Has anyone got experience of live in carers?

[Jess1982]

Hi
Just wondered if anyone had had a live in carer for their relatives with dementia?
Both my parents have it! My dad is currently in a respite care home while a live in carer gets sorted out ASAP by social services.


I'd be grateful to hear people's experiences of this.

Thanks!

 

[flossielime]

I would love a live in carer for my dad,. He cant afford it. SS wont give a penny towards night care. good luck i hope you have a better experience of SS then me.

 

[Emomam]

live in carers during holidays.

Hi jess1982. I have used live in care companies when I'm on holiday and it's worked fine. It's not cheap but worth it to keep them at home. You get to choose which ones you think would be a good match from profiles and if it doesn't work out with one then they will provide another one. They usually work it with two carers two weeks on then swap.

Worth looking at.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Mum died suddenly Dad with dementia would have wandered and not thought to feed himself. My sister and I shared live in care at Dad's house for 8 mths but were struggling to get a balance for our own families. Desperate to keep him in his own home as a self funder I tried 2 different companies one national one local and 2 different carers. Even though the promise is the carers are very experienced in dementia and have had good training whether we were unlucky I found the expertise and understanding was just not there. The 2nd carer was shocking exploding in temper at me over not cooking Dad a hot meal...we had everything covered in a care plan but both carers wanted to change Dad's routine and habits to fit in with them not them to fit in with Dad. I am glad the carer exploded when I was there and not when Dad was alone with her but it showed us that he was very vulnerable 1-1...his days and nights flipped a long time ago and it was mentioned many times that we would probably have to get a 2nd carer for nights so that the live in carer should not be disturbed more than twice. Dad paced during the night but did not need or ask for help but if his pacing or going to the toilet woke the carer this would mean disturbed nights. We are in the SE and this would have taken the
weekly cost to £1300..something we are now paying as a self funding NH resident......so I lost the trust completely in both the calibre of the companies and most importantly the carers...reluctantly as he declined further he is now in s nursing home. I can see live in care working to supplement a spouse living in the same house so you can see exactly what standard of care is being provided and maybe you might be lucky and get a good experienced carer who can demonstrate good dementia understanding and awareness but I was very disappointed with our experience. Good luck though...I desperately hoped it would work but maybe it will for you.

 

[Jess1982]

Thanks for your replies.
My mum can be very aggressive and difficult. She has always been extremely hard for people to get along with but the dementia has made her very aggressive to.
My mum and dad also get very annoyed and irritated with each other. Social services know this and at times they are violent to each other.
I cannot see the live in carer working. I think they are doubtful too but worth a try.
God knows what the next step will be?

 

[Varandas]

Hi Jess1982
I am sorry you are having a difficult and stressful time with your parents.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a suitable live-in carer. I have been working since switching careers after caring for my mother.
I work as a self employed and for the family the weekly cost is near half of what love.dad.but.. suggested and it is cheaper than keeping the lady (I work for) in a NH.
With regards to your Mom being aggressive and difficult, check with the Doctors the medication and what she is taking as anti-depressant. I believe most people with AD will pass for the aggressive stage and soon your Mom may become more agreeable. The Lady I work for at present (for the past three and half years) was verbally abusive - never physical and today she is more docile and co-operative. It is out of frustration to lash out to other people.
The 'Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired' by Liz Ayres may be helpful.
http://www.ocagingservicescollaborative.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf

all the best

 

[love.dad.but..]

I always felt for Dad that live in carers should have worked and that is one of the reasons I was so disappointed, he wasn't aggressive or abusive but could sometimes be difficult with refusals, personal care etc. I am sure there are some lovely live in carers where it does work well and I was hoping we would have found one. The live in care we had was for Mon to Fri and we carried on caring for Dad in his house over the weekends. The cost for this was £650 per week and I'm not sure whether successful live in care arrangements accept that the carer may be disturbed but we were told even Dad's moving around making noise if it woke the carer they naturally need night time sleep plus the agency had to adhere to maximum working hours and it would mean we would have to have a 2nd night carer had for this reason if it had continued, it would have doubled the care cost. However cost wasn't the issue, would have gladly paid equivalent to care home just to keep him in his own home, for us and our experience it was the lack of flexibility of the carers to adapt to Dad's ways which weren't that great to be honest where it seemed to us that the carers we tried set such hard and fast rules for dad and after all they were essentially a guest in his house to help him not change him to their way of working. Impossible with dementia in any case which showed their lack of understanding and even respect. I wish we had been given someone like you Varandas! No doubt Dad would still be at home now, more guilt! Anyway, good luck Jess I really do hope you get a good one.

 

[Doula]

We just an agency based in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire. Mum is paid a Direct Payment by social services which is the same as they would pay for her to be in residential care. We pay the balance using her pensions etc and money from my brothers and myself. This means that she lives in her own home with great live-in carers who take her out and about (as she always needs to be on the move), maintain some of her friendships etc. Her quality of life is much better than it was when she was in a care home for a few months back in 2011.

 

[Varandas]

. I wish we had been given someone like you Varandas! No doubt Dad would still be at home now, more guilt! Anyway, good luck Jess I really do hope you get a good one.

Thank you love.dad.but.. please give credit to yourself for what you've done for your dad. Many others can't do half of it.
I experienced AD first hand with my Mom and that gave me strength to try to help others.
Wishing you all the very best

 

[Jess1982]

We just an agency based in Nailsworth, Gloucestershire. Mum is paid a Direct Payment by social services which is the same as they would pay for her to be in residential care. We pay the balance using her pensions etc and money from my brothers and myself. This means that she lives in her own home with great live-in carers who take her out and about (as she always needs to be on the move), maintain some of her friendships etc. Her quality of life is much better than it was when she was in a care home for a few months back in 2011.

That's the most positive story I've heard. It would be nice if the carer would take both my parents out together. If I get my dad a wheelchair I don't see why that couldn't happen.

If you don't mind me asking, if SS pay towards the carer and you pay the balance, does that mean when they die SS can take possession of their house?

Thanks