Hi all, I am new on here. Really looking for some support please as I feel quite lost. My father is 82, a retired GP. He was working until the start of 2022 (in a non-clinical capacity). Was extremely devoted to his career and worked in the NHS for 60 years. In October 2022, he had a TIA and seizure, due to a hypertensive crisis. MRI scan indicated moderate small vessel disease. Blood pressure now is well controlled. He suffers with moderate to severe hearing loss, though will not wear his hearing aids as he denies his hearing is a problem (partly pride, partly vanity). Lives with myself and my mother. His short term memory is deteriorating and he constantly repeats himself. He is extremely sensitive and defensive about memory and hearing so these are difficult issues to broach with him and he will not see the GP/nurse for a memory test. I tried to do one covertly but he sussed out what I was doing. He also appears to suffer with low mood, is lacking motivation (previously he was such a disciplined, proactive person) and is slightly volatile at times. I try to spend around 45 mins with him every evening doing word/number games and discussing medical topics (he loves this and his demeanour changes instantly - more like his old self). I do the games to try to maintain some cognition and maintain his working memory. I am trying to set up LPAs for him and my mother as a precaution; father consents to this and does still have capacity to make decision. He is due to have routine bloods done in afew weeks so maybe this will yield something. I have also bought him an Apple AirTag to put on his housekeys. I accept that he is ageing and there is probably some degree of memory loss but this is incredibly hard to come to terms with, given that he was previously the one that looked after others, devoted to his patients, always going above and beyond. Sorry for the moan but I have no one else to share this with. Thank you for reading.
82 yr old father, retired GP, memory & mood issues.
- Thread starter Char15
- Start date
Hello @Char15 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. I am sorry to read about the issues that your father is having. I am full of admiration for his 60 years in the NHS, you must be so proud of him.
Unfortunately many people who have memory or other issues are reluctant to go to the doctor for memory tests and i am assuming that with your fathers background that he would be even more reluctant. Some members on the forum write to or email their family members doctors with a list of their concerns and ask the doctor to call the person in for a well man appointment. This may or may not work for your father.
It is good that you are setting up the LPAs, I would also suggest, if you have not already considered this, to cover both financial and health.
Finally, this is a good place to have a moan or a rant, the members here really do understand what you are going through.
Unfortunately many people who have memory or other issues are reluctant to go to the doctor for memory tests and i am assuming that with your fathers background that he would be even more reluctant. Some members on the forum write to or email their family members doctors with a list of their concerns and ask the doctor to call the person in for a well man appointment. This may or may not work for your father.
It is good that you are setting up the LPAs, I would also suggest, if you have not already considered this, to cover both financial and health.
Finally, this is a good place to have a moan or a rant, the members here really do understand what you are going through.
It sounds like your father is in the early stages of dementia and you are doing the right things.
As dementia progresses, you will be constantly having to come to terms with new types and degrees of dysfunction.
I note that you live with your parents, as I do. This is both good and bad. It is good because as long as you can cope, you will be giving them the best possible support; it is bad because you are very close to a black hole that wants to pull you in and suck the life out of you.
Try to press all the buttons out there that may help you manage your father's condition. Build friendships, and keep existing ones in good repair. Most of all, reassure yourself that whatever battles you endure to help your father in his time of need will be to your eternal credit. Effectively, your father is now the patient and you are his GP. Hopefully you can perform your role as honourably as he did.
As dementia progresses, you will be constantly having to come to terms with new types and degrees of dysfunction.
I note that you live with your parents, as I do. This is both good and bad. It is good because as long as you can cope, you will be giving them the best possible support; it is bad because you are very close to a black hole that wants to pull you in and suck the life out of you.
Try to press all the buttons out there that may help you manage your father's condition. Build friendships, and keep existing ones in good repair. Most of all, reassure yourself that whatever battles you endure to help your father in his time of need will be to your eternal credit. Effectively, your father is now the patient and you are his GP. Hopefully you can perform your role as honourably as he did.
