I cared for my parents, both with dementia for a couple of years. I realised quite soon I couldn't do it and look after myself so gave up my job. Dad was always amendable to help from carers and happily went to a day centre once a week. He died last year and so now I care for mum. Her diagnosis was at the start of the pandemic and was given as 'Dementia not otherwise specified' although a comment made that due to her heart condition probably vascular.
I kept the personal assistant and activity carer in place that Dad had, but now I need to increase carers for food preparation as mum is declining. My main concern at present is weight loss and low appetite along with her not eating heathily. On the face of it she masks very well and friends and neighbours think she is coping and not much wrong with her. In reality her confusion, planning and organising skills are poor and her short term memory is a few minutes most of the time.
I had a conversation with her a few weeks ago about the 'future' and she said she didn't mind extra people coming into cook evening meals. She had always got on very well with the daily carers that visited for dad. Hurray I thought - so contacted a couple of agencies and one came in this week for a chat. Today we are back to square one though as she tells me she doesn't want extra people in and has no recollection of the conversation we had ( i didnt think she would remeber it).
I would love to know how people approach the carer conversation as it seems to be one of my biggest worries and hurdles at present. She lives on her own and is only a few minutes away. I do a lot for her, but draw the line at compromising my own evening meals to prepare hers as I see it as a slippery slope and it will impact my health. She is currently having microwave meals but they generally dont come with vegetables. She used to have Wiltshire farm but has decided she doesn't like their vegetables, then M&S but they have similar vegetables. I've bought packs of microwave veg but she either doesn't cook it or doesn't like it. That said she swears to me she cooks fresh veg but I keep throwing it away so I know she doesn't. I thought if I started bringing carers in with her agreement for food preparation as her needs increase she would already be familiar with them. I've asked her to have a Main meal at lunchtime (that I could prepare) but she refuses to change her ways. She tells me she is coping, that I don't need to worry and I should have my own life. My husband thinks I should just tell her that the extra carers are going to come in, although i dont want to cause her unhappiness and would rahter do it with her agreement. Underlying this as she has always been overweight and told all her life to lose weight, so, now that she is, in her mind, that is a good thing. I go on holiday in May and really want this in place before I go.
I'm sure there is no one way that works but I would be interested to hear the different ways people have raised this with their parent.
I kept the personal assistant and activity carer in place that Dad had, but now I need to increase carers for food preparation as mum is declining. My main concern at present is weight loss and low appetite along with her not eating heathily. On the face of it she masks very well and friends and neighbours think she is coping and not much wrong with her. In reality her confusion, planning and organising skills are poor and her short term memory is a few minutes most of the time.
I had a conversation with her a few weeks ago about the 'future' and she said she didn't mind extra people coming into cook evening meals. She had always got on very well with the daily carers that visited for dad. Hurray I thought - so contacted a couple of agencies and one came in this week for a chat. Today we are back to square one though as she tells me she doesn't want extra people in and has no recollection of the conversation we had ( i didnt think she would remeber it).
I would love to know how people approach the carer conversation as it seems to be one of my biggest worries and hurdles at present. She lives on her own and is only a few minutes away. I do a lot for her, but draw the line at compromising my own evening meals to prepare hers as I see it as a slippery slope and it will impact my health. She is currently having microwave meals but they generally dont come with vegetables. She used to have Wiltshire farm but has decided she doesn't like their vegetables, then M&S but they have similar vegetables. I've bought packs of microwave veg but she either doesn't cook it or doesn't like it. That said she swears to me she cooks fresh veg but I keep throwing it away so I know she doesn't. I thought if I started bringing carers in with her agreement for food preparation as her needs increase she would already be familiar with them. I've asked her to have a Main meal at lunchtime (that I could prepare) but she refuses to change her ways. She tells me she is coping, that I don't need to worry and I should have my own life. My husband thinks I should just tell her that the extra carers are going to come in, although i dont want to cause her unhappiness and would rahter do it with her agreement. Underlying this as she has always been overweight and told all her life to lose weight, so, now that she is, in her mind, that is a good thing. I go on holiday in May and really want this in place before I go.
I'm sure there is no one way that works but I would be interested to hear the different ways people have raised this with their parent.
