My loving mama passed away this week. She had gone into the hospital back on the 17th of January and she as there for seven days. She got to come home and she was so happy to be able to. They found a mass that sadly due to her fragile condition and age could not be operated on. Despite everything she was such a warrior and was pushing herself eating her puree meals, drinking her water even swallowing her medication. She smiled and got to sing a few times. She had physical therapy and again showed her strong will and endured it. She went to sleep and then early hours of the next day, I got the call. Mama taking her last breaths, a sound I was praying would not come and one that will stay with me. She went to heaven on my dad’s birthday who had passed away several years back. Her condition had declined a lot in mid December and I prayed she would see through 2023 Then 2024 came and I felt this would not be a year she would see through and prayers continue that she may. The reality was another and then it became a harder reality with the mass diagnosis. I continued to pray hopeful for a miracle Our parents are warriors to us and hope they would live forever I was blessed to have her on this earth for 93 years The difficult breathing started at 1:49am and at 2:53am she had gone to heaven. The ambulance got there right after but even if gotten there sooner I don’t think it would had made a difference. She did not want to be at the hospital again. The seven days she was there at the hospital were so very hard on her body, spirit and mind. She had stopped talking at the hospital but when back home she talked some and a little more each day She smiled and held her house keys (she was very protective of her home and kept them in a key ring she held on to and when she misplaced them which was often oh boy…). I prayed for a miracle each day as I have been doing and at the same time I asked for God to not let her suffer. A friend told me her dad used to tell her when he battle his illness to not worry that lf God could not heal him here on earth; he would in heaven … I thought about that and my dear sweet mama had so many things needing healing hurting her tiny body that he could not heal all here on earth and he said in heaven I can heal you fully; of body and mind but oh my starts the pain of losing her is so huge. The caring from a distance through the years wears heavily on me. I wish I could had been there more in person caring for her but unfortunately life played out differently than I had envisioned. I’m trying to focus on the times we had together, the sweet memories and that she is in a better place. What it was coming due to the cancer they found while at the hospital, it was going to be awful for her and she did not deserve more suffering. I have read several posts from so many going through different things because of love ones having this terrible illness and other things in their lives and on those they love and I could relate and found strength on comments. I will continue to read and provide feedback if it can help others.
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