Hard of hearing and memory issues

[sheepfield]

My family member went very hard of hearing very suddenly and this of course had an impact on their social life and input from family, friends, television, radio etc. That seemed to mark the start of the confusion and memory loss.
Of course now they can't remember when to change the batteries etc and they keep misplacing the aids. They are too independent to accept help from me though their son has been able to do bits. The audiology clinic seems to assume that they can remember things and look after their own hearing.
I guess that I'm wondering if anyone has any experience or strategies etc. We've tried writing things down but notepads and notes go missing. I know that people do lose their hearing as they age but this has been so sudden and my family member hears so little, conversation is impossible.

 

[Brianna]

Not the obvious solution but some online forums suggest that dementia sufferers get on better with pocket hearing amplifiers which can be used with headphones or ear buds. Some of them have rechargeable batteries. They look a bit like Walkmans (if you're old enough to remember them!) and the user can adjust the volume. They seem to cost between £50 and £150. My friend has severe hearing loss and hates her hearing aids because they are so fiddly and uncomfortable. She stopped wearing them during the pandemic and has only just got some new ones. She still hates them and only wears them when she meets people. Although she can hear she struggles to actually "listen" and properly process what's being said so I'm not sure if she had cognitive loss or is just out of practice.

Good luck with your relative.

 

[sheepfield]

Ah thank you. Yes, you don't necessarily know what's out there to help until you develop a hearing issue. The sensory team gave my family member a Personal Listener, which does indeed resemble a Walkman but they don't always want to use that either! But it's good to have as an alternative as my family member does indeed find hearing aids fiddly and uncomfortable, messing about with little batteries that they struggle to see and thought for a while were edible tablets!

 

[Sarasa]

I'm a long term hearing aid user and advocate of getting your hearing checked and wearing aids. However to get the most out of hearing aids you need to wear them all the time and you have to work hard to allow your brain to adapt. Both those things are difficult for someone with dementia. My mother in law's hearing also declined quite suddenly and I think various family members thought that her increasing confusion was due to hearing loss. They persuaded her to get some aids, but she became scared of the noises she was hearing and couldn't put them in herself. I lived nowhere near her, but on one visit I played hearing aid fairy and did get her to wear them for an evening. It did help a little, but it was obvious that she'd never use them unless someone was there everyday to help her.
It is a tricky one as to how much is dementia and how much is hearing loss. The best things are to always face her when speaking to her, maybe a light tough on the shoulder to get her attention. Speak clearly and quite slowly and don't shout. That doesn't make things clearer, just makes you think someone is cross with you. It might also be worth going back to the audiologists and seeing what they suggest.

 

[sheepfield]

I'm a long term hearing aid user and advocate of getting your hearing checked and wearing aids. However to get the most out of hearing aids you need to wear them all the time and you have to work hard to allow your brain to adapt. Both those things are difficult for someone with dementia. My mother in law's hearing also declined quite suddenly and I think various family members thought that her increasing confusion was due to hearing loss. They persuaded her to get some aids, but she became scared of the noises she was hearing and couldn't put them in herself. I lived nowhere near her, but on one visit I played hearing aid fairy and did get her to wear them for an evening. It did help a little, but it was obvious that she'd never use them unless someone was there everyday to help her.
It is a tricky one as to how much is dementia and how much is hearing loss. The best things are to always face her when speaking to her, maybe a light tough on the shoulder to get her attention. Speak clearly and quite slowly and don't shout. That doesn't make things clearer, just makes you think someone is cross with you. It might also be worth going back to the audiologists and seeing what they suggest.

Thank you for your reply. It sounds like you've had a tricky time with your mother in law.
The audiologist sent her on her way with oral instructions about batteries, tubes, olive oil and syringing and I don't think that she remembered any of it. I only remember as I wrote it down soon after, I have trouble remembering instructions so I write everything down.
I'm hoping that she will accept help from professionals more readily than she accepts help from her son and me.

 

[sheepfield]

An update as we had a postponement from the social worker today because of the snow in these parts. I wonder if part of the reason that they have been so slow to act is that they haven't been able to contact my mother in law by phone. She sleeps a lot in the day, apparently a possible sign of dementia. She cannot hear the phone whilst asleep. I don't know if there are other aids to help with answering the phone or whether a buzzy wristband or flashy lights or ringer amplifier might be frightening or upsetting for her.
At the moment the most reliable way to access her is an in person visit. My mother in law cannot use the intercom any more, can't hear it whilst asleep, can't figure out or see the button. She has a phone on loan from the sensory team but unplugged it and I wonder if she can even understand how to answer the phone now and was trying to revert to her old familiar phone that she can't see or hear.

 

[sheepfield]

Just an update: there is no start date yet for social care as there's no capacity says the social worker, who suggested that we contact the Community Meals Service, which doesn't need a referral. I'm not sure how someone who is deafblind and only appears to respond to suggestions from professionals is meant to contact them and arrange meals on wheels for herself.
She cannot hear anything on the telephone, even the one supplied by the sensory team. She has excessive earwax, which needs softening and syringing but of course has no capacity to apply her own olive oil and won't accept help from me. And there is no start date for social care.
Today my mother in law tried to cook something in the oven but hoards cakes in there so it's full of melted plastic and incinerated cakes. When I called round I found her eating lunch oblivious to the thick black smoke all around her.
Now I'm wondering why there was no smoke alarm. She lives in sheltered accommodation so you'd think that there was regular testing and functioning alarms. I wonder if the alarm went off for some time, she didn't hear it, and then it stopped after a period of time.
It's so frustrating and upsetting.

 

[sheepfield]

@Sarasa I don't think I thanked you for your reply! But thank you. I've been in touch with audiology and they have advised me how to help.
Social care have finally started and they are encouraging hearing aid wearing though my mother in law often removes her hearing aids and has even removed the vibrating pillow device that she has been given for in case she's in bed and the smoke alarm goes off. I guess that she doesn't understand why the new thing is there.

 

[Kevinl]

For what's it's worth my wife had hearing aids both ears, before her the AZ diagnosis, she always loved music so I'd turn the radio down and sing along with the tune but very quietly, suddenly she would want to be able to hear.
The radio, not my singing I hasten to add, I'm tone deaf me, can't sing a note. Aids straight back in. K

 

[sheepfield]

Ah, that sounds like a win win situation, hearing aids in and enjoying listening to music.
My mother in law enjoys brass band music and at the moment is struggling to operate her radio and television to listen to and watch sports that she also likes. That'll be another thing on my list to try to resolve.
Also keep enjoying your singing 😊 it's good for the soul.

 

[Kevinl]

Good for the soul maybe, not so good for the eardrums of others I'm told. K

 

[sheepfield]

Sing like nobody's listening 🎵