Hello my name is Cathy

[Cathy1961]

Hello, I'm new to this forum. I care for my elderly father who lives with us and I am still currently working fall time. We have arranged for dad to have two weeks respite in October but ever since he found out the stress levels at home have been so high.
I feel guilty but my husband and I really need a break. I am struggling to handle the situation at the moment and how much should I speak to dad about it. I'm beginning to think respite care is too traumatic and a one of move to full time care will end up being the answer.

 

[canary]

Hello @Cathy1961 and welcome to Talking Point

My OH is currently in respite and I didnt tell him about it until just before he went.

Unfortunately, most people with dementia, by the time they need respite, have lost self insight and are not able to understand the reality of their own situation. Thy think that they are perfectly able to look after themselves and cannot understand why they need to go for respite - and, unfortunately, you will not be able to explain it to him. If you try, it may well just make him angry, because he wont believe what you are saying and will probably refuse to go.

I would not say anything now until the day he is going. If you keep on reminding him it will just give him more time to dig his heels in. When you do tell him about it would he accept it as a little holiday for him, a chance to get away from everything for a while?

 

[Cathy1961]

Hello @Cathy1961 and welcome to Talking Point

My OH is currently in respite and I didnt tell him about it until just before he went.

Unfortunately, most people with dementia, by the time they need respite, have lost self insight and are not able to understand the reality of their own situation. Thy think that they are perfectly able to look after themselves and cannot understand why they need to go for respite - and, unfortunately, you will not be able to explain it to him. If you try, it may well just make him angry, because he wont believe what you are saying and will probably refuse to go.

I would not say anything now until the day he is going. If you keep on reminding him it will just give him more time to dig his heels in. When you do tell him about it would he accept it as a little holiday for him, a chance to get away from everything for a while?

Thank you for that advice, I will let it be for now. He had to know last week because they care home came to do an assessment but perhaps if I say nothing he will settle and forget