Hello. I'm beginning The Journey. I say beginning because it is only now that my Dad's and sister's conditions have begun to hit home and deeply affect me. I live over 800 miles away from them, so though I had a cognitive awareness of the Alz. and Parkinson's with dementia and was sorrowful that they were dealing with it, it didn't become "real" to me until February 10th. My Dad went outside and fell on the back deck on his way back in. Mom was napping so she didn't know. My sister and husband were running errands. Dad laid there for nearly an hour. This one fall has sent out family on a path no one imagined- nor even took thought it could be possible. I am struggling greatly due to Dad having to be placed in a home. We sisters never thought our parents would part this way!!!! It hss been traumatic for EVERYONE. Mom is 90 years old, Dad a year younger. My sis can't lift Dad, neither can her husband due to back surgery, so the home was the only option. Dad didn't break anything in the fall, but isn't independently mobile now. This means they are apart after 73 years of marriage. They cry often. It is too hard. I wasn't prepared for this. Might sound silly, but I was prepared for one of them, then the other to pass, but not to be separated while living. I am grieving daily and it is hard to keep going. I am an artist with a business and struggling to create. I can't talk to my Dad often now. I used to text Mom and ask if it was a "good" day to call. He doesn't have a phone in his room, I have to jump through hoops trying to connect with Mom (who rarely can hear her phone) or sis to set up a call. I am thankful that he still has "good days"!! But I wish to be with him, to hug him, look into his blue eyes and tell him that even when he forgets, I will always remember the man that he is; the one deep inside.
Then there's my older sister- 8 years my senior- diagnosed 3 years ago with Parkinson's. It progressed rapidly. She is a shell. We can't talk with her, can't call her - she can't function that way. This reality has not hit me emotionally yet. I fear it will like a brick wall. This Alz. /dementia journey is _________- I can't find words.
Then there's my older sister- 8 years my senior- diagnosed 3 years ago with Parkinson's. It progressed rapidly. She is a shell. We can't talk with her, can't call her - she can't function that way. This reality has not hit me emotionally yet. I fear it will like a brick wall. This Alz. /dementia journey is _________- I can't find words.
But he got out of bed and using the walker went to his bathroom. I believe he can strengthen IF he eats. But he hasn't been eating even one full meal a day. His muscles need the nourishment. His nurses ( one who is male and FANTASTIC!) said he has reached his potential. But I don't believe in measuring a person by another's ability. I am praying. But I also need to find a way to keep moving with my own life. One hurdle is that I promised Dad he would never be in a home. I am far away, and know that sister did the only thing possible unless he strengthens physically. But I wonder if he is miserable when he is alone, without visitors or conversation? I don't know. I wish I was allowed to call and speak to that one nurse. But sis has P.O.A. so they probably won't allow that. I am asking. He would be able to tell me exactly what is happening when family isn't around, and maybe he isn't suffering as much as I imagine? So hard. I must find a way to not internalize all this.
