I’m so sorry to read about how you’re feeling @Heartbrokenbear.
Good advice above. Please phone the Samaritans number and speak to someone there.
Good advice above. Please phone the Samaritans number and speak to someone there.
Heart Broken
- Thread starter Heartbrokenbear
- Start date
-
- Tags
- mixed dementia
I find things always look so hopeless during the night and into the morning.
Ive been where you are, when not being here seems the best solution, but, honestly, hun, it is not the answer.
Please go and see your GP. A short course on antidepressants can help a lot. No one wants to take them, but they can help during a sudden overwhelming crisis. Then you will feel better and start to cope
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) @Heartbrokenbear
Ive been where you are, when not being here seems the best solution, but, honestly, hun, it is not the answer.
Please go and see your GP. A short course on antidepressants can help a lot. No one wants to take them, but they can help during a sudden overwhelming crisis. Then you will feel better and start to cope
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) @Heartbrokenbear
You really should contact your GP on your own behalf. When my partner was first diagnosed I developed a state of anxiety which was very frightening. I couldn’t sleep and was in a state of perpetual motion and couldn’t settle at all. I was prescribed an anti depressant which worked wonders. Taking medication was totally alien to me as I’d never experienced anything like it before but I was on it for a period of time and it allowed me to cope and deal with the situation.
I'm sorry if everyone feels like I don't acknowledge others posts fully, but my head is in such a state.
My dad has improved since stopping Aricept but I've noticed that his long term memory is fading - he can't recall certain words of things or long term memories from 15-20 years ago.
I've now established that he hasn't been eating or drinking, due to either not remembering or thinking he already had.
Food is out of date, and not used but new keeps getting put in.
We've not been given a stage but what stage does that sound like?
He has virtually nil short term memory. It seems younger memories are starring to fade but I'm not sure if it's just because he's been hiding it so well.
I genuinely believe for what I've witnessed someone with Dementia can hide is very well at the start.
The same with medications I'm having to remind him.
I'm not in a good place, I'm in a very dark place and I think I've given up.
We spoke again the other day and he told me he's really worried about me, and I told him I'm worried about him and he said he's fine.
I confessed to my doctor the other day who made contact with me that I don't see a way out of this now, I don't see any hope and that if someone happens to him I don't think I be in control of my emotions or feelings and that I feel I will end it.
Although I said I didn't want it an emergency mental health assessment has been made but I've ignored contact from them today as I've been spending all day with Dad - I have to spend much time as I can.
I've been put on various drugs but I've yet to take them because I feel I need to remain alert for Dad, I'm not sure of the next steps but I guess I may have to move him in with me if he gets any worse, I promised him days ago I would not let him go into a nursing home as that's what he said he's scared of. I won't do it, even if I have to get carers in.
My heads a mess, I've not eaten since last week and sleep seems to be non existent.
Thank you to everyone who is here, listens and again I'm sorry for my problems troubles being posted here.
My dad has improved since stopping Aricept but I've noticed that his long term memory is fading - he can't recall certain words of things or long term memories from 15-20 years ago.
I've now established that he hasn't been eating or drinking, due to either not remembering or thinking he already had.
Food is out of date, and not used but new keeps getting put in.
We've not been given a stage but what stage does that sound like?
He has virtually nil short term memory. It seems younger memories are starring to fade but I'm not sure if it's just because he's been hiding it so well.
I genuinely believe for what I've witnessed someone with Dementia can hide is very well at the start.
The same with medications I'm having to remind him.
I'm not in a good place, I'm in a very dark place and I think I've given up.
We spoke again the other day and he told me he's really worried about me, and I told him I'm worried about him and he said he's fine.
I confessed to my doctor the other day who made contact with me that I don't see a way out of this now, I don't see any hope and that if someone happens to him I don't think I be in control of my emotions or feelings and that I feel I will end it.
Although I said I didn't want it an emergency mental health assessment has been made but I've ignored contact from them today as I've been spending all day with Dad - I have to spend much time as I can.
