Had horrendous visit today

[vinvin]

Saw mum this afternoon firstly she was very confused most of what she said made little or no sense apart from a discussion on poo and why it wouldn't flush away properly Care home is a bit tatty around the edges so I think the plumbing needs seeing to, apparently she had told the manager all about it and he told her to keep flushing. Anyway sat trying to have a chat telling her the news but her replies didn't make much sense and she continued to pick inaginary bits off the carpet, I think she will pick a hole in it soon She then suddenly says I will come out with you so I said not today as came on bus and it is pouring with rain. When it came time for me to leave she kicked off big time and got aggressive over not being let out I had to be smuggled out through the laundry!! I stood in the rain crying my eyes out I HATE this disease so much and as much as I love my mum I wish her time had come to leave this world.

Sorry about the waffle just felt really sad but feel a bit better now for at least having written it down. There a lot of people on here have a lot worse to put up with than me. Love to all

 

[jaymor]

It happens to us all. My husband was in an assessment unit before going into a nursing home and he certainly did not like being there. The care was second to none but he was adament he was not staying there and leaving was always a nightmare. I was distraught every day and was always escorted out of the building by kindly staff trying to comfort me and tell me everything would be ok. It took time but they were right, nine weeks later he left there and went into the nursing home. He sat in the chair in his room, said it was like his chair and from that day to this ( 8 months) he has been content to be there.

We are now both settled with his care, he is so much happier now and has lost that tormented look he had. I am sad he is there, I would rather he be with me but what is best for him is the most important thing.

Hang on in there,

Jay

 

[Butter]

I am very sorry. You have my sympathy. My mother spent all her carehome days trying to get out.

 

[Jaceli]

So sorry to read your post Vinvin!

Your not on your own, one of my recent posts tells how much I pray to get THAT phone call from the home. My mum is in respite until I can find a permanant NH. But I don't want her to reach that stage, I hope she goes soon, and mum is quite settled in herself now!

I hope and will pray that your next visit is easier.

Take care.

 

[bren10]

Bren10

I feel exactly the same every time I visit my Mum. I wish I could scoop her up and take her home and look after her every need for the rest of her days. But I know i would not cope. All we can hope is that our loved ones are being looked after and are safe and well as can be for as long as it takes. God bless x

 

[Daisy48]

Vinvin
Sorry you had such a sad visit today. My sister have been through a similar thing with dad recently.He has been trying to climb through the nursing home windows and kicks the doors to get out.
He's been in the home since July.The staff are all wonderful but we've had a rollercoaster of a ride. Dad has had several seizures,falls,changes of meds,down days,a broken pelvis,huge temper tantrums and sometimes calm accecptance.
Today was calm but dad felt sad and asked if we'd arrived by car because he wanted to go out. Unfortunately this couldn't happen as social services have implemented DOLS (deprivation of liberty) to keep him safe.
When we visit dad we have no idea how he will be,it really hurts to see this happening to our loved ones doesn't it?
Thinking of you,you're not alone.
Best wishes Daisy x

 

[snoggy1one]

Poor you. I know how you feel. My mum has never settled in her care home and each time I visit she wants to come out with me. I, too, used to cry my eyes out each time I had to leave her behind. My mum always wants to come home with me and hates the place and the residents and staff. I doubt things will ever change. We get by with ensuring the staff distract her with a cup of tea whilst I discreetly live. It is very hard to do and naturally tears you apart.

You have to be brave and remember the reasons why your mum had to go into the care home in the first place, and reassure yourself with the fact that she is safe, well cared for and looked after 24/7 with experienced staff who work shifts and arrive rested, ready and able to take on all the problems that dementia throws at you and this disease is cruel and stretches you so much.

I regularly leave the care home with mum banging on doors and windows and shouting wanting to go home. It hurts so much and she now has a calming medication to help a little with her moods, but still the frustration boils up from time to time. I have told so many little white lies and made so many excuses why mum cannot come and live with me. I know that I could not cope at all and that it is completely unfair on my own family, and that at least I can have some quality time with her when I see her instead of being an over tired carer who cannot cope and put my own family under such awful strain.

I always have a good cry in the car and then put my radio on full blast and try and release some emotion before I get home. My mind is always in turmoil, and you are not alone. We are going through a similar experience.

Keep your chin up.