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Help getting support in France for dad looking after his wife

Steph21

New member
Jun 28, 2022
3
0
My dad and his wife moved to remote part of France about 15 years ago and for the last couple of years noticed his wife is showing signs of dementia,
Me and his wife do not get along very well at all and most times they visit I see him alone so it was a shock for me to go and meet him on Sunday and his wife be with him, she was all smiles and hugs for me which again was strange as I havent spoken to the woman for 9 years.
Cutting a long story short I now understand all the issues my dad has been explaining to me about her health over on France, I can see how frazzled he is with it all and I'm worrying for his health also,
Trying to get a diagnosis over there is quite difficult for them and also trying to get her to go to the doctors is quite difficult as she remembers certain things like the road being bumpy or a building she doesn't like and physically won't go 🤔
I'm just pleeing for advice on what I can tell him and try to help him get the help he needs
Hes 72 and not a spring chicken anymore 😔 and I worry so much for him
Can anyone help me

Thank you
 

Tricot

Registered User
Jun 20, 2017
148
0
France
Hello Steph21, so sorry you find yourself in this difficult situation. I hope the previous posters will see your post and respond. I just wanted to say the GP (médecin traitant) is the first stop and there are lots of helpful suggestions on this forum on how to get reluctant relatives to a doctor's appointment.

You don't say where in France your parents are but some areas do have Alzheimers groups with English/English speaking helpers. (Although you don't mention language problems so perhaps this isn't an issue). Either way such a group would be able to give your dad lots of helpful information and support.
https://www.francealzheimer.org/association/qui-sommes-nous/contactez-votre-association-locale/

Fill in the number of your parents' département on the first line or its name on the second line then click on valider to find a local group.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,469
0
Yorkshire
Hello @Steph21
A warm welcome to DTP

Might your and your dad write a set of notes of what concerns you about the changes in his wife, then send this to their doctor but say he is going to make an appointment in his name as though to have a check up ... at the appointment your dad and the doctor can draw her in ... your dad can tell her the appointment is in his name and he'd like her to go too for moral support and help answer questions, and he can plan a treat for her afterwards so she has something she would enjoy to focus on

Might it help him to join DTP too, so he can see he's not alone
 

Steph21

New member
Jun 28, 2022
3
0
Thank you so much for replying, it's my dad and my step mother, my step mother is the one with dementia, she has been to a GP in the area they live (bethines) it's a small rural area on the west side of the country, the GP has referred her to a psychiatrist (I think) she went to 1 appt and now won't go again.
His concerns are thar she sometimes gets hysterical and can lash out a little, my dad is the softest most gentlemanly man I have ever met and wouldn't ever lay a finger on her and she has phones the police on him and made up all sorts of stories, to which he has showed them hospital letters and doctors letter which luckily they provided them the proof they needed and they put a note on to say she has issues,
Hes is over in the UK at the moment with her and me and my sister are going to sit down with him on Thursday and show him this forum and all the help he can get so thank you so much for everything you have given me some hope 💗

im very sorry if I have replied on the wrong place ive never wrote on a forum before and thank you so much for a warm welcome

Steph x
 

Steph21

New member
Jun 28, 2022
3
0
My dad and his wife are classed as French citizens now, her French is alot better than his altho I think she struggles a little now my dad can get by and can speak it pretty well if spoken slightly slower,

If im completely honest I just worry about it, she has 2 children to a previous marriage who are similar ages to me and my sister (I'm 34 and shes 38) but they don't seek to see it or they don't want to see it, they are the most intelligent people I have met with all kinds of fancy degrees but don't have the common sense side to realise there's an issue with their mum and seem to want to leave it to my dad which he is quite happy to help but I feel like if it was my mother I would be doing everything in my power to help her,
I'm sorry for having a little rant 😔
Hope you are all well and again thank you for being my shoulder to cry on xx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,469
0
Yorkshire
Hi @Steph21
Rant away that's what DTP is here for
Sadly some family members take some time to grasp what's happening ... some never really do
Your dad and his wife are fortunate to have you looking out for them