Hello

[JPMel]

Don’t really know where to begin but will try.

I have recently brought my mother to stay with me for the summer as I need to work. She does not have a diagnosis yet as I had requested this and a blood test was done but the assessment hadn’t happened before we had to leave.

I live and work on a small Island that doesn’t have nhs, all medical needs are private.

My partner has just had a cancer operation, I am due to have my gallbladder removed and have now discovered a lump in my stomach and am waiting for a scan to discover what the problem is.

in the meantime, my mother has deteriorated. She phones people in the middle of the night, keeps telling me that she wants me out of her house (the house belongs to me and my partner) and is now accusing me of sleeping with her partner. She came in to my bedroom tonight and asked why I was in bed with her partner, I tried to explain but she is convinced that what she says is correct. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I can’t take her back to the uk to get her assessed until I have had my own medical issues sorted out.

Any advice would be gratefully appreciated.

 

[Kevinl]

We all had to start from somewhere, so hello and welcome from me. K

 

[Louise7]

Hello @JPMel and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. Sorry to hear of the difficulties that you are having with your mother, and of your and your partner's health problems too, it must be very stressful for you all. A change of environment and move to another country may have caused your mother increased confusion, and if she has suddenly deteriorated it's possible that she may have an infection such as a urine infection, so it would be worth having her checked out medically if that's possible. As you are outside of the UK please let us know where you are as there might be some local support networks/services that we could point you to that can help.

 

[JPMel]

I have now had my mother living with me for the last 3 months. It has been hell! She is now insisting that I take her home which I can do, but can only stay with her for one week then I have to return to my home for my partner and work.
She is insisting that she can look after herself. She hasn’t prepared a meal in three months because I don’t think she remembers how to.

My mother is a very difficult woman to get along with and I am at my wits end with her. I do have POA but what would happen if I were to just leave her to get on with it, which is what she wants, could I get into trouble?

 

[Kevinl]

There are 2 types of PoA (UK England) health and welfare or/and legal and financial.
Yes you can quit but then the office of public guardianship will take over and cost money.
If she still has capacity she could appoint new someone new if she liked. K

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @JPMel

Having Power of Attorney allows a person to manage the affairs of another person but does not place an obligation upon them to provide care for that person. You have chosen to look after your mother but in trying to do so have found it to be extremely difficult. That is quite common. If she wishes to go home - whether or not this seems feasible - she could be allowed to do so. Enabling her wish will not get you into trouble as it is not your responsibility to look after her. It does seem likely that it may precipitate a crisis at which point social services would be involved. In anticipation of this, if you do decide to take her home, it would be sensible to inform her local social services that she is a vulnerable person at risk of harm. The responsibility for meeting her care needs rests with social services.

I hope that I have understood your situation correctly and that the above helps you.