I've been put on various drugs but I've yet to take them because I feel I need to remain alert for Dad, I'm not sure of the next steps but I guess I may have to move him in with me if he gets any worse, I promised him days ago I would not let him go into a nursing home as that's what he said he's scared of. I won't do it, even if I have to get carers in.
My heads a mess, I've not eaten since last week and sleep seems to be non existent.
Thank you to everyone who is here, listens and again I'm sorry for my problems troubles being posted here.
Please don’t apologize for not acknowledging posts. No one here expects that at all. And not why anyone posts so don’t worry.
Please please please make contact with the emergency mental health team and maybe start taking the medication you have been prescribed. It sound like things for you are pretty desperate and you really need some help. I know things feel bleak right now, but they can get better.
As far as your Dad is concerned it is hard to known what stage he is at. But when my Mum stopped preparing food for herself and was eating out of date food. We were able to have carers in and she was at home for another 4 years before we needed to consider a care home. So please don’t panic just yet. Things might not be as bleak as you imagine. Your social services department at your local council should be able to organize a care needs assessment to work out what would help dad. I know you might not feel strong enough to call them. But perhaps you could mention to your GP how much you and your Dad are struggling?
Please take good care of yourself and get some help. Xxx
Please please please make contact with the emergency mental health team and maybe start taking the medication you have been prescribed. It sound like things for you are pretty desperate and you really need some help. I know things feel bleak right now, but they can get better.
As far as your Dad is concerned it is hard to known what stage he is at. But when my Mum stopped preparing food for herself and was eating out of date food. We were able to have carers in and she was at home for another 4 years before we needed to consider a care home. So please don’t panic just yet. Things might not be as bleak as you imagine. Your social services department at your local council should be able to organize a care needs assessment to work out what would help dad. I know you might not feel strong enough to call them. But perhaps you could mention to your GP how much you and your Dad are struggling?
Please take good care of yourself and get some help. Xxx
Hello. I wanted to send you a BIG HUG. I live with my mum, my own family and only real friend , who was diagnosed with Alzheimers in2017. Things took a turn early 2019 and been getting worse. I have felt at periods of not wanting to be around and totally fearful of not wanting to " be in this world alone". But please note i have also had contentment (although emotionally hard) of being mum's carer. I had to change my life to take off the pressure in my case: enjoying the small things ( no weekends away or holidays), getting all the financial benefits/POA in place (to feel on top of that at least), as well as my 'happy pills' from the doctor which help a lot, working part time and from home and utilising the sitter service or any counselling i have needed. Mum does not know she has a child any more but she knows i look after her and she isn't on her own and she is happy at least in that respect.
the way to help your dad is to have all these assessments yourself and take the medication that has been prescribe. it takes a bit of time to work and wont necessarily make you drowsy. there are some that dont but just lift your mood then you can cope better with your dad.
its hard to say what stage hes at as each persons journey is their own. maybe live in the moment rather than thinking of the future and getting overwhelmed. get through the morning then the afternoon. with my husband, ive never promise he wouldnt go into a home but unless he is a danger to himself or others i will try to look after him. i would help yourself to be able to help your dad
its hard to say what stage hes at as each persons journey is their own. maybe live in the moment rather than thinking of the future and getting overwhelmed. get through the morning then the afternoon. with my husband, ive never promise he wouldnt go into a home but unless he is a danger to himself or others i will try to look after him. i would help yourself to be able to help your dad
Dear @Heartbrokenbear
I am an ex carer and I have just read through this thread. You have received very good advice and others have offered emotional support. Perhaps you will allow me to try and help you. Those very dark moments ring a bell for me and I cannot just click onto another thread without contacting you. Please understand I am doing so with the best of intentions and I hope you will find some connection in what I say.
