok we had better go!, I ordered a taxi and went, arriving an hour early by mistake, but didnt have to wait all that time, she had to take a urine sample and have blood tests there, he said that she had an infection which could be causing the problem, but she was unaware of any infection and had no effects from it, anyway she had the blood tests and he asked questions which proved her recent memory loss, she is being refered to a specialist at a local hospital for more tests, and we have to see her Doctor again for the results of the blood tests in a few weeks.
    I am very worried how she will take the results, as she will not admit that anything is wrong, also last night she became very confused again about where she was, it seems to come on in the evening, in the morning she gets everything right, but cannot remember what she said the night before, and refuses to believe she said it.
    The local hospital is doing a trial of the new drug the Doctor said and it would probably be available, of course to this my mother replied oh I'm going to be a guinea pig am I, most of the time she is quite happy, its me thats feeling the stress.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,584
    Kent
    I`m afraid Memori the denial you are experiencing with your mother is so common, and can you blame her.

    As you say, she is usually fine in the mornings, so will believe there is nothing wrong, but when she becomes confused in the evenings, once it passes, she forgets about it completely.

    This is just how my husband is.

    Nearly every morning he tells me his head is clear and he`s never been better.

    Nearly every evening, he has what I call a lapse, which can last an hour or all evening. He becomes quite distressed, and asks me to take him to the doctor for medication.

    He often has a short nap and when he wakes is fine and has forgotten all about it.

    I`m afraid you can only take it as it comes and just do your best to help your mother keep her appointments.

    Take care
     
  12. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    You have made good progress in getting mum to the doctor, well done, I know from personal experience that in itself is a major step.

    You may find that once the infection has cleared your mum maybe a little better, my mum had a UTI at one stage and this caused her more confusion, whilst she felt no ill effects.

    Hope all goes well at the hospital, please let us know how you and your mum are getting on.

    Cate
     

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