Hello, I have been caring for my mother-in-law on and off since November 2022. She clearly had dementia from when she started living with us but was in complete denial. It was difficult to get a diagnosis which we obtained in January this year, It is vascular dementia. She has deteriorated a lot over the past few weeks and is sad and regularly aggressive. She threatened to punch me yesterday and was up most of the night. My partner called the emergency services but no one came or responded. Just feeling oh so very tired. She developed incontinence about two and a half weeks ago and I can't get to speak to the incontinence team as all her urine samples come out with inconclusive results. Thinking of buying some tests. Are there better ones to buy?
Hello - deterioration, aggression and incontinence
- Thread starter Anjona
- Start date
Sorry, please get it checked, UTI is the most quoted on here as a cause on here but any infection can make behaviour worsen.
Caring for my four foot ten wife wasn't a problem but threats of violence like being punched, by her like I'd care, problem is violence be it domestic as or carer related are, do not put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation , and threatening to punch you means seek some outside help.
No one should be threatened in this way. K
Caring for my four foot ten wife wasn't a problem but threats of violence like being punched, by her like I'd care, problem is violence be it domestic as or carer related are, do not put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation , and threatening to punch you means seek some outside help.
No one should be threatened in this way. K
so now it seems that the last urine test did show signs of infection but there are no appointments for the GP to speak to us. Phoned 111 and now waiting for a clinician to speak to us. In the mean time the confusion has got a lot worse. She's constantly awake at night and in a bad way during the day.
For many carers incontinance and violent behaviour are red flags that a residential care solution is coming closer
What are your own feelings on this?
Are you planning home care regardless?
What are your own feelings on this?
Are you planning home care regardless?
I'm not sure. She is still pretty mobile and at time quite lucid. Residential care seems an extreme response at this time. 111 eventually told us to got to A & E and after four hours it was confirmed that there was no urine infection. I did think that the incontinence and aggression was due to the infection. So many people seemed convinced that that was the issue including some on this thread. Event the Admiral nurse seemed convinced it was an infection. Now it seems clear it is the dementia and pure unadulterated decline and it does make me sad. It feels such a responsibility knowing that she is dying where she seems blissfully unaware.
Hello @Anjona
Making a decision for residential care isn`t such a terrible thing.
You can still be an integral part of your mother in law`s life by visiting regularly and ensuring she has the best care possible but it will mean you can have some life of your own.
My mother was mobile when she went into care but a massive responsibility while I was working full time.
I made sure she was in the best care home I could find and when I visited I was in the correct mindset to give her undivided attention without being exhausted and fraught with worry about other aspects of caring.
Making a decision for residential care isn`t such a terrible thing.
You can still be an integral part of your mother in law`s life by visiting regularly and ensuring she has the best care possible but it will mean you can have some life of your own.
My mother was mobile when she went into care but a massive responsibility while I was working full time.
I made sure she was in the best care home I could find and when I visited I was in the correct mindset to give her undivided attention without being exhausted and fraught with worry about other aspects of caring.
Hi @Anjona, my mother and mother in law also had vascular dementia and in both cases things were OKish until suddenly they weren’t . Vascular dementia tends to go down in steps and it sounds like your mother in law has probably taken quite a big step down.
My mum was still very mobile and continent when she moved into care, but she lived on her own and was putting her self in risky situations daily. My mother in law moved into care mainly because her incontinence became too difficult to care for at home. Moving into care when you can still get enjoyment with the activities on offer is often a good thing. Not all care homes are alike, and even if now feels too early it would be a good idea to visit some local ones to get an idea of what’s on offer in your area.
My mum was still very mobile and continent when she moved into care, but she lived on her own and was putting her self in risky situations daily. My mother in law moved into care mainly because her incontinence became too difficult to care for at home. Moving into care when you can still get enjoyment with the activities on offer is often a good thing. Not all care homes are alike, and even if now feels too early it would be a good idea to visit some local ones to get an idea of what’s on offer in your area.
She was put in residential care following a stroke without our consent (or hers) by a social worker from the council. She was deeply unhappy and was crying all the time. The care home they put her in was mainly occupied by people with significantly much higher needs than her. It took weeks for us to get her out which we finally managed after a formal complaint and a best interests meeting. It has made it more difficult to look at other care options. The decline is pretty steep and things seem to be moving pretty fast (but at the same time pretty slow). I know she is frustrated when things get taken out of her hands and wanting to give her some control in the decisions being taken.
Increasingly my mother-in-law is so very teary and disorientated. She is spending a lot of time talking to people that she is seeing that arent there. Often they really upset her by doing or not doing things that she wants. It's heart breaking. She is getting more and more difficult to understand. Much of the time I'm just guessing what she's saying. She's also finding walking harder also often struggling to be able to open drawers and cupboards. Not really sure what to do. I try distraction but it is hard.
