Hello to everyone

[hideous]

This is a new experience for me. I am very much in the early stages of using this site. This comes at the advice of my daughter and comes from a feeling of deep desperation.

My wife is in the process of diagnosis, and we get the results of an MRI scan on Jan. 13. There seems little doubt as to the outcome.

My life depends on who she thinks I am. At various times, I can be our son, her uncle, anther guy with my name, or myself, As myself, I apparently live in another house up the road!

My wife thinks too that she is in the wrong house, and wants to go 'home', which seems to be an identical house in an identical street with the same name!

 

[Dazmum]

Welcome to TP, hideous. What a horrible time for you, and one that we have all experienced. My mum always wanted to go home every day to her childhood home, and did not know who my dad was from time to time, getting angry that there was a man she didn't know sharing her bedroom.

I can only say that you will get a wealth of support here, from people who understand and sympathise. There are fact sheets to give advice, but you will also receive it from those who have had similar experiences and can tell you how they dealt with them and hopefully some mechanisms will help you too. Sometimes you may just want a good rant and you can do that too. Xxx

 

[Shedrech]

hello hideous
a warm welcome to TP, so glad your daughter mentioned the site to you
many of us anchored up here with lots of questions, fears and tears, so you've found a community of folk who understand what you are going through and will share their experiences to support you
have a good mooch around, there's loads of useful info here - and come back with any specific questions you have; someone will be able to help
what you describe of your wife's behaviour is familiar - go with the flow to keep her anxiety as low as possible; you'll become quite an actor, taking on many parts
this thread on compassionate communication may help
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
keep posting
best wishes to you all

 

[canary]

Hello hideous and welcome to Talking Point

What you are describing is called Capgras syndrome and this duplication of people and places happens quite a lot with dementia. As Shedrech suggests - just go with the flow and dont contradict her. Mum thinks that I am her sister, her mother, a lady from her church or sometimes a doctor. She is happy to see me so I dont mind.
The piece on compassionate communication is very helpful. Its not the final word, but if you can follow it it helps a lot.

 

[esmeralda]

Hello hideous and welcome.
I guess none of us would have chosen this path, and it is certainly challenging and often very distressing. We have to find a way to live as well as possible with it though, and the friendship and sharing you can find on Talking Point can contribute such a lot to this.
If your wife's diagnosis is confirmed I would say find out as much as you can about local resources too. When my husband was diagnosed we were not given any information at all and it took quite a few months before I was aware of what was around. On the TP home page there is a place you can put in your post code and it will tell you what is in your area.
Very best wishes to you and your wife.

 

[Steve115]

Hi Hideous,

Your wife seems to be at the same point that my wife was at when she was diagnosed, in particular the confusion. I concur with everything that has been said before but would also suggest that you have your wife checked for a UTI (urinary infection). If she has this sort of infection you may find that things will settle down, as they did for my wife, once it is treated.

The UTI is well and truly controlled but my OH still has underlying confusion that arises from time to time. You do get used to it.

Best regards
Steve

 

[Grannie G]

Hello hideous

What a worrying time for all of you. You have a long wait for a diagnosis which can`t help.

Reading of your wife`s symptoms shows just how different people with dementia are.

My husband knew me for most of the time until the middle /later stages but he presented with a lot of anger and really challenging behaviour in the early stages.

The wanting to go home was right from the start and my husband used to buy rail tickets to Manchester so he could return to his `real` wife and `real` family.

This only happened late afternoon early evening and was the result of sundowning. . Do you know of this? Does your wife show these behaviours all the time or mainly late afternoon/early evening.

There is more information about sundowning in one of the Factsheets.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=159