Help and advice

[Dumpty]

I am looking after my 94 year old father and he has recently been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. My question is, what is the best way to deal with verbal aggression. He says he cant trust me. I and others want to murder him. The house is falling down. He has obsessions with his shoes/keys/money that they have been hidden/stolen etc. Every one wants to steal his few possessions. He says he knows the plan and it is very bad of me. He uses a Zimmer and walking sticks and wonders off in the house as soon as he thinks he can not be seen. He has the idea I have a formula and thinks the house is falling because the walls are moving. He has a cataract that makes him think things are moving. I really should not get upset, but I can't help it. He will not listen to reason and when I say the walls are not moving he gets angry, anyone can see them moving. If I do or don't say anything he says this part of the house is falling down and we have to get out. When I tell him it is probably his cataract is says "it's absolute rubbish"
I have help some of the time though the other carers are going on holiday soon. How should I react to this behaviour, this does not happen all the time, he is usually the kindest and most gentle person you could find. Any advice would be gratefully received.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hi dumpty, and welcome to Talking Point, I hope you find it as useful as I do.

My mam is verbally aggressive, but in a slightly different way from your dad. Could I suggest that it's pointless trying to reason with him? If he insists the walls are moving, then to him, they are. That is his reality.

Could you just agree with him, and say that you will get it sorted, and then try to distract him with something else? Do you think this might work?

My mam is beyond distracting now, but this approach used to work quite well at times.

It is very difficult to deal with, I know.

 

[rajahh]

My husband is convinced the tree outside is about to fall down.. He keeps telling me to look at it. It is not moving at all.

It is definitely not cataracts with my husband as he had both of them down about 2 years ago.

I have just said I will go have a look later.

It is actually an azalea bush in a tub, so I shall just move it out of his vision.

You could suggest you will get a surveyor in to have a look, and go by his opinion.

Of course you don't get a surveyor in,

Hopefully he will forget and the next time he says it say, oh yes I have asked a surveyor to come, . Just keep saying that. Would that work???

 

[artyfarty]

I agree with college girl, say you'll get it fixed and change the subject.

My mum convinced herself we had poisonous gas coming out of the walls. By the time i got home she had painted green blobs of paint over every real and imagined hole on the walls in my bedroom. It is now magnolia with uneven green blobs all over it. That was two years ago. Haven't got the energy to redecorate it.