1) Please just sit down for a moment and reflect. Your emotions are all over the place, your mind is racing and sleep is difficult for you. Then a tired mind starts to race faster. For a few minutes just please read my words and let them sink in. You clearly have immense love for your dad, your concern and anxiety flows from that deep love. You are a good person. I do not know you or your life but your dad’s diagnosis was an emotional shock, it is for all carers. Suspicions turned to reality hurts greatly. The related emotional upset is not weakness it reflects the size of the happening. Please stop any self judgement. Please accept any medical assistance or treatment offered to you. Start to right the ship as my old loving grandad would have said.
2) Okay now consider a few points with a slightly different emphasis to perhaps how you feel right now. I gently suggest part of your deep upset is based on fear, of an illness, that you might let your dad down, what the future holds. Please be clear those fears are not unique to you they impact all carers. You are not alone in experiencing them, although it may feel that way right now. Is there a local carers group you can contact? Unfortunately there is no carers manual given out at the Memory Clinic. All carers make mistakes along the caring journey. But now please reflect on this point. It is okay to do so. You will learn, gather wisdom and strength from other carers like through this forum, from your personal experience in the role. Crucially you love your dad and he is better off having you looking out for him. Overtime you will do far more good than any error you make. Like all carers on this forum you are trying to help your loved one. Please recognise the value of that to your dad and crucially to you as a carer. You are on the side of the good people.
3) As a carer you need to consider an old but true statement. A carer cannot give the love and support required if their own physical and emotional tanks are empty. Please try and eat to keep up your strength. Please accept that caring is a difficult role which will make demands on you very likely not experienced before. Give yourself time to catch your breath, gather information, see your GP, etc. Going forward please take one day at a time. I know from personal experience the human mind can try to wander into an unknowable future and race away. We cannot know how any individual caring journey will unfold, worrying about things which may never happen or not as anticipated is to waste the day you have now with your dad. Try and live in this day and let go of anxiety about tomorrow. Not easy I know but just try.
You have been given an unwanted role. Every carer on this forum would deep down rather not be here, would rather their loved ones were well. That said they help and support each other. Please take the time to accept what has happened. I remember when I was at your point in time. The world looked the same but it did not feel the same. As I moved forward with help from this forum and a local carers group I slowly grew in confidence, realised I was not alone, crucially that yes I would make the odd mistake but overall my mum benefited from having me in her life. Please do not get me wrong I never liked the caring role, but I grew into it and developed my confidence to deal with matters as time went by. That was a gradual and on going process, as I gently suggest will be your experience as well. These are bad days just after the diagnosis, gathering information, contacts, processing internally what has happened, etc. Get help from any quarter, accept it and be gentle with yourself in your own mind.
I close hoping my words have had a positive impact which was my intention. The advice from other members is good, my aim was to ask you to pause and reflect. Your love and concern for your dad is clear in your words and does you credit. I suggest that those are also the building blocks upon which you can build and help him going forward. Please focus on the here and now (eg contacting a carers group, LPA, your own welfare, etc) and accept the carers role is an uncertain one but you will grow into it. There will be hard moments but there will be the odd funny one, ones you can treasure.
This forum helped me immensely. Please stay in touch, ask questions, come here and rant if that will help. Every person who replies owns the carers teeshirt, all reluctantly but they will help each other. For instance it can be frustrating and worrying when a question is often asked. For the person with Dementia it is always the first time they have asked. Try distraction. Offer a cup of tea, a cuddle, perhaps watch a TV programme or play some music your dad likes. The short term memory is damaged but the flip side is you might be able to move him onto another subject. Just a suggestion. Get his favourite biscuits to have with the drink. I hope my words can help you and I wish you well for the future.
I am an ex carer and I have just read through this thread. You have received very good advice and others have offered emotional support. Perhaps you will allow me to try and help you. Those very dark moments ring a bell for me and I cannot just click onto another thread without contacting you. Please understand I am doing so with the best of intentions and I hope you will find some connection in what I say.
