Hello, new to the forum

[Kdips]

Hi, I'm Karen. My mom we diagnosed with Alzheimer's back in 2018. The decline has really started to show now.
She doesn't seem to know that she is married to her husband (they have been together for 20+ years) and as a result refused to let him care for her beyond making meals etc.
We have a care plan for daily morning and evening carers which started well however she now refuses to interact or co-operate with them, refusing to wash or change her clothes or even go to the toilet etc. She will shower for me so I am helping daily which is a struggle with 3 kids and a full time job and not practical as a long term solution. There are the odd days when she will let a carer assist her, but once she has decided she doesn't like one she is rude and belligerent to them.
Has anyone had this type of experience? Can it get better? My step dad is at breaking point and can't go on so we are discussing a care home as the only real option now if she can't be looked after at home.

I should add that because of her refusal to wash she keeps getting UTI's which make her even more difficult to help as they really affect her mood etc.
Thank you

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi Karen @Kdips welcome to the forum.

It’s not unusual for someone with dementia to be co-operative with just one person and have no understanding that that person may not be able to help all the time. Not washing or changing clothes is very common too and is frequently a reason for people to have to move into a care home, especially when incontinence becomes involved too.
If you’re lucky you may find a carer who your mum takes to but if she has to go into a carehome please don’t feel guilty. My dad did well in his carehome - they looked after him better than we could at home.