Going away for a few days

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by panda, Aug 5, 2006.

  1. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    88
    Surrey
    I think I must be completley mad!! Since my stepfather died last year and mum has been diagnosed with dementia, all she has spoken about is getting to the coast. She says the thought of it has kept her going, so in a moment of madness I booked a caravan for four days, for me Mum ,My daughter with learning difficulties ,who has the worst temper tantrums you could ever witness. She is 16 and now much taller than me. My 13 year old daughter who makes Kevin and Perry look like angels, and her friend . In the hope that having a friend around might help her be a bit more human :rolleyes: Mum is allready telling me she will drink and no one is going to stop her on holiday, she can not or will not understand that alcohol and her medication do not mix. She thinks the children should be in bed by eight, today she gave me an envelope of money and said it is for the children to spend while we are away so that she can have me to herself for a change. On inspection it contained 47p. I cant get her to pack a bag, she wants me to drive her car but said the kids are not allowed to eat sweets in it. I just know it is going to be a living nightmare. Why do I put myself through these things. Help.
     
  2. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    I sure know i would not put myself through it

    Just phone calls alone are nightmare enough sure could not contemplate 4 days with Mother and 3 teenagers

    It will be you who needs respite care on your return
     
  3. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Panda
    don't know what to say exactly......um.....good luck?;)
    You never know it may well turn out to be quite a good time....
    try and enjoy the "break"....
    Love
    Wendy
    x
     
  4. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    That's who respite care is for - the carer, not the person who has the illness ;)
     
  5. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Brilliant!

    DO IT!!! Go and enjoy it!!! YES you can!!! Keep a diary of how many absurd situations you may find yourself in and record it for your own 'amusement' later! Kevin and Perry and 'Little Britain' have nothing on what many of us go through......!!!! Most of all, keep that wonderful sense of humour and try to find some for yourself (and self preservation!)......

    If your mum's going to drink - pour her a lemonade, tell her it's a G&T (ice and a slice usually does the trick!) and get a 'real one' for yourself!!!!!

    Best of luck, DO let us us know how you get on!!!!

    Love, Karen (TF), x
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    :) Good trick is fill glass with lemonade & put vodka on rim of glass , my mum dose not drink but I read that somewhere .

    Join the club your life sounds like something I would do sounds like fun lol anyway good idea would be to phone social services before you go and book 2 weeks respite just for you , so when the stress hit you at any given moment your think oh well I have to 2 week for myself to look forward to :)



    I must say that I had to clean the whole kitchen out today to take my mind of mum going on about moving back to Spain to live me thinking poor mum just wants to see her days out there I could rent a place out there ………… No I stop can’t think like that clean kitchen :eek: :D :)
     
  7. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Helena

    I never looked at it as putting my self through it,Peg wanted to see the sea and I will try to give her happiness where I can.
    Last year we returned home after three days in a flat,I am thinking about going away again soon ,maybe it will be better this time
    Norman
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Now Norman you have given me an idea thanks :) , I could take my mum to Brighton she use to always take my children there when they where younger am getting a wheel chair for mum so I could take her by train.

    Like your wife, my mother loves the sea
     
  9. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Some friends have a very hyperactive grandson, who has been suspended from school a number of times and can be very awkward to handle. He also has learning difficulties. He is excellent though, with elderly people and young chidren, being very polite and considerate, and showing great concern for their well-being. He is now 12, and a year or so ago, helped out with an activity day for blind children. He did really well and was very sensible. Sometimes youngsters with problems themselves can be very understanding with other people who have difficulties.
    Good luck! Try to look on the bright side of life!
    Kayla
     
  10. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Norman I admire your wish to try and please Peg

    I believe theres a major difference between trying to please a loving wife or husband to trying to please a parent who has been nasty to you their entire life is stubborn and cantankerous and who never ever has offered one word of praise for anything you do

    Equally the generation gap between parent and child particularily with those of my Mothers very advanced age and old attitudes does not make for an easy time

    My generation have a very different relationship with our children and grandchildren
     
  11. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Why? Why such a 'global' statement? Are we all 'doomed' to our generation?

    I have every confidence that Panda's experience will be of great benefit to everyone involved .... stressful as it may be - especially for Panda feeling the 'pivotal' part at points in time.... but thoroughly rewarding...

    Helena, I 'hear your pain' - have you ever tried to do what Panda is doing? And to pre-empt the expected response.... the only person stopping you (from at least trying) is you.....

    Sometimes, we just have to break the mould...... and if we don't do it, no-one else will....

    Love, Karen (TF), x
     
  12. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Generations

    I feel (felt) much closer to my grandmother's and mother's generation than to my niece and the next generation.

    It was normal for us as children to be expected to help look after the older members of our family, but my niece and foster-nephew and cousins and their friends seem to think that whatever they want to do comes first.

    My brother said "I have higher priorities" using "the children" (aged 25 and 16!) as an excuse for not visiting enough. I pointed out that some "children" of that age have caring responsibilities of their own. My mother was 13 when she was first sent to stay with an elderly aunt to look after her.

    Of course I know it's different in different families.

    Lila
     
  13. panda

    panda Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    88
    Surrey
    Thanks to all

    Thank you all for your positive comments, as for writing it all down to laugh at later I have been doing that for nine months now and it helps me to look back and see what we have survived. I also think one day it would make a good book as there are some unbelievable funny moments in there. One being the day mum came home on the milk float after getting very lost and the lovley milkman saw her wandering round. I told her she is not Cat Slater. I am afraid just giving her lemonade will not work as she is a brandy drinker but I will be giving her lots of ice and try to keep her busy to distract her. Well we are going on Tuesday take care all and I will let you know how it goe,s.
     

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