1) Please just sit down for a moment and reflect. Your emotions are all over the place, your mind is racing and sleep is difficult for you. Then a tired mind starts to race faster. For a few minutes just please read my words and let them sink in. You clearly have immense love for your dad, your concern and anxiety flows from that deep love. You are a good person. I do not know you or your life but your dad’s diagnosis was an emotional shock, it is for all carers. Suspicions turned to reality hurts greatly. The related emotional upset is not weakness it reflects the size of the happening. Please stop any self judgement. Please accept any medical assistance or treatment offered to you. Start to right the ship as my old loving grandad would have said.
2) Okay now consider a few points with a slightly different emphasis to perhaps how you feel right now. I gently suggest part of your deep upset is based on fear, of an illness, that you might let your dad down, what the future holds. Please be clear those fears are not unique to you they impact all carers. You are not alone in experiencing them, although it may feel that way right now. Is there a local carers group you can contact? Unfortunately there is no carers manual given out at the Memory Clinic. All carers make mistakes along the caring journey. But now please reflect on this point. It is okay to do so. You will learn, gather wisdom and strength from other carers like through this forum, from your personal experience in the role. Crucially you love your dad and he is better off having you looking out for him. Overtime you will do far more good than any error you make. Like all carers on this forum you are trying to help your loved one. Please recognise the value of that to your dad and crucially to you as a carer. You are on the side of the good people.
3) As a carer you need to consider an old but true statement. A carer cannot give the love and support required if their own physical and emotional tanks are empty. Please try and eat to keep up your strength. Please accept that caring is a difficult role which will make demands on you very likely not experienced before. Give yourself time to catch your breath, gather information, see your GP, etc. Going forward please take one day at a time. I know from personal experience the human mind can try to wander into an unknowable future and race away. We cannot know how any individual caring journey will unfold, worrying about things which may never happen or not as anticipated is to waste the day you have now with your dad. Try and live in this day and let go of anxiety about tomorrow. Not easy I know but just try.
You have been given an unwanted role. Every carer on this forum would deep down rather not be here, would rather their loved ones were well. That said they help and support each other. Please take the time to accept what has happened. I remember when I was at your point in time. The world looked the same but it did not feel the same. As I moved forward with help from this forum and a local carers group I slowly grew in confidence, realised I was not alone, crucially that yes I would make the odd mistake but overall my mum benefited from having me in her life. Please do not get me wrong I never liked the caring role, but I grew into it and developed my confidence to deal with matters as time went by. That was a gradual and on going process, as I gently suggest will be your experience as well. These are bad days just after the diagnosis, gathering information, contacts, processing internally what has happened, etc. Get help from any quarter, accept it and be gentle with yourself in your own mind.
I close hoping my words have had a positive impact which was my intention. The advice from other members is good, my aim was to ask you to pause and reflect. Your love and concern for your dad is clear in your words and does you credit. I suggest that those are also the building blocks upon which you can build and help him going forward. Please focus on the here and now (eg contacting a carers group, LPA, your own welfare, etc) and accept the carers role is an uncertain one but you will grow into it. There will be hard moments but there will be the odd funny one, ones you can treasure.
This forum helped me immensely. Please stay in touch, ask questions, come here and rant if that will help. Every person who replies owns the carers teeshirt, all reluctantly but they will help each other. For instance it can be frustrating and worrying when a question is often asked. For the person with Dementia it is always the first time they have asked. Try distraction. Offer a cup of tea, a cuddle, perhaps watch a TV programme or play some music your dad likes. The short term memory is damaged but the flip side is you might be able to move him onto another subject. Just a suggestion. Get his favourite biscuits to have with the drink. I hope my words can help you and I wish you well for the future.
@Whisperer your words have reminded me so much of the start of my own journey. Thank you for sharing and I do hope that they will help @Heartbrokenbear
Hi all,
Sorry I've not been replying.
I've been spending as much time as possible with Dad.
So far two drugs have failed, the first one made him very confused, he worsened in days, thinking he didn't live where he did.
This subsided after I stopped him having it anymore, although a GP told me to keep him on it, I made the decision it was too high risk.
Since then another GP has agreed I did the right thing.
