I'm hopeful that you all can help me with a question that my mother is asking and I'm unsure how to proceed as the answer is devastating for her to hear. My father passed away unexpectedly less than a year ago and my mother is having difficulty remembering that he has passed. How do you approach this question? I was able to redirect one time and another time I did tell her that he had passed away. She had so many emotions, thoughts and questions. It was heartbreaking for both of us. Can you please give recommendations as to how I should handle this when she asks again? She's also asked when her mother (my grandmother) is coming or if I've seen her and she has been gone for over 30 years. Any advice you can give will be greatly appreciated.
Hello, I'm new to your community but have been caring for my mother for several years. Recent loss of my loved ones spouse and my father.
- Thread starter melissadg
- Start date
Hello and welcome to the site.
Just because somebody is a bit older and has memory issues doesn't mean it can't be for other reasons, I'd get her checked out, it could be something treatable, please get her to see a doctor as I say it may be treatable.
Sooner the better, turned out my issue was viral encphilitis a viral infection of the brain, all sorted now and I'm back home, on here but only because it got caught in time. Good luck. K
Just because somebody is a bit older and has memory issues doesn't mean it can't be for other reasons, I'd get her checked out, it could be something treatable, please get her to see a doctor as I say it may be treatable.
Sooner the better, turned out my issue was viral encphilitis a viral infection of the brain, all sorted now and I'm back home, on here but only because it got caught in time. Good luck. K
Hello @melissadg and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. First of all my condolences on the passing of your father. This is such a difficult issue but it is recommended not to keep telling a loved one who has dementia that their spouse has passed away. Unfortunately as you have seen they will not remember what you have said and then every time you remind them they get upset all over again.
As you have already done, the way to handle the issue is redirection or as it is often referred to on here 'love lies'. For example, he has gone out for a walk and will be back later, he has gone out to see some friends. The same would apply to questions about your grandmother. Anything that you think that she will accept. It is not easy, I certainly found it difficult when using the same technique when my dad would ask where my mum was, but the alternative was so heart breaking for all of us.
I do hope that this helps a little.
As you have already done, the way to handle the issue is redirection or as it is often referred to on here 'love lies'. For example, he has gone out for a walk and will be back later, he has gone out to see some friends. The same would apply to questions about your grandmother. Anything that you think that she will accept. It is not easy, I certainly found it difficult when using the same technique when my dad would ask where my mum was, but the alternative was so heart breaking for all of us.
I do hope that this helps a little.
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