My visits to my Mum make her very upset. They almost always have done – she has been in care for almost two years. She assumes when she sees me that I have come to take her home. She takes me by the hand and looks for the exit. I tell her she can’t go home because she isn’t well enough. She cries, and pleads some more, and then asks (quite logically for someone with advanced dementia) if she can come and live with me. I have to keep saying no. Invariably, even if she has been having a ‘good’ day, my visit makes her sad, upset, and angry. She has been through quite a few stages over the last two years – she did go through a phase of not knowing who I was, which was easier to take than this. Now she is recognising me again – and that in itself makes her cry – and wail “my lovely girl”.
Mum was transferred to a nursing home three weeks ago because the home where she was couldn’t meet her needs. Needless to say going home isn’t an option (she doesn’t have one anymore) and neither is living with me. This is tearing me apart but I am more concerned about the fact that my visits are doing Mum no good. Dad is downstairs in the same nursing home, so I will visit anyway (he doesn’t know who I am, which makes things a whole lot easier), but I don’t have to go upstairs to see Mum.
I just wonder if anyone has been in this situation and whether they stopped visiting for a time – and whether stopping visits for a while helped?
Best wishes, C
Mum was transferred to a nursing home three weeks ago because the home where she was couldn’t meet her needs. Needless to say going home isn’t an option (she doesn’t have one anymore) and neither is living with me. This is tearing me apart but I am more concerned about the fact that my visits are doing Mum no good. Dad is downstairs in the same nursing home, so I will visit anyway (he doesn’t know who I am, which makes things a whole lot easier), but I don’t have to go upstairs to see Mum.
I just wonder if anyone has been in this situation and whether they stopped visiting for a time – and whether stopping visits for a while helped?
Best wishes, C