The second one affected his heart and caused angina so I stopped this immediately without informing the GP, again I deemed it too high risk.
Unfortunately, dad has been slowly deteriorating, I've noticed it.
I can be talking to him and he stares straight though me and doesn't have any clue what I'm on about or even doing, such as speaking to him. I prompt him and he just says 'yes' or 'no'.
He falls a sleep a lot too mid day.
I think he has a mild swallowing issue which concerns me as I've rear this can indicate mid stage, although he is still aware of distant memories I think they are starting to fade.
I've been very unwell with it all, my GP informed the mental health services about me and sough to MHA, at present they have said they'll monitor me.
However I didn't know but the mental health team made a safeguarding referral, about me not Dad, to social services as they've deemed me vulnerable.
Dad has said to me many times he doesn't want to go into a nursing home and I've promised him again and again and he says he knows I won't willingly but what if it gets too much as he's seen it before children promise their parents, I've told him I won't, I will get carers to come in even if that's a dozen times a day I will not put him in one (luckily he is already in sheltered housing and I can't put this into play when if it comes - which I hope it won't).
Another blow was Dad never told me but when we had a meeting with the GP last time I was informed he is losing blood internally, from somewhere and that he had a positive FIT test a few months ago, I wasn't aware, and they are concerned regards possible cancer.
Dad doesn't want anymore invasive tests and I've supported him with this, given his frame of mind.
I've not sent off the POA yet, it's all ready to go but I can't bring myself to do it, Dad hates the idea of me having it but keeps telling me to hurry up and send it as he doesn't want social services making the decisions about him.
I guess I have to send it off soon.
Alarming I found Dad messing around with electrics the other day, he got a shock, luckily not lasting damage but I did tell him firmly he needs to stop doing these things.
Finally, his gait now seems to becoming affected, he holds on to rails upstairs and down now something he never did or I never noticed before and his feet aren't always straight in front of each other - I understand this is another symptom.
Luckily my GP understands how distressed I am and has put me on various drugs to try and keep me going, although it only seems to take the edge off, not escape reality.
Sending you all love, support and best wishes for this cruel disease.
Sorry I've not been replying.
I've been spending as much time as possible with Dad.
So far two drugs have failed, the first one made him very confused, he worsened in days, thinking he didn't live where he did.
This subsided after I stopped him having it anymore, although a GP told me to keep him on it, I made the decision it was too high risk.
Since then another GP has agreed I did the right thing.
The second one affected his heart and caused angina so I stopped this immediately without informing the GP, again I deemed it too high risk.
Unfortunately, dad has been slowly deteriorating, I've noticed it.
I can be talking to him and he stares straight though me and doesn't have any clue what I'm on about or even doing, such as speaking to him. I prompt him and he just says 'yes' or 'no'.
He falls a sleep a lot too mid day.
I think he has a mild swallowing issue which concerns me as I've rear this can indicate mid stage, although he is still aware of distant memories I think they are starting to fade.
I've been very unwell with it all, my GP informed the mental health services about me and sough to MHA, at present they have said they'll monitor me.
However I didn't know but the mental health team made a safeguarding referral, about me not Dad, to social services as they've deemed me vulnerable.
Dad has said to me many times he doesn't want to go into a nursing home and I've promised him again and again and he says he knows I won't willingly but what if it gets too much as he's seen it before children promise their parents, I've told him I won't, I will get carers to come in even if that's a dozen times a day I will not put him in one (luckily he is already in sheltered housing and I can't put this into play when if it comes - which I hope it won't).
Another blow was Dad never told me but when we had a meeting with the GP last time I was informed he is losing blood internally, from somewhere and that he had a positive FIT test a few months ago, I wasn't aware, and they are concerned regards possible cancer.
Dad doesn't want anymore invasive tests and I've supported him with this, given his frame of mind.
I've not sent off the POA yet, it's all ready to go but I can't bring myself to do it, Dad hates the idea of me having it but keeps telling me to hurry up and send it as he doesn't want social services making the decisions about him.
I guess I have to send it off soon.
Alarming I found Dad messing around with electrics the other day, he got a shock, luckily not lasting damage but I did tell him firmly he needs to stop doing these things.
Finally, his gait now seems to becoming affected, he holds on to rails upstairs and down now something he never did or I never noticed before and his feet aren't always straight in front of each other - I understand this is another symptom.
Luckily my GP understands how distressed I am and has put me on various drugs to try and keep me going, although it only seems to take the edge off, not escape reality.
Sending you all love, support and best wishes for this cruel disease.
i would send the poa asap. it doesnt mean that your dad cant say any more but good for when he may not have capacity. health and welfare and finance. once he hasnt got capacity, you cant send them and set it up but a whole different scenario. it saves a lot of work. you can have a poa at any time in your life, i set my husbands up 3 months after diagnosis. 4 years on, he still has capacity and makes his own decisions. he does the starring eyes and i have to repeat it. hes not listening. mine zones out when hes had enough of talking or finding it hard to manage conversation. mine had anaemia with no sign of bleeding. they wanted a camera up and down to see if it was his bowel. he refused both but just had a ct scan instead and highlighted his colon. there wasnt any point as he didnt want treatment so why put him through it. they only found polyps so we left.
Thank you for the update @Heartbrokenbear. It really is so sad to read.
Your love for your dad shines through. I‘m sorry to hear that your own health is suffering.
I agree with @jennifer1967 that you should send of the POA now. She gives good advice.
I’m glad you’ve come back to visiting the forum and I hope you keep posting. You’ll always find understanding and support here.
Your love for your dad shines through. I‘m sorry to hear that your own health is suffering.
I agree with @jennifer1967 that you should send of the POA now. She gives good advice.
I’m glad you’ve come back to visiting the forum and I hope you keep posting. You’ll always find understanding and support here.
I was so moved by your post @Heartbrokenbear and so sorry that you find yourself where none of us would wish to be.
May I also encourage you to post the POA? You would only use it once it becomes absolutely necessary. If it’s not in place at that point, the reality is that a stranger will ultimately be making those decisions. While you’ll be asked, the final outcome will be out of your hands. We tried to care for my Granny without a POA and it was so difficult.
Best foot forward with the paperwork, then it’s one less thing to worry about. You can only do your best, which is plenty when you’re struggling xx
May I also encourage you to post the POA? You would only use it once it becomes absolutely necessary. If it’s not in place at that point, the reality is that a stranger will ultimately be making those decisions. While you’ll be asked, the final outcome will be out of your hands. We tried to care for my Granny without a POA and it was so difficult.
Best foot forward with the paperwork, then it’s one less thing to worry about. You can only do your best, which is plenty when you’re struggling xx
Hi everyone and apologies that I've not replied here or to anyone sooner.
I've been battling, and still am major depression which the GP now has me on various drugs to try and control.
Dad, sadly has deteriorated since my last posting here; he is slowly becoming non verbal, sometimes I try and speak to him and he won't reply, and I ask a few times something and it takes 3 or 4 times before he'll respond, he claims this is because he can't hear me although each time I've spoken loudly, so believe he is attempting to hide his symptoms.
The other very concerning thing is that he isn't eating very much anymore, maybe less than 500 calories a day.
No matter what I try, he won't eat it, I've got him crisps, chips, meat, to cakes, chocolate etc and he won't have any of it.
I suspect it's due to a swallowing issue he won't disclose, as lately he randomly chokes on fluids and foods, which he never did before.
I've had to tap his back many times to stop him choking, he goes red during it.
I'm convinced he has lost weight but being how he is, refuses to tell me his weight so will need to wait until the next GP appointment.
We've gone from having long daily discussions, to him becoming withdrawn, saying to call him tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and this cycle goes on, with few words and I constantly have to keep the conversation going.
He appears very depressed also, and I am spending nights with him at present and he is walking around early hours of the morning asking when are we going out, at 6am for example!
He has been randomly falling to sleep recently too, outside as well when we go out.
I really am putting a face on, and it's only because of the drugs they've put me on I'm still here as this is so painful to watch, and I am scared we are moving into late stage already, probably his Vascular Dementia rather which I'm aware worsens at a faster rate.
He has also been complaining of chest pains the last few weeks but refuses any GP care, I've told him I'm worried but he said he doesn't want anymore medical intervention, I will respect his wishes but keep checking his wishes remain such way.
Finally, he is losing capacity possibly as his financial handling has got much worser than 6 months ago, he keeps thinking his money has gone missing but I've checked and shown him it hasn't, yet the next day we have the same debate until it again is settled then a few days pass and he refuses to believe I am right.
I'm lost, because as much as I hate to say it, I'm in denial he is slipping away from me, I guess I'm living with my heads in the clouds hoping he one day will be back to himself again, I know in my heart that won't happen but I have nothing else to hold on too.
He hate three mouthfuls today of his dinner, left the rest, I feel guilty for even eating when he can't because of whatever symptoms he suffers with this cruel disease.
Sorry for the long post, I hope everyone is keeping well and sending my love.
I've been battling, and still am major depression which the GP now has me on various drugs to try and control.
Dad, sadly has deteriorated since my last posting here; he is slowly becoming non verbal, sometimes I try and speak to him and he won't reply, and I ask a few times something and it takes 3 or 4 times before he'll respond, he claims this is because he can't hear me although each time I've spoken loudly, so believe he is attempting to hide his symptoms.
The other very concerning thing is that he isn't eating very much anymore, maybe less than 500 calories a day.
No matter what I try, he won't eat it, I've got him crisps, chips, meat, to cakes, chocolate etc and he won't have any of it.
I suspect it's due to a swallowing issue he won't disclose, as lately he randomly chokes on fluids and foods, which he never did before.
I've had to tap his back many times to stop him choking, he goes red during it.
I'm convinced he has lost weight but being how he is, refuses to tell me his weight so will need to wait until the next GP appointment.
We've gone from having long daily discussions, to him becoming withdrawn, saying to call him tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and this cycle goes on, with few words and I constantly have to keep the conversation going.
He appears very depressed also, and I am spending nights with him at present and he is walking around early hours of the morning asking when are we going out, at 6am for example!
He has been randomly falling to sleep recently too, outside as well when we go out.
I really am putting a face on, and it's only because of the drugs they've put me on I'm still here as this is so painful to watch, and I am scared we are moving into late stage already, probably his Vascular Dementia rather which I'm aware worsens at a faster rate.
He has also been complaining of chest pains the last few weeks but refuses any GP care, I've told him I'm worried but he said he doesn't want anymore medical intervention, I will respect his wishes but keep checking his wishes remain such way.
Finally, he is losing capacity possibly as his financial handling has got much worser than 6 months ago, he keeps thinking his money has gone missing but I've checked and shown him it hasn't, yet the next day we have the same debate until it again is settled then a few days pass and he refuses to believe I am right.
I'm lost, because as much as I hate to say it, I'm in denial he is slipping away from me, I guess I'm living with my heads in the clouds hoping he one day will be back to himself again, I know in my heart that won't happen but I have nothing else to hold on too.
He hate three mouthfuls today of his dinner, left the rest, I feel guilty for even eating when he can't because of whatever symptoms he suffers with this cruel disease.
Sorry for the long post, I hope everyone is keeping well and sending my love.
has he had a swallowing assessment? my husband has vascular dementia and kept choking. i put a folded tea towel on his back where ive had slap his back. theyve told him his swallowing is out of rhythm. he was told to make sure what he eats as moist. dry food leads to crumbs so irritates his throat leading to coughing. put gravy on it or some sort of sauce, custard on pudding. things like lettuce and cabbage cling to the throat and make him cough.
i have had depression more than 25 years and on 2 anti-depressants. it does make things harder to deal with but you will find a way that works